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Men with girlfriends

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys

I can't actually believe that I'm posting this but hey here goes ... if I get too embarrassed about the flaming that I'll get then I can just disappear can't I?!?

I'm a true believer in couples being couples and nothing more. As in, as a couple they should not be doing anything with anyone else. Now I have a male friend with a girlfriend (of approximately 10 years) who I ended up with the other week. I was drunk at the time which I know doesn't completely excuse what I did but it's really the only defence that I've got. He cheats on his other half every single weekend and I think that they only sleep together on special occasions if you get my meaning. Basically they have become pretty much just as friends rather than lovers (which I'm not saying is a bad thing). Anyway, I figured that him being what he is (stud?) he would just move on after our one night ... however it would appear that he is hanging around me. He texts me and turns up at my house to offer me lifts and stuff like that. Nothing major I know, just general flirtation. I really like him but whilst my gut instinct is to completely go after him, there's the whole conscience thing holding me back despite the fact that I've never met his g/f.

I'm well aware that if he's treating his girlfriend in this way then what is to say that he's not going to treat me like that. The thing is though that I'm leaving Uni in a few weeks and it's so nice to feel wanted ... I keep thinking that we could just have a bit of fun for the next 4 weeks. Emotionally I'm not in a great place at the moment (but that's a health matter) and it's so good to feel wanted. What should I do? Tell him to fuck off? Continue as 'just' friends and nothing more? Or just take things as they come?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In my opnion you should leave him well alone, for a start the realationship would be full of contridictions.

    If you do want to be with him I would wait a while and see what happens with his girlfriend, if its as bad as it sounds they surely don't have long left together anyway? As you admited yourself, you may well end up in exactly the same position - would you want that? would you want to bestow that on somebody else, even if you havent meet them? I know I couldn't and wouldn't because its against my morals, not to say that my morals are right. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    If I were you just see how his other relationship goes...if you still feel the need in a couple of weeks and they are in the same routine maybe chance talking to him on how he feels on their relationship, if iyou are sure maybe express to him how you feel and what you want to happen (i would suggest through the medium of speach to start off with <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">).

    Anyhows im sure it will work out - it always does <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> If/when there are further "developments" just post them up and im sure we will all do our best to help you <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tell him to fuck off. he might make you feel wanted now, but you wont feel very wanted down the line when he does the same thing to you as he does to his girlfriend. if he cheats on his girlfriend this much youll probably catch something off him, he sounds like a scumbag
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Use the Stud for a few weeks to make yourself feel good then finish with him

    you both gaining out of it, and if he not cheatting with you it be someother girl rite?

    just go for, you seem to know the risks and you do seem smart so why should you not have alittle fun

    as long as you make sure you or the stud don't fall for eachother you should be OK

    Or you could to the right(but dull) thing and tel him to fuck off or your tell his gf.Still you already had sex right?? so why not carry on till you feel happy with your self and then move on

    Your not alittle teen and you know how the world works so you should be able to handle it

    Hope all works out for you

    [ 02-05-2002: Message edited by: Harmless ]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree. Not only could he treat you the same way but the sort of person who sleeps with a different person every weekend while being in a relationship probably has his own fair share of insecurities and issues to deal with. If you're not in agreat place emotionally at the moment surely he's the last person you should be considering anything with.

    Plus, ultimately the only people who really know what's going in in the relationship are him and his girlfriend and many people (rightly or wrongly) continue dragging out a doomed or failing relationship for a very long time. Do you want risk ending up as the third wheel in what sound like a rather unhealthy situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    exactly what i meant red devilette but much more eloquently put than me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd get out of there as soon as possible, I definately wouldn't go completely after him as him cheating on his girlfriend with you obviously shows that he can't be trusted and isn't worth anything.

    Also, I don't mean this to be in an offensive way but you seem to feel very strongly about the fact he has a girlfriend, you also said your onbly defense was drink..If you are working so hard to think of reasons to defend yourself for this one mistake why would you want to go and do it again andmake yourself feel a million times worse?

    It's not the right thing to do, regardless of whether he does it with someone else or not.

    It's like..You wouldn't steal someones car, just because "someone else might", would you?

    Just my input anyway..

    Phil.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well Loopi is a big girl and you only have to read her past post to tell she is smart.(alittle moody at times) but smart

    if you are looking for a Relationship with this guy your not going to find it, his not going to leave his gf for you, no matter what he may say.

    Ohh fuck this crap girl, use this Stud for the last few weeks your at uni(you know you want to, and i think you will anyway) it doesn't make you a bad person

    look after No1, if he make you happy and your not going to fall head over heels for him go for it

    Your both using eachother and that fine as long as you both know that, just make sure you can walk away from him anytime

    the last thing you want is to become his "bit on the side", try and make sure your in controll

    Good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The guy sounds like a right plonker <IMG SRC="mad.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a true believer in couples being couples and nothing more. As in, as a couple they should not be doing anything with anyone else.

    If she doesn't think couples should be doing stuff with other people as a principle, then she should (and probably does) at the back of her mind know that it's wrong.
    I was drunk at the time which I know doesn't completely excuse what I did but it's really the only defence that I've got.

    Are you going to get drunk everytime you do it? Just so you can defend yourself..to yourself??
    Emotionally I'm not in a great place at the moment (but that's a health matter) and it's so good to feel wanted.

    Enjoy the feeling then, you're obviously wanted as he keeps coming around a lot, but no relationship will come of it, and as far as just having sex with him goes, you said yourself you believe in couples being couples.
    Use the Stud for a few weeks to make yourself feel good then finish with him

    By the remarks Loopi has made, I'm not sure that afterwards, and in the long run, doing this would make her feel good.
    Ohh fuck this crap girl, use this Stud for the last few weeks your at uni(you know you want to, and i think you will anyway) it doesn't make you a bad person

    If you had a girlfriend and she was fucking another guy, would you think it was OK because he was just using her? I don't think so, think how she's going to feel one day when she finds out, it's not something I'd like to contribute to.

    Phil. <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't go after him. As he's showing more interest in you than just a one-night stand AND his relationship is very unstable, you do run the risk of being involved in their break-up. On top of that you'd feel guilty and hypocritical for doing something you'd criticize anyone else for.

    If you really like him then carry on being 'just friends' and accept the free lifts <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> But don't do anything you're going to hate yourself for. His girlfriend is probably aware that he's unfaithful but that's their relationship...hold your ground and don't get into one like it!

    Good luck and I hope you work it out <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless:
    <STRONG>Well Loopi is a big girl and you only have to read her past post to tell she is smart.(alittle moody at times) but smart
    </STRONG>

    Tee hee, what do you mean moody?!? And I resent the use of the word 'big'!!!!

    Cheers guys ... the replies haven't been quite so rude and negative as I was expecting. I know deep in my heart that I should really keep out of it but it's hard. It has rightly been pointed out that if the shoe was metaphorically on the other foot then I would say keep away and don't get involved. Hmmmm, what to do, what to do?

    He drove me to Uni this morning which I thought was jolly nice of him. In fact he drove out of his way just to come and pick me up. It was all innocent and he may be coming out on Sunday night ... as I said before we knock about with the same kind of group although we don't/didn't really know each other all that well. He started out as a friend of a friend and now we're friends if you get my drift. Think will just wait and see what happens ..... will try to take everyone's advice on board but as Harmless pointed out I'm only here for another few weeks. Watch this space is all I can say .....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fair enough, your instinct is telling you that you want him. but im willing to count on it that his girlfriend who he cheats on as much as you said "had a gut feeling to go for him" and probably the girl before that had a gut feeling....

    i got no experience in this field having been single my entire life, but it doesnt take a relationship councillor to realise the danger that you could be cheated on too. its not my place to say as i dont know this mans mind and for all i know he could be head over heels in undying love for you, but i am always going to be bias in these kinda "cheating man" things as it REALLY pisses me off that a genuine guy like me cant even strike up a conversation with a nice girl and theres fuckers who are banging a new girl everyday and treating them like shit.

    i think perhaps i had better calm down <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    good luck on whatever you decide mate

    ~dappa
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    CheeseOnToast i can fully understand what your saying
    If you had a girlfriend and she was fucking another guy, would you think it was OK because he was just using her? I don't think so, think how she's going to feel one day when she finds out, it's not something I'd like to contribute to.

    but lets face Loopi wants things to happen, i could be a sheep and tell her not to go with this man, i could say he will only hurt her(he may way do in the end) but you got take some risks with life, he may give her some very happy weeks while she is still at uni, she not a Teen anymore and can make her own mind up. As for this blokes other half, i feel very sorry for her....But we don't know all the Facts!!!

    so i'm Just trying to help Loopi here and not guess the missing parts of the puzzle

    As for me having a gf and her sleeping around. I'd be heartbroken yes, but hopefully i wouldn't give her a reason to cheat on me and that a whole new subject
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Or just take things as they come?

    Damn right, fuck morals if you know you are never going to see him again! Or for a long time at least.

    Enjoy the good thing whilst it lasts for the 4 weeks then move on, its obvious he will be able to do it when the time comes!

    But thats my opinion and am also a male whore(but in a very happy relationship now)so I might be a bit biased <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by dappa_don:
    <STRONG>fair enough, your instinct is telling you that you want him. but im willing to count on it that his girlfriend who he cheats on as much as you said "had a gut feeling to go for him" and probably the girl before that had a gut feeling....
    </STRONG>

    Just to clear this point up ... this guy is now 25 and has been with his girlfriend since they were at school together (first love and all that) and to all who know them it just appears that they are together cos they're too lazy to move on ... however I cannot vouch for this and they could be really happy. Anyway, I don't expect him to split up with her for me (it would be nice but it's just not going to happen), in fact ... I don't know what I want anymore .... head is completely up arse from revising and dealing with other stuff. I know the last thing that I need in my life right now is a tosser of a bloke that sleeps around but if it makes me feel good in the short-term then that's probably what I'm gonna do. As I said, we'll all be out on Sunday and if I'm strong enough to resist then I will (after all I did this weekend) but otherwise ....

    Thanks for the advice everyone ... but as I said I haven't made a decision either way yet. If I'm lucky a gorgous stranger will come along and jet me off to a glorious desert island before then!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry i've posted a reply soooo late, but have only just signed on! I would say go with you heart, but it's a risky business. I was recently seeing someone who was married (I know, I know bad move!) and went through the whole conscience thing before I got it on with him, but decided to do it because I though it would be a bit of harmless fun. However, not the case, we both got too involved and things ended up with him telling his wife about us becase he supposedly wanted to be with me, and then when it came to the crunch he just couldn't leave. The moral of this story? There are some guys out there who no matter what will never give up what they have currently got, even if your not the one asking them too. The other side of it, don't enter into this thinking that for 4 weeks you can have a bit of fun, because at the end of the day you have no idea how you might feel about this guy in 4 weeks time.
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