How to overcome the past?..

Former Member

Ok , Im posting this in the hope that its not just me that feels this way.

I have a girlfreind shes 16yrs old. I know she has slept with about 8 blokes including me, most of the others were 1 night stands. Which doesnt sound good for a start.

We have been going out for like 5 months now and we are becoming quite attached to each other. And because of that, the thought of her doing anything dodgy with some other bloke turns my stomach... but its the knowing that she had 7 before me that also makes me feel sick inside.

Im %93.4 sure she wouldnt cheat on me ever. But i cant get that sick feeling out of me about the stuff shes done before me. I know i shouldnt be bothered about it but i cant help it.

Its not a constant thing but when i do think about it, it depresses me. She knows i feel that way.

Anyone have similar feelings? or know a way out of it?

thanks

Former Member

erm..are you me? lol

The girl im with has quite a colourful past as well, it bothered me a lot at the start but i just sort of forgot about it.
i know she wants to be with me and i want to be with her. ive just had to forget about the past. shes had to 'forget' some things about mine as well so its not all one-sided.
Sure it will always be there but ive just looked past that and am content with the fact that i love my girl to bits and she feels the same!
just try and concentrate on the present, the problems start if you look into the past.
im pretty secure that my girl wont cheat on me now after seeing how she reacted to me accusing her of cheating. ok so i didnt have the best of reasons for accusation but its how upset and mad at me she got that put my trust in her.

So yeah, you're not on your own mate ive had those same feelings you've got now.

Former Member

icey's right,you just have to try put it behind you.
its in the past + theres nothing you can do to change it,so just sit down,think it through + let it go.
what's important it that she's with you now + she seems to be happy. if she wasn't happy,she'd get out. but believe me,you'd know if she wasn't happy.

my boyfriend and i had a break in June + he ended up kissing my best friend :crying: but you get over it + you move on. people make mistakes,doesn't make them bad people.

Former Member

That's what relationships are about; taking risks. You shouldn't let her past hunt you, as it has been done and dusted. She's with you now. As they say, it doesn't matter how many people she slept with before; it's the last person she's been with that counts.

Hope things get easier for ya.


** Off-topic - You're from Guernsey? Was there a few years ago. It's lovely **

Former Member

The past can stop you from living the present and looking forward to the future. So unless you have any solid reasons for concern I'd say let it go. Have a sincere conversation with her to end all your doubts and then you can both move on.

Granted it's easier said than done.

Former Member

so she slept about with a few fellas years ago when you werent about, she couldnt help it. im sure you slept with people as well. unfortunatly not everyone marries the first person they bang, the world unfortunatly doesnt work that way. all i can say is that it was in the past, shes with you now. try not to think about her with other fellas as this will make you get annoyed over something so stupid. so she had fun with other fellas, you'll just have to accept that these things happen.

Former Member

Ok at least im not alone in the way i feel then

Ill try my best to forget about it not gonna be easy though

The worst thing i could do would be to ask questions about what happened.. but bad idea i think.

I guess if i feel this way it means i love her to bits.

A big worry of mine is if we split up... then that sick feeling of her being with others will come back and more that likely happen.. and that is gonna hurt , ive had that once before and dont fancy goin through it again.

thanks for the replys

Former Member

To Cruel2BKind

Yup im from the small lump of rock in the channel isles called Guernsey! and yeah its a great place.

Former Member

well im sorry to say it but thats what loves all about, its about heartbreak and relationships. join the club

Former Member

Originally posted by David Grohl
well im sorry to say it but thats what loves all about, its about heartbreak and relationships. join the club

AND can also be very fulfilling, loving and ... ya know, all that lovey-dovey stuff.
I ain't too familiar with it.

Former Member

how does she know you feel that way. You shouldnt let her know her past disgusts you. Shes not a disgusting person for having sex with a few people before you, and youve got to be careful youre not subconsciously trying to punish her for her past.
My husband and I have both had plenty of experience before we got together but have never been unfaithful to each other. In a way, its better she gets it out of her system first.
Your jealousy is your problem, please try to not make her feel bad because she will only resent you, and its not a nice thing to do. If you really cant handle the fact shes got a past, then maybe youre not the man for her and should let her go, because theres one thing thats certain - she cant go back in time.

Former Member

Re: How to overcome the past?..

Originally posted by vergis
Im %93.4 sure she wouldnt cheat on me ever.

It was this that caught my eye - if you're in a committed relationship with someone you need to trust them 100%...not 93.4%, not 96.6%. If you have niggling doubts they need to be discussed, don't feel like you can't discuss this with her...but do it without reference to her past. You should really work out if any insecurity or doubts are related to the way the relationship is going at the moment, or purely to her past. If it's the latter then you're risking this (relatively long, given the ages) relationship because of unchangeable occurences. It won't change the way you feel about her previous partners...personally, I always feel a tiny bit jealous about my boyfriend's previous partners...there's the idea of being compared, of not matching up. But you need to disregard this, because it's you she wants to be with, and you should be happy about it, truly. If she wanted to be off sleeping around, or with another fella in a relationship, I'm sure she would be. There's a danger that if you focus too much on her past that it'll become too much for her, and she won't want to have a future with you. We all have a past, in terms of sexual histories we may have a past we're completely at ease with, or may have things we regret...it all gets pushed to one side when you meet someone special, and the only thing that seems important anymore is the future. I suggest you focus your attention on that, and try and strengthen your relationship

I'll be off now, 'cos I'm rambling, hope some of this has helped.