Friends For Friends For Girls

Former Member

hi i am having a little bit of trouble and need some advice.

I have a friend that is female and she sees me as her big bro, and i see her as my lil sis, but not in real, just as thats what we see each other as.

And i have this friend who is a guy, and i made a promise with him that he would never ask my lil sis out because he would hurt her, and that is guranteed from his past.

but yesterday i found out he had made it clear to her he fancied her, and now they are going out,

yesterday i spoke to my lil sis and tried to warn her but as you know people dont listen when it comes down to that thing. I failed misserably,

Does this mean my male friend has broke my promise and i should break friends with him because that is what i have done.

and does it mean that my lil sis, aint my lil sis, she someone i dont really know that well.

i need your help and advice, how can i help, the main thing i want to do is stop my lil sis from getting hurt, and i dont really want it to be my male friend that is seing her.

He is 19
She is 15

Help anyone?

hicks out

Former Member

Firstly, she isn't your little sis. She's just a friend and she is capable at that age of making her own decisions.

Secondly, if you tell her that the lad she's seeing is no good for her she will resent you.

Your friend may have broken a promise to you but it was never a very realistic one anyway. You can't help who you fall for. If you were such good friends with this lad perhaps you would give him the benefit of the doubt that he will treat her well and their relationship will be a success!

Perhaps you are also a little bit jealous as you anticipate you will see less of your friends, which is likely to happen.

At the end of the day they're old enough to make their own decisions. Personally I think it's rather inappropriate for an adult to date a schoolgirl, but thats a whole other issue.

Former Member

I think there's a number of things that are a bit off with this situation.

Firstly, you need to back off this girl that you're referring to as your sister. Fact is, if she's fifteen she has a lot of mistakes to make and learn from, and this may be one of those. It's her life, let her live it the way she wants to. There's nothing wrong with expressing your concern for her, but if it becomes something where you're warning her, then I think you need to back down a bit.

Secondly, your guy mate is not guaranteed to hurt her because of his past. I guarantee you that. Guys screw up, screw around etc., fair enough. But that doesn't mean they're destined to do that in every relationship they'll ever enter into. If he's your mate, then give him a goddamn break - trust him! Even if you don't think he deserves it in this area of his life, it's your duty as a friend to try (or at least that's how I look at it). If you're really concerned then give him support in treating her well, give him ideas etc. But don't write him off and break your friendship because he's fallen for someone!!

You said you don't want it to be your friend that's seeing her - well all I can say to that is tough luck! It's not your life, and it's not your responsibility to monitor their actions. Be there for them if things go wrong, and do your best to support their relationship if things get rocky, but anything further than that is not your business.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I think you may owe your guy mate (and actually your 'little sister') an apology.

Former Member

if he wants to feel up young girls its his choice but man if i was him i'd get a life and get a girl my own age :rolleyes:

Former Member

Yeah 19 and 15 is very inappropriate. Although I wouldn't class it as paedophilia, 15 is still under the age of consent and 19 is well above it. Maybe you should both leave this young girl alone and let her date a guy she likes her own age.

Former Member

just fyi for all the people who have said it is really inapropriete for a 19 year old to date a 15 year old - this is not that uncommon, girls seem to mature faster than lads so a 15 year old girl probably has about the same maturity as a 19 year old lad anyway. ok i know individual cases will be different but im speaking as on a whole.
Also, is the reason you have a problem with this age difference to do with the legal sence? because no-one seems to have a probem with say a 24 year old dating a 20 year old but its the same difference in age...
Personally i think age gaps should depend on the people. i know their are a lot of people a lot younger than me who have seen and gone through a lot more shit than i ever have so will therefore probably be more mature, but whatever, everyone is entitled to an opinion.

Former Member

the difference being the legal age is 16/17 depending if you live in england or northern ireland. a girl of 20 going with a 24 year old as shes over the legal age and is mature enough to make her decisions. a girl of 14/15 is not of legal age even though she might think shes mature enough, her attitudes will change over time. i could go out and score with a 15/16 old but im twenty one,these girls need to grow up around fellas there own age group. i just feel that girls who hang about with older fellas are the ones that get used and abused even though they think theyre mature enough for it. let them grow up

Former Member

What i mean is that some girls of 15/16 have a very high level of maturity, a lot higher level than they should have. i dont mean just acting mature either i mean actually having the mental ability to handle certain situations. i know girls who have been through a lot of stuff they shouldnt have (not that anyone should, but especially not girls of 15) rape, abuse, drug addictions, homelessness, this all makes people stronger if they come through it and obviously makes people more mature as you have to grow up faster. just because some of us have had 'easy' lives and have had little trouble with anything while growing up doesnt mean everyone else is the same!

Former Member

Originally posted by icey
What i mean is that some girls of 15/16 have a very high level of maturity, a lot higher level than they should have. i dont mean just acting mature either i mean actually having the mental ability to handle certain situations. i know girls who have been through a lot of stuff they shouldnt have (not that anyone should, but especially not girls of 15) rape, abuse, drug addictions, homelessness, this all makes people stronger if they come through it and obviously makes people more mature as you have to grow up faster. just because some of us have had 'easy' lives and have had little trouble with anything while growing up doesnt mean everyone else is the same!

I still think a child is a child, no matter what they've been through. I went through a lot as a child, abuse, parents getting divorced. This didn't necessarily make me more ready for an adult relationship at 15. I think if I had a 15 year old daughter and found out she was seeing a 19 year old man I would have to investigate.

Former Member

Back to the main question though, i'm afraid you cannot shield her from all hurt, you may be right about this friend of yours but the only way she'll learn is if she lives her life without you "warning her" of the dangers.

I dont think you'd appreciate it if she made sweeping remarks about the potional people you go out with so you should however hard it is..... respect that she has to live her own life and with all lives we make mistakes which we learn from.

Former Member

Originally posted by David Grohl
the difference being the legal age is 16/17 depending if you live in england or northern ireland. a girl of 20 going with a 24 year old as shes over the legal age and is mature enough to make her decisions. a girl of 14/15 is not of legal age even though she might think shes mature enough, her attitudes will change over time. i could go out and score with a 15/16 old but im twenty one,these girls need to grow up around fellas there own age group. i just feel that girls who hang about with older fellas are the ones that get used and abused even though they think theyre mature enough for it. let them grow up

This isn't necessarily true, there are exceptions. Girls of 15 can be very mature and guys of 19 can be very immature, therefore they could be on the same level, I don't find a relationship between a 15 year old and 19 year old particularly inappropriate. People seem to have this idea that if someone is under 16, they're not old enough to know anything or know what's good/bad for them. Of course there are some 15 year olds who aren't that mature but then they'll learn from their mistakes won't they.

Former Member

Originally posted by BumbleBee
You can't help who you fall for. If you were such good friends with this lad perhaps you would give him the benefit of the doubt that he will treat her well and their relationship will be a success

you cant help who you fall for, but you can help who you get with,my mates engaged and loves her bf to bits, finds her mate stupidly sexy but shes like "i wont do nefing bout it, but i can look still "