Will i ever find someone?

Former Member

This is more of a little rant than anything so dont worry about giving advice!

Im just feeling so fed up with being single at the moment. I used to enjoy the fact that i can have 'fun' with anyone and that, i was loving it ,but now its got to the point where i want more, im fed up of having meaningless flings with people, i want someone to actually have feelings for me that are more than "gud for some fun". This 'fun' is getting so boring and the same, its just not fun anymore its the same thing with a different guy! I want someone to want to be with me and stay with me, to care for me and maybe even love me.(Gawd that sounds so cheesy but ah well!)And someone for me to care for etc.

Guy mates keep saying to me 'aww your so good to get on with your easy to talk to and a good laugh' and ive been told im different to other girls and that because i dont care what people think of me and im myself but what if thats all im ever going to get to be? What if im just the type of girl guys want as a mate?

I mean its not as if ive not had boyfriends before but since my last one (over a year ago)ive changed as a person, i let the real me out straight away and dont pretend to be something im not.....what if the real me scares guys off because im too crazy?!

Is is possible for a girl to only be friend material?? Anyone else feel the same?

Former Member

erm..well i cant really say i feel the same as:
1. im in a relationship, and
2. im a guy.

but just for your info, no, there arent some girls whos lads will only consider as a mate. its how you make yourself out to be.
if you act like one of the lads and go to footy, drink pints, and just do general lad stuff then they will treat you like that. if you come accross as all girly then thats how you'll be treated too, its all about perception.
But why change? if you want to be one of the lads then you be that, eventually someone will like you for you. theres no point pretending to be something you're not.
Its also sometimes how you act around the lads as well, for instance, i have quite a few girl mates and before i got into this relationship i wouldnt have minded getting with one of them but i didnt even atempt to as she seemed like she just wanted to be friends. lads worry about fucking things up to you know. if they think you only consider them as 'just a mate' then thats how they will start to consider you...

well im probably rambling again so i'll stop.

but hope this helped.

Icey x

Former Member

Thanx for the reply! Thing is i dont do all that laddy stuff im just me! Like you said theres no point n being something im not if someon doesnt like me for me then i dont want to be with them. However i dont do the whole helpless little girly girl thing because i find it irritating basically! lol! Saying that though i am a big flirt and flirt with evryone (only guys obv!)!

Thanx for the reply though its good hearing it from a guys point of view!

Former Member

there are always girls who the guys see more of as a freind, or seem to get along with in that way!
You're not alone

it's probably a good thing that guys find it easy to talk to you infact... (and I would guess that at least one of your guy freinds probably quite likes you too ).

it's all a matter of patience... I didnt have a gf untill the age of 17! (nor my first kiss infact ) but the girl I found was most definately worth the wait

there is no doubt that the right guy for you will come along, purhaps from your existing group of freinds, or maybe when you meet a new group of freinds, in uni / college / just have faith, and he will come along


also, maybe some of your guy freinds aren't quite mature enough for that kinda relationship yet...

Former Member

i know im not a guy... but i think it depends on the guy as to how they view you... some guys tell me that im just "one of the guys" and blah blah blah and that's why they love hanging out with me.. and other guys tell me that im so girly

also with the finding a relationship.. i think that the harder you look the more unlikely you are of finding one.. and you also lose possible friends that way.. what i mean is... when you meet a guy, you'll look at him as a possible boyfriend or "hook up" instead of as a possible friend. people say that the best romances come from good friendships and im a firm believer of that... so i think you should just keep being yourself even if it means you're 'one of the guys" and eventually you'll find someone....

or maybe im just talking out of my ass... i dunno..

Former Member

Originally posted by Angel121077
also with the finding a relationship.. i think that the harder you look the more unlikely you are of finding one..

Exactly! People will only find someone when they least expect it. If you plan in who you want to meet and how you'd like it to work out; you're going to be disappointed.

I've been single for quite a while now. Have me moment were I wonder if I want more; but I soon snap out of that

You will meet someone eventually hun; just takes time and patience

Former Member

Originally posted by Cruel2BKind

You will meet someone eventually hun; just takes time and patience

took the words right out of my mouth

btw i'm still waiting, where are ya!!!!

Former Member

I know it sounds incredibly patronising (especially since I'm not that much older than you), but you're very young to be even worrying about this. There's a lot to be said for the single life, but even more importantly there's a lot to be said for not being in a serious relationship at a young age. The main one that leaps out at me is that the boys your age are probably not focused on having a serious relationship...that's not to say they aren't interested in girls, but half of them are probably just after something to brag to their mates about while the other half are still marginally more interested in playstations, footy and the odd can of special brew Of course there are a some that will be mature and interested in having a girlfriend, but you may well have to wait awhile to find one of them. If it's older blokes you're interested in, then heed the warning that there's often only one thing they're interested in. I know I'm making sweeping statements here Am just trying to clarify why you're better off hanging back until someone comes along who's truly worthy of your time and emotional energy

As for your lad mates saying you're a "good mate", a laugh etc...even if one of them did like you as more than that, it's probably a foreign concept to them to voice it, or indeed expect you to reciprocate those feelings. You didn't say you actually like one of those mates, so I won't assume anything unless you do...I'll just say you should be flattered that they compliment you as they do. When I was 16 I was lucky to get anything more coherent out of my boy friends than a grunt or cheats for a computer game They'll see you in a new light soon enough, often with lads it's as though the scales fall away from their eyes and they see girls around them as being special, beautiful etc...when they stop fantisizing about Lara Croft. As has already been said, if you aren't looking for things then they usually find you, patience is a virtue and I'm sure there's someone just right for you waiting in the wings. It mightn't be next week or next month but it'll happen for you, it will probably just blindside you when you're taking the bins out or something

Sorry for being such a cheesy bugger, and the patronising tone of the entire post. Just want you to "get" that you're not some kind of pariah

Former Member

i know how you feel, i'm in a pretty similar situation. i had a really good relationship which i totally fucked up from late dec-early feb, and then i got totaly messed up, went off the rails and fucked it up. i wanted him back but i fucked it up. i fell for 2 other guys since.....but since, i've never been able to hold done a relationship. i'm tired of the flings. i want someone to love me. i want there to be someone to hold me when everything goes wrong, someone who i can share the fun with. someone to get hammered with. someone else to love. it hurts. and at times it feels like they will never appear, others like they are right in front of your face. i just have to keep in mind that one day he/she will be holding my hand....

Former Member

OMG YOU'RE 17!

Live it up, baby. Relationships usually work when you get a lad who's past 25 because he's done the "Living up" shite, and wants to be cooried in with that special gal.

You're faaaaaaaaaar too young to worry about this, you really are. I was expecting at least 20 or something, but 17?! Come on.