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Please help me...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is a little long. It's my life story the past three or four years. I needed to get this out, so there's no better way to do it than in writing. I would appreciate and feedback and/or ideas and advice.
The past few years of my life have been a little crazy. I met this girl Karen in my sophmore year of high school. For some reason, she sparked my interest wildly. She was kinda shy and not part of the 'popular' crowd, and that made her all the more appealing to me as I never did either. I talked to and got to know her. That summer, I went away to my summer house and we didn't talk. When we got back to school in junior year, though, I started off right where we left behind. There was jus something about her that drew me to her like a magnet. We went on a few dates, and it didnt go that great. I asked her out anyway, and she said no. I continued to chase after her though. After numerous attempts throughout the year (and I felt she led me on some of those times), she finally accepted, and we started dating.
I than started to realize that she had many problems I wasn't aware of. She is Obsessive-Compulsive, and was diagnosed with a mild psychosis. Also, she is extremely self-conscious about her looks, to the point where if someone didn't think she was hot, she would flip out about it. She used to be anorexic also but worked through that. She also seems to have a major problem in social situations when she's around me, saying things like she doesnt think I pay any attention to her, etc. Almost everytime we hung out, we had a major problem because of her paranoia or something to that matter. I stuck with her thorughout the entire time. With my help and the help of a psychologist and some medication, she got much better, although some of the paranoia and such remained.
We started to have sex later that year, and very rarely used condoms. She lost her virginity to me. As you can probably predict, she got pregnant early into our senior year. My first reaction was to have an abortion. I also thought about adopton. Two main reasons why I wanted one of those was because I wasn't ready, and also because I didn't want my mom to find out, because she is crazy. I know many people say this about their parents, but she really is the most controlling and irrational person I have ever met in my entire life. I was petrified of her finding out, especially since my older sister had a baby a month before Karen got pregnant. I asked her many tiimes if god-forbid I was to ever get a girl pregnant what would she do, and she consistently told me she would have nothing to do with the baby and would have absolultely no respect for me.
So anyways, I tried to coerce her to go to Planned Parenthood, but when she agreed, it was too late already. I was kind of happy that it was too late because I felt terrible thinking of an abortion. My next plan was for an adoption. If Karen was willing to go through with it, I wanted to do it the right way, by meeting some infertile couple who could support the baby way better than we could. Eventually, though, mostly at her choice, we decided to have the baby. The next few months were a little rougher than usual, with her being extra moody and everything involved with a pregnancy, but I knew that so I just paid extra attention and care to her. She had to leave school a month early because of the pregnancy, and we missed our senior prom, which also distressed her.
Finally, the day came and the baby was born. It was a little girl, and we named her Krystal. She was so adorable. At that exact moment, I regretted every thought that I ever had of an abortion or an adoption. I now realize that many people deal with this, and it wasn't out of not loving the child, but out of fear. I am so glad that Karen was strong-willed in having the baby, because she is the biggest blessing I have ever had.
When Krystal was about a month old, Karen tried smoking pot with me for the first time. I would never ever pressure her into anything, she made the choice completely on her own. I used to have a major problem with pot and smoked 3 times a day consistently early in high school. I still smoked at that time, but not as badly. A few months later, we broke up for two main reasons. One was because of my irresponsibility with everything from showing up on time to screwing up in school. The other reason was because she said that she is getting scared that because of the seriousness of the relationship, she might never get to date other guys and see what they're like. She said that if we didn't do this now and maybe got married in the future, she would always doubt our relationship to an extent.
My life had and has been completely centered around her, and vice versa. I lost most of the few friends that I had because I rarely hung out with them cause I was always with her. We vowed to stay best friends and succeeded. Really, we were each others only friend at that point. We hung out every single night. We always played pool and watched movies and all that. We filirted with the idea that we might still have sex while we were just friends. She than told me she didn't feel like it would be right so we didn't. I started smoking pot and drinking again, mainly cause of depression and the fact that I could never have a great time anymore. Life went on, with her going to clubs with a few of her high-school buddies and meeting some guys and stuff. Than, one day, she told me she wasn't telling me something, and told me that she had been smoking with these guys from the pizza place that she worked at almost every day, and that she thought it was laced with angeldust. I went down to her job and told the boss, but he did nothing, as he knows that all the guys are on hardcore drugs. I never liked her job since I first met her. She was always sexually harrasesed by the guys there, whether they were touching her or treating her like garbage and passing sex comments all day. There was this one guy in particular, Jay, that always touched her and humiliated her. This annoyed me profoundly, and I desperately wanted her to get a new job. For some reason though, she never wanted to.
About two months ago, Karen told me she wanted to start having sex. I wasn't opposed to the idea, so we began. We timed her ovulation days so that we didn't use condoms some of the nights.
Two nights ago, she was at another club and I had the baby for the day. We always talk every night before we go to sleep, so when I brought the baby upstairs to put her to sleep, I took her notebook on the ground to get a blank piece of paper to tell her to call a different number than my cell cause I couldnt find it. When I flipped open the back of the book, I saw a whole bunch of writing. I glanced over it and saw what shocked me more than anything I ever seen...It was her writing about her having sex with Jay. I started immediately shaking and felt like a knife was stabbed right through my heart. I wished I had never seen them in a way, but since I already saw that, I needed to know the rest, so I ripped the four pages out that she had written on.
On my drive home to my house, I felt so badly like crashing my car into a tree. I was crying uncontrollably, and wanted to kill either her or someone. I got home and read every detail, and found out everything I never wanted to know. Comments like how "she stopped calling me daddy in bed cause Jay was her real daddy," and a thousand times worse. She had slept with him it appeared over 40-50 times, but the worst thing in the world was that he blatantly used her. I could even see it in the writing. One day would have her writing about how she's depressed because Jay humiliated her at work and would never talk to him again. The next day had her writing that Jay asked her to hang out and she couldn't resist, and she would walk over to his house late at night and screw him all the time. She knew it and let herself be whored around by this total asshole.
I was thinking about how I would tell her, and my first thought was that when she called, I would tell her she's the biggest slut I've ever known, and to go kill herself. The problem was, I have been the only person in her life that she can come to to talk to and/or hang out. Her only other friends are her clubbing friends that she never talks to and goes out with once a month.
I felt totally violated. We had so many talks, before and during while she was having sex with him where we talk about how great of a relationship we have because we truly care for and are there for each other, and how we're not typical teenagers. I was freaking out.
When she got home, she called me at around 4 in the morning. I answered and told her I felt betrayed by someone and I needed her to call me back cause I was talking to my older sister asking for advice. She called me back twenty minutes later and knew that I had taken the sheets. We proceeded to talk for about 5 hours on the phone, crying to each other, with me flipping out and asking her a milllion questions and just going crazy. She told me all about how she wanted to tell me but knew I would be so pissed so she kept it a secret and it turned into a web of lies. Over the three years + that we knew each other, she never lied to me once that I can remember, and I always had a 100% faith and trust in her.
The past few years of my life have been a little crazy. I met this girl Karen in my sophmore year of high school. For some reason, she sparked my interest wildly. She was kinda shy and not part of the 'popular' crowd, and that made her all the more appealing to me as I never did either. I talked to and got to know her. That summer, I went away to my summer house and we didn't talk. When we got back to school in junior year, though, I started off right where we left behind. There was jus something about her that drew me to her like a magnet. We went on a few dates, and it didnt go that great. I asked her out anyway, and she said no. I continued to chase after her though. After numerous attempts throughout the year (and I felt she led me on some of those times), she finally accepted, and we started dating.
I than started to realize that she had many problems I wasn't aware of. She is Obsessive-Compulsive, and was diagnosed with a mild psychosis. Also, she is extremely self-conscious about her looks, to the point where if someone didn't think she was hot, she would flip out about it. She used to be anorexic also but worked through that. She also seems to have a major problem in social situations when she's around me, saying things like she doesnt think I pay any attention to her, etc. Almost everytime we hung out, we had a major problem because of her paranoia or something to that matter. I stuck with her thorughout the entire time. With my help and the help of a psychologist and some medication, she got much better, although some of the paranoia and such remained.
We started to have sex later that year, and very rarely used condoms. She lost her virginity to me. As you can probably predict, she got pregnant early into our senior year. My first reaction was to have an abortion. I also thought about adopton. Two main reasons why I wanted one of those was because I wasn't ready, and also because I didn't want my mom to find out, because she is crazy. I know many people say this about their parents, but she really is the most controlling and irrational person I have ever met in my entire life. I was petrified of her finding out, especially since my older sister had a baby a month before Karen got pregnant. I asked her many tiimes if god-forbid I was to ever get a girl pregnant what would she do, and she consistently told me she would have nothing to do with the baby and would have absolultely no respect for me.
So anyways, I tried to coerce her to go to Planned Parenthood, but when she agreed, it was too late already. I was kind of happy that it was too late because I felt terrible thinking of an abortion. My next plan was for an adoption. If Karen was willing to go through with it, I wanted to do it the right way, by meeting some infertile couple who could support the baby way better than we could. Eventually, though, mostly at her choice, we decided to have the baby. The next few months were a little rougher than usual, with her being extra moody and everything involved with a pregnancy, but I knew that so I just paid extra attention and care to her. She had to leave school a month early because of the pregnancy, and we missed our senior prom, which also distressed her.
Finally, the day came and the baby was born. It was a little girl, and we named her Krystal. She was so adorable. At that exact moment, I regretted every thought that I ever had of an abortion or an adoption. I now realize that many people deal with this, and it wasn't out of not loving the child, but out of fear. I am so glad that Karen was strong-willed in having the baby, because she is the biggest blessing I have ever had.
When Krystal was about a month old, Karen tried smoking pot with me for the first time. I would never ever pressure her into anything, she made the choice completely on her own. I used to have a major problem with pot and smoked 3 times a day consistently early in high school. I still smoked at that time, but not as badly. A few months later, we broke up for two main reasons. One was because of my irresponsibility with everything from showing up on time to screwing up in school. The other reason was because she said that she is getting scared that because of the seriousness of the relationship, she might never get to date other guys and see what they're like. She said that if we didn't do this now and maybe got married in the future, she would always doubt our relationship to an extent.
My life had and has been completely centered around her, and vice versa. I lost most of the few friends that I had because I rarely hung out with them cause I was always with her. We vowed to stay best friends and succeeded. Really, we were each others only friend at that point. We hung out every single night. We always played pool and watched movies and all that. We filirted with the idea that we might still have sex while we were just friends. She than told me she didn't feel like it would be right so we didn't. I started smoking pot and drinking again, mainly cause of depression and the fact that I could never have a great time anymore. Life went on, with her going to clubs with a few of her high-school buddies and meeting some guys and stuff. Than, one day, she told me she wasn't telling me something, and told me that she had been smoking with these guys from the pizza place that she worked at almost every day, and that she thought it was laced with angeldust. I went down to her job and told the boss, but he did nothing, as he knows that all the guys are on hardcore drugs. I never liked her job since I first met her. She was always sexually harrasesed by the guys there, whether they were touching her or treating her like garbage and passing sex comments all day. There was this one guy in particular, Jay, that always touched her and humiliated her. This annoyed me profoundly, and I desperately wanted her to get a new job. For some reason though, she never wanted to.
About two months ago, Karen told me she wanted to start having sex. I wasn't opposed to the idea, so we began. We timed her ovulation days so that we didn't use condoms some of the nights.
Two nights ago, she was at another club and I had the baby for the day. We always talk every night before we go to sleep, so when I brought the baby upstairs to put her to sleep, I took her notebook on the ground to get a blank piece of paper to tell her to call a different number than my cell cause I couldnt find it. When I flipped open the back of the book, I saw a whole bunch of writing. I glanced over it and saw what shocked me more than anything I ever seen...It was her writing about her having sex with Jay. I started immediately shaking and felt like a knife was stabbed right through my heart. I wished I had never seen them in a way, but since I already saw that, I needed to know the rest, so I ripped the four pages out that she had written on.
On my drive home to my house, I felt so badly like crashing my car into a tree. I was crying uncontrollably, and wanted to kill either her or someone. I got home and read every detail, and found out everything I never wanted to know. Comments like how "she stopped calling me daddy in bed cause Jay was her real daddy," and a thousand times worse. She had slept with him it appeared over 40-50 times, but the worst thing in the world was that he blatantly used her. I could even see it in the writing. One day would have her writing about how she's depressed because Jay humiliated her at work and would never talk to him again. The next day had her writing that Jay asked her to hang out and she couldn't resist, and she would walk over to his house late at night and screw him all the time. She knew it and let herself be whored around by this total asshole.
I was thinking about how I would tell her, and my first thought was that when she called, I would tell her she's the biggest slut I've ever known, and to go kill herself. The problem was, I have been the only person in her life that she can come to to talk to and/or hang out. Her only other friends are her clubbing friends that she never talks to and goes out with once a month.
I felt totally violated. We had so many talks, before and during while she was having sex with him where we talk about how great of a relationship we have because we truly care for and are there for each other, and how we're not typical teenagers. I was freaking out.
When she got home, she called me at around 4 in the morning. I answered and told her I felt betrayed by someone and I needed her to call me back cause I was talking to my older sister asking for advice. She called me back twenty minutes later and knew that I had taken the sheets. We proceeded to talk for about 5 hours on the phone, crying to each other, with me flipping out and asking her a milllion questions and just going crazy. She told me all about how she wanted to tell me but knew I would be so pissed so she kept it a secret and it turned into a web of lies. Over the three years + that we knew each other, she never lied to me once that I can remember, and I always had a 100% faith and trust in her.
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I felt and still feel totally betrayed, but for some reason I am still enveloped by her. She came over tonight to talk, and we had a very serious discussion for a good three hours. I felt I handled the situation very maturely. I was thinking about maybe saying we shouldn't talk anymore because of how hurt I was, but I didn't, mainly out of knowing that than I would have absolutely no one to hang out with, especially since I live on my own now. Also, she lives with my baby so that wouldn't really work, as I'd have to see her all the time anyway. I just can't imagine my life without her in it. We were telling each other how much we cared about each other, and we ended up having sex. It really didn't mean much to me. I am so confused and have no clue what to do. I feel totally helpless. I think about her all day no matter what. I dont even feel like meeting anyone new. She is the sweetest girl I've ever known, but this kills me more than anything. My confidence is shattered, not only from this, but from over the past few months of being slightly miserable and not having any friends that actually give a crap about me. Even after she cheats on me, puts me in danger, and everything else, I was telling her tonight that eventually I wanna get back together and maybe get married a little later on in life. What is wrong with me? What can I do to change myself? How can I resolve this situation? I am tormented. All I saw all day was flashes of Jay screwing Karen with her screaming in delight, being totally whored. I know she loves me and cares for me, and she is truly sorry for what happened, but I don't know If I'll ever be able to get over this. Thanks for reading my story. Please help me out
firstly, i apologise if i most more than 1 responce to your post, but it was very long+il probably miss bits out that i wana say!
Im sorry if this isnt what you want to hear, but i dont think this girl cares for you at all! You need to move on, away from her. Dont worry about your daughter, as you have your rights to see her, and she cant stop the contact you have with her.
This girl had all these self-confidence issues, but then she sleeps around like some sort of slag? :eek2: Im sorry, but from reading your post that is what i see her as. She has used you, and this is why you still care for her - bcos she's been such a big part of your life for so long. Dont be scared of being alone, its better to be all alone than with this girl. She'll only hurt you, and she'll probably carry on sleeping with these other guys if the 2 of you get back 2geva. Move on, i cant say it enough!! It's going to be really hard, but you've got to try!!
If i were you id try to arrange some sort of counselling for yourself, as you seem quite lonely, but it will do you the world of good to get these things off your chest! It may also help with the pot issues
Be strong, and stick by your guns, dont go back to her, bcos she cant care for you at all!! Keep things civil for your childs sake, but dont let her stop you from living YOUR life!
PM me if you want to chat, or anything! Just remember, you are never alone :thumb:
SBG
BTW -sorry if that was all rambling, i just wrote what i thought
:yes:
This girl knows she has a sort of control over you, and if you let yourself want her after what she has done, she will carry on.
If you want some personal relationship advice you could try go ask alice who are based in colombia.
Take care
Susie
Sorry if i've being a bit harsh but I think you need to seriously consider having anything to do with her. She seems to have you wrapped around her finger, she is controlling you and making it seem what she has done is ok, even though her supposed "best friend" is loosing the plot over her actions.
Basically she's shagged two other blokes that you know of, risked infection and your health, basically ripped your heart out and stuffed it back in and you think that you need to be nice !!!
:banghead:
I have to agree with lickalot, get a grip man and stop trying to make excuses or let her make you feel guilty. Either get some closure on this or let her run your life for you.
From the way i see it you have three choices:
Become a couple again and try and be there for your kid
Be "friends" which basically translates in her language as she gets to shag around and you get shit on.
Tell her it's over and take a step back from her but still keep yourself involved in your childs life.
*shrugs but hey what the fuck would i know* <--- grumpy cow this morning
I can empathise the feeling of betrayal, and just reading your story made me hurt a little. But getting away from the situation and having your own life - if just for the present time - will do you no end of good. How are you going to cope if you get married down the line and every time you go to sleep together you just have mental flashes of her with Jay or the other guy? I would also recommend seeing a counsellor.
PM me if you need to talk
I sort of know what your going through (all though on a much smaller scale) but I wont go into that - let me just say I know how hard it was for me to get her out of my thoughts and that was without all the history you have with this girl.
She is using you - i really don't think she's doing it deliberatley, I think she does care for you but uses those other guys for confidence boosts or for punishing herself.
You've got to distance yourself from her - get some new friends get a life away from her or your whole life is gonna be spent in agony over her. I know its difficult but a few months of pain forcing yourself to stay away from her while she's in your head all the time is a lot better than spending the rest of your life being used by her.