Should I be annoyed?

Former Member

I'm not sure how I should feel about this so I'd like other peoples opinions on this to see if I'm getting annoyed over nothing..

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 6 months. A few months ago we had an argument over this girl because while we were out at a club he was talking to her and pretty much ignoring me and I felt like he was flirting with her..when I was standing right next to him. He seems to be quite flirty with most girls he knows, which I've mentioned before, he brings it up a lot and always manages to turn it so that I feel guilty and he says I flirt. He always says that he's not flirting and that he acts the same way with everyone, male or female, but if I do the same things he does (eg messing with peoples caps/hair), I'm flirting according to him. A lot of other girls like him and he always mentions it..apparently so that I don't hear about it from other people..really I think it's just an ego boost for him and he likes to make me jealous or something.

Anyway, he's leaving for uni on the 26th september and so he's arranging to see all his friends before he goes away. He told me today..just as he was going so I couldn't say much, that he can't see me tomorrow cus he's going for a drink and playing pool with this girl who I thought he was flirting with, who we argued about. Just the two of them. I was a bit annoyed and he acted like he's doing nothing wrong, so I was a bit..meh and he said I could go if I wanted but I know what he's like and if I do he'll complain that I don't trust him..

When I've mentioned the number of female friends he has before, he always says they're just people he knows and he doesn't hang around with any girls..which kinda makes me wonder why he's going for a drink with this girl if she's not his friend..

Anyway, am I right to feel annoyed about this? I know that she likes him and to me it sounds a bit like a date..

Former Member

I'd probably be a bit narked. But i get dead jealous. The only way to deal with the problem is to talk to him about it. Or break up with him.

The phrase "don't get mad, get even" is half wise, going off on one is never going to get you the reaction you want, you need to be calm and reasonable, get him to listen.

Former Member

Talk to him about it, rationally and maturely. You don't seem to know who the girl is, so see who she is and see iof you like his answers.

If you don't like his answers then it's up to you to see where it goes from there. If you are feeling that you're drifting away from him then him going to university will be the make or break of the relationship.

Former Member

talking about it is def the best way to go on this one. I'm a very jelous person too, and i find talking about it to my girlfriend helps us both to understand it. If you are planning on staying with him through university, talking about things like this will be even more important. I am going off to uni soon, and planning on staying with my girlfriend who is in the year below. I know that takling about things like this has helped us immensely

Former Member

yes

Former Member

hmm it would seem to me that the reason he didnt tell you he was going out, untill just before he did, would be becuase he knew it would make you jealous / angry.

girls seem to be very jealous creatures, but it just shows that you like him! There is nothing wrong with being jealous, so long as you're not being unreasonable.

you need to talk to him about it, ask him straight out whether or not he's cheating on you with this girl. if he's not, feel silly, kiss and make up

Former Member

i'd be annoyed, is there no way you can go with them? cuz if u ask if u can go, he can only say yes, cuz if he says no then its seems like hes up to something.

Former Member

YES! I will be well annoyed! What is he doing with this gal anyways going pool? Y is he going with this girl? Anyways if I were you, I would take up on ur bf's offer and go to pool as well. Don't have to act anyway, but at least you can see what goes on. If u can't do that, then I would speak to him seriously about this gal/ ur relationship.

I have never been a jealous person, until being with my current bf for 8 months and finally being in love. I get a twinge of jealousy if he is simply chatting to a girl at a party. But I feel its natural because I love him. I wont beat up a gal over it though. Not that jealous.

But YES, YES, YES! I will be very very annoyed and jealous.

Approach him!:mad:

Former Member

Yes you have every right to be annoyed!

Any bloke who had any real respect for you would not go out alone with another female 'friend'.

To me, it seems that he's keeping his options open by going out with other girls (though he's not neccesarily going to or is doing anything) and also keeping you.

Talk to him, properly, and if you don't feel reassured by the talk, leave him.

Former Member

Originally posted by princessamy
Yes you have every right to be annoyed!

Sorry to just quote your post but it was the closest. Why she has a right to be annoyed I have no clue.
UNTIL you know that he is cheating it is all in your head and I know how hard it is because I'm a pretty jealous person over people I care about but there is no harm in him having female friends. He is doing no wrong going for a drink with his friend and you have no right to be annoyed with him until he has done something that is wrong. If he has had female friends all the time you have known him and being seeing him why should he change just because you have fallen in love and started getting jealous?? He has said go with him so if it bothers you so much then go with him but I think you should either trust him or finish him. Ask him straight out if he is cheating if he says no you can either believe him or just leave, its that simple imo. No point hanging around if you don't trust the guy cos he will grow to hate you, especially if he loses friends because of you.

Former Member

She has every right to be annoyed whether or not he's cheating because what he's doing is just disrespectful.

If I were to do this i know my boyfriend would have a fit and vice versa.

She knows nothing about this girl her boyfriends going out with, it's not like they are life long friends going for a catch up drink.

Of course i don't know this girl, her boyfriend or anything about their relationship but by any standards this is not something you would do if you truly cared for and respected your partner.

Her boyfriend really had no choice but to say she could come along, i think she probably should, and then see how he reacts.

Former Member

I would be REALLY annoyed about that.
I think it sounds like he enjoys winding you up about his admirers.
Its up to you if you want to put up with it, but I wouldnt.

Former Member

He says you can go yes? Well why not go along with him, meet her give him a big kiss infrount of her to let her know that he's taken and then say youve got to go. Simple.

Former Member

i wouldnt bother, because hed then tell her next time he saw her how jealous you are. He would then proceed to try and play you off against each other.
Its not your job to try and stop him going and flirting with other girls and making dates with them. He shouldnt be doing it in the first place, and If he is, then hes in the wrong. This is going to end up hurting you if youre not careful.

Former Member

I totally dis-agree, you shouldn't be annoyed cos he has female friends, which it sounds like he always has. Until it turns from an innocent drink into something else he is doing no wrong imo.

Glad my GF isn't like you lot because I have a lot of female mates and I told her before we started seeing her that no matter what I wasn't losing my female mates because of her. With my ex I did lose all my female mates because she was being like all you lot are now. I never cheated and I never would so I should have being trusted. I grew to hate this girl so if that is what you want then tell him he can't have any female friends. I go out and have nights out with my mates and without my GF quite a lot and go to my Girl mates house after pub and chill there to the very early hours, sometimes even sleep there, I don't cheat I just chill with a mate who happens to be a girl, where is the harm in that?

Don't get me wrong if he cheats then that is wrong and you will be right to be annoyed and you will be right to give him some kind of ultimatum but until that point I think you have to trust him or you might aswell finish it now.

Former Member

Thanks for all your replies.

In the end he cancelled because he knew I didn't like the idea, but said she didnt fancy him and that he wouldn't notice anyway because he doesn't think of other people like that because he's with me. Hmm.

He then told me that a few days later she'd invited him out to pizza hut and then pub afterwards and she'd pay for it all - which he refused and finally admitted that I was right and now he realises she thinks of him as more than a friend.

To Lickalotapuss: I don't mind my boyfriend having female friends as long as they are just that - friends. He does have other female friends but he talks about them and mentions them the way he mentions his male friends, what I didn't like about this was that he never mentioned this girl before and the first time I saw her I hadn't got a clue who she was. He never mentions her like he does with other friends so it made me think she either wasn't that close a friend (so why is it so important he meets her before he goes?) or there was something he was hiding.

I trust him and don't think he would cheat, I just don't like the idea of them being alone together in a date-ish situation when I know she isn't a close friend because she likes him a lot and it would have made her think that my boyfriend liked her.

Sorry for the length of my post..can't help but ramble!