what if you were rich?

Former Member

If I was rich beyond my wildest dreams, I think I would spend it all on prostitutes, not even classy ones, dirty, filthy, syphilitic whores. I'd also develop a drug habit, that would leave me an empty hell of my former self, not giving a shit about anything or anyone apart from my next hit. I'd end up off my face on a mixture of cocaine and heroin, the syhpilis now having spread to my brain, and huge, weeping sores covering my genitals, I'd unwisely invest my money on the stock market, and my fortunes would end up crashing down around me. I'd turn to street crime to fund my deviant ways, and whilst in the process of beating up a granny, I'd be caught red handed by dave_oliver, hero of the people, and he'd make me see the error of my ways with a wise speech on 'strength of character' and shit like that, probably mentioning the word 'heart' a good many times. But he'd beat the crap out of me first, being the hero that he is. After having changed my ways. I'd then become a good, law-abiding suburbanite, with a secret desire to be paddled whilst wearing my wifes lingerie. By supressing this desire, I'd be supressing a part of myself, essentially crippling my emotional life. Unable to truly connect to anyone, I would follow the clichéd middle-class lifestyle my inner pain and anger slowly growing, finally snapping one day and beating my wife to death when she's talking about new carpets. I would live out the rest of my days in a lunatic asylum, foolishly awaiting the return of dave_oliver to once again save me. I say foolishly because dave-oliver has bigger fish to fry, what with (like action man) being the greatest hero of them all. Anyway, I was just wondering what you would all do if you were rich?

Former Member

I think your signature says it all :eek2:

Former Member

haha almost as mad as Busey lol

Former Member

Riiiight!

I'd take lots of holidays all over the world with my bestest friends. And buy a new car because mine keeps breaking down!!

Former Member

I would eventually escape from the asylum, and roam the countryside, developing a 'wildman of Borneo' kind of look. Clad only in a mixture of mud, leaves, blood and my own semen, my mind now ravaged by a lethal mixture of drugs, sexually transmitted diseases and dave_oliver, I would start raiding farmyards, and stealing chickens to eat raw. My cognitive abilities having now fully broken down, I would dream of commiting violent acts of sodomy, but would in fact be making love to a tree stump in Wimbledon common. My genitals having completely ceased to function due to a mixture of disease, splinters, incessant public masturbation and dave_oliver, I would finally claw them off and hurl them into a public swimming pool. Now more animal than human, I would make my way to the coast due to a primal instinct for the sea. Far from ending my days in peace and serenity on the coast, I would violently attack a swarthy fisherman, and be beaten to near death by him and his friends. Wouldn't you just love to be rich?

Former Member

You would probably talk even more shit.

Former Member

I'd buy a giant inflatable penis and have in my front garden then prob have you shot, just for a laugh.

Former Member

After awakening from my fishermen induced coma, I would flee from the coast, into Central London. Living in the sewers, I would smear fecal matter over my entire body, as a form of self defense. I would befriend a rat colony by eating three live kittens in front of them, and slowly I would make my way up the rat hierarchy. Eventually being crowned 'king of the rats' I would lead the rat population to the invasion of London. After personally biting the Prime Ministers throat out, and kicking his wife to death, I would move into 10 Downing Street, overthrow civilization and lead a new world order.

Former Member

why buseyfan, what an excellent decision.

i'd buy a few helicopters, clone jake gyllenhaal & hire 6 bodyguards to make me look important. then i would build a theme park in my back garden and have midgets on kangaroos cook my dinner & frolic in my gingerbread mansion.

Former Member

i would pay lots of tax and help commoners

Former Member

I know what soft lad there could buy with his millions.



+

Former Member

Lmao! Best thread in a long time!

Former Member

Must admit, it is rather funny but still a little ghey at the same time.

Former Member

Having achieved the title of King of Earth, I would cast my rat-shit speckled eyes spacewards. In a power-mad bid for universal domination, I would fund a space program to help towards this aim. Being completely insane, and with only rats as my workers, this would go slightly askew, and turn out to be a large heap of rotting garbage, with silver foil and christmas lights on it. The fumes from the garbage would be detectable for miles, and I would probably light a cigarette too close and make the whole thing go up in flames. Now semi-naked, insane, diseased, completely lacking any genitalia, and freshly scorched, I would cast aside my space program, and concentrate on the mundane subject of the economy. In my new world order, money would be replaced with interesting smells and sexual depravity. This would make me the richest man in the world. Even though I would have no penis with which to commit sexual acts, I would constantly insert objects into the red-raw gash where my manhood once was.

Former Member

Come again?:eek2:

If i was rich I would probably buy loads and loads of jewellery.

where-as Lee, would buy about a million micowave pizzas and a large share in dr pepper

Former Member

Well, Buseyfan, it's always good to have an ambition