Scared of taking the next step...

Former Member

So I'm not a virgin tho i may aswell be. I have never been the type of girl to in any way postpone sex in a relationship. Blimey I'm in bed quicker than a student a a free bar. That sounds bad I know but I'm just tryin to put it in perspective with how i am being now.

I haven't lost my libido-i'm still sexed up and looking after myself so to speak but its with my chap. I'm so stiff and frigid when he goes near me. He doesn't help matters as when we kiss he doesn't use his tongue-sounds daft but that hardly leadsme to belive he will be a good lover.

I'm scared of going further incase thinsg are crap, if he is not good(-or me but thats not my worry-just don't wanna sound big-headed) or if he dumps me afterwards-i know he wont as he has loved me in that highschool sweetheart way for years.

He was-and is my best bloke mate-if we go further, things can NEVER be the same. I guess I 'm worried that if i sleep with him then we end, it will be so awkward.

My parents said he could stay over while they are on hol. I was gonna invite him here on sat last weekend, but he got so drunk I was annoyed-but I'd already felt icky when he pressed up me against the bar. I think blamin him for gettin too drunk and being scared he'd puke in my house was an excuse.

He knows i'm a very sexual person from seeing me put and about at clubs and well bein thrown out of the tent last year at reading so i could have some nookie with someone.

So what the hell is wrong with me? why cant I feel for this guy inthat way? I do love him to bits and I do see myself married with kids and all that...so why?! what can I do? I like sex and i don't think i can deal with a non sexual realtionship.

So I feel like a as if I was a virgin all over again-I'm just not ready to sleep with him-but how is he gonna ever understand that when he knows my past and my speed of going further with other blokes?

Former Member

Hmmm- this is a tuff cookie!! I mean on the one hand it could be that you're just eager to make a real, decent go of this and so you don't want it to fluff up. And as for being an eager beaver to get in the sack and reluctant with him, I think if I knew a bloke who was like that and reluctant with me, I might just see as me meaning a tad more then those other lovers- that he'd be willing to put some time into as appose to just jumping straight on in.

On the other hand, it might be that you just see him as such a good friend, transition to lover feels unnatural. I know that however much I loved my best best mate (male), the thought of ever being his lover, would just totally gross me out and I would not like him touching me in that sorta way, and the idea of sex...I wouldn't want it with him, or I'd feel too peculiar.

Kissing without tongues- I knew a bloke like that- something very...innoccent and sweet about it...but I always felt it lost the eager passion you get when you move from just plain kissing to tongues.

So, I think you really need to consider whether you love him dearly, but as lovers, are you honestly meant to be? And whether your negative ideas stem from seeing him as a friend more then a lover. As for thinking he might be crap- that might be that you care for him so much, would you be able to communicate with him. I mean I'd find it harder to offend a friend, then someone who was my lover then moved into being my best friend, merely cause I lover sees more intimate sides...I don't know. I do hope that helped you a little though xx

Former Member

Why don't you ask him why he doesnt use tongues?

Former Member

I think it's very easy to confuse really wanting to want someone with actually wanting them. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that this is a really great guy, and you should be wanting him because he'd be so good for you in the future. I think you simply don't fancy him. Trust me on this one, I'm in a similar situation myself at the moment :yes: Sorry if it's not what you're wanting to hear

Former Member

i went further with a guy mate.not as far as sex bt more than js a kiss.things didnt work+we ended up a bit awkward(understatement) for a while.after time though we are js getting back to being good mates again:) if things dont work+he really is a good mate you wont lose him- maybe for a little while but not forever!

Former Member

Thanks guys!

MM:- yep-thats whats kinda going though my mind. I did talk to him one night-saying how I felt as though it would be scary if we went further but he didnt see it taht way at all-makin me think I'm the only one makin a big deal out of it!

Tweety:- lol how could i? I mean it would be soooo awkward..man I'm not good in these situations-i have a plan to play a truth n dare sorta game tue nigt and some how (with the help of my pal who knows) say how I like to be kissed passionatly with tongues. If thats not a big enough hint then I will have to be blunt and not spare his feelings. Will let you guys know!

Kate1-i think sometimes i do and other times i totally don't-but those are the times he is being annoying-and normally when he is drunk and annoying. I guess I need to think about what you said!

And freak-yeh-lookin back I have gone further with a mate although it was one night and we made it clear it was no more-we are still as great friends and I'm sure if he does value me at all as a mate and not just a girlfriend then he will understand if I can't go on.

We don't see each other often tbh so at least I have time to think and work my head out-i'm gonna see how things so at the festival we are going together to. That will be judgement day.

Again thanks for your replies guys!:)

Former Member

Originally posted by Jowolvo
Tweety:- lol how could i? I mean it would be soooo awkward..man I'm not good in these situations-i have a plan to play a truth n dare sorta game tue nigt and some how (with the help of my pal who knows) say how I like to be kissed passionatly with tongues. If thats not a big enough hint then I will have to be blunt and not spare his feelings. Will let you guys know!

Sounds like a good idea.

Former Member

just remember that, the only reason it would be akward is because yuoo'll feel uncomfortable of what he thinks about you and vice versa, so seeing as yuo're both thinking the same thing, the feeling akward stage will deteriorate. Which is nice.

Former Member

Lol I hope so! Ta!