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not sure what to call this one

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Great new Rachel. Most of it, anyway.

    I don;t think you should dump your best mate, but I reckon you do need to make her see your side of things - that you've found a great guy, and that you're finally really happy, and that while you can understand why she's jealous, she could at least be a bit more reasonable.

    One lesson in life that is always valuable: Friends are more important than partners 75% of the time.

    I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Two choices then...

    Give up on her, tell her to grow up or get lost. Never hte nicest choice, but it will educate her. Probably wait until she really starts acting like a baby.

    OR

    Really make an effort, do spend equal amounts of time with your bf and your mate.

    Hope one of these appeals to you.

    I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by RachaelHolmes:
    don't know if u read this yet; http://www.thesite.org/ubb/Forum7/HTML/000070.html

    it's the same friend so i can't just dump her. i don't want to.

    btw, i spent more time with her than him and it looks like it's gonna stay that way. He works late shifts all week so i only get to see him at the weekend but I spend more than half the weekend with my friend.


    Then your friend needs to grow up. Simple as that. Sorry. Yeah, iread the post as well.


    I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by RachaelHolmes:
    i think dealing with depression is a bit more difficult than that. But sometimes i just wish i could turn my back on her.


    yeah, alright - i didn't really take that side of things into account too much. i know depression from the outside - i helped my dad get over it this summer. i guess it is far more complex. sorry if i seem insensitive.

    the onlly advice i can offer is to treat your friend with care and respect - as you do - and build her self-confidence up, to deal with the problems she has face to face. you can help her a lot.

    I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know it can feel like that sometimes, but it's not true. The people you care about are just going thru bad patches - and they'll naturally be jealous if your having the time of your life.

    They'll get over it - may take a while, but hopefully eventually they'll see your side of the matter and be happy for you.

    I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    rachael, im happy for you about the brilliantness of your new relationship <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    i just wish everyone around you in your life could say the same. i dont really have any answers.. i suppose you'll just have to make sure you still spend time with your friend like you do, and reassure her you arent going anywhere. and just be sensitive to her feelings at the mo coz of the depression, which im sure you are. i wish i could be more helpful than that!

    but you can always tell us all here about how happy you are or pissed off with various people <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm happy for you Rachael, isn't it great whe all of a sudden, everything seems so right <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Unfortunately for your friend, with her in her current state of depression, she probably finds it difficult to feel joy for anything.

    It's unfortunate that she cannot recognise that you need her to be happy for you. She probably doesn't even realise what she is doing, much less how it makes you feel.

    But this, in a way, is fortunate, because if she realised how her insecurity and demonstration of her feelings made you feel, it would only make her feel guilty but she would still not be able to do anything about her reactions. The guilt would make her more depressed & your job, as a friend, that much harder.

    I'm sure that when she eventually gets her life sorted out, she will be happy for you & you will then have to convince her that you understood.

    She is a very lucky girl to have a friend like you and all you can do is let her know you are there for her and that having a new botfriend is not going to change that.

    I hope she will soon realise that she needs drastic changes in her life & with you around, will have the strength to carry them through. Neither need to lose the home, all they need to do is agree to live seperate lives, within the same house.

    I know how she feels, I've been there, give her my yahoo or ICQ name if you like.

    j9

    I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.

    MTS ^5 <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;

    [This message has been edited by j9 (edited 09-01-2001).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they're just jealous. shudn't they b hapy 4u?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Drifter:
    they're just jealous. shudn't they b hapy 4u?


    I guess they would if they were in right mind. as I understand it Rachael's sister is depressed because she's just split up with her boyfriend. Although it doesn't feel like it, it's probably a compliment that her sister can show her true feelongs, rather than politely smiling and saying "I'm happy for you". Her sister is probably crying out for sympathy.

    Her friend is also depressed, but probably more seriously so. If she feels anything like I felt last in 1999 she probably has no idea what efect her attitude has on Rachael. Her friend needs support & treating her as you would a jealous person wouldn't do her any good.

    They are both jealous, but the jealousy, with both people is something that at the moment they cannot help but showing.

    That's how I see it anyway <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    j9


    I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.

    MTS ^5 ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, it's not necessarily just jealousy of Rachel having a new man, but also Rachel's friend is I think jealous of her attention going elsewhere.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by JB:
    Also, it's not necessarily just jealousy of Rachel having a new man, but also Rachel's friend is I think jealous of her attention going elsewhere.

    of course, and fear



    I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.

    MTS ^5 ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Great advice once again J9

    Just like to say, although you feel like just giving up on her you'll probably also feel much better if you don't. Stick by her - if it doesn't get any better suggest she goes for some help as you can only be the counsellor so long ya know?

    If you can stick by her, you'll have been the best friend a girl can ask for.
    Also don't be afraid in leaning on your other friends to help you out with the situation.

    Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ((((((((((rach))))))))))

    Seems pretty shit whats happening to you, i hope things get better soon and you can enjoy your new happiness with out feeling guilty about it!

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    MTS ^5
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