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What a screw-up
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically I never seem to hit it off with girls. I try to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with me but it gradually seems to dawn on me that there might be. I'm 18, I've never had a girlfriend (apart from one at school for a day which was apparently some kind of sick joke), and despite all my efforts I've only kissed 2 girls in my life (don't remember much cos i was quite drunk at the time).
I just seem to feel inferior to all of my mates who have girlfriends/pull regulary.
It all seems unfair that they get all the fun and that I don't, to be honest. I've never brought the matter up with them, and only a couple of my mates have seemed to point this out to me, which does piss me off as it wasn't done in a very nice manner.
I really don't know what to do - 'Good friends' is as far as anything usually goes, and it always seems to be me with the crush on someone who fucks up any chances of a relationship.
My best chance of having a relationship was with this girl I met at college. She'd told me that she fancied me, but i don't know what happened really. I put in the effort to bring us together but on the first date it all went pear shaped. She told me that she didn't want a boyfriend and just left it at that. I don't know wheter I read the singns wrong, or whether she'd been stringing me along for a couple of months.
I just try to ignore my feelings about this subject most of the time, but they'll always come back to me.
I just seem to feel inferior to all of my mates who have girlfriends/pull regulary.
It all seems unfair that they get all the fun and that I don't, to be honest. I've never brought the matter up with them, and only a couple of my mates have seemed to point this out to me, which does piss me off as it wasn't done in a very nice manner.
I really don't know what to do - 'Good friends' is as far as anything usually goes, and it always seems to be me with the crush on someone who fucks up any chances of a relationship.
My best chance of having a relationship was with this girl I met at college. She'd told me that she fancied me, but i don't know what happened really. I put in the effort to bring us together but on the first date it all went pear shaped. She told me that she didn't want a boyfriend and just left it at that. I don't know wheter I read the singns wrong, or whether she'd been stringing me along for a couple of months.
I just try to ignore my feelings about this subject most of the time, but they'll always come back to me.
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PS Welcome to TheSite! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
A lot of girls I know seem to go for the t@ssers - you know, treat 'em like crap but have girls buzzing around them. Dunno why that happens but a few times I've been told they'd rather stay friends than risk losing a nice bloke (sort of reasurring, but annoying when they complain there arent any nice men out there!!). Maybe you have this problem aswell.
Anyway enough rambling. There's not much to advise, confidence plays a big part in it so tell yourself that, although you may get hurt along the way, you won't find anyone unless you try. Just don't be too intense, if you find a nice girl take it slowly, these things take time - leap in there and she'll get scared (I'm speaking from experience here!!). Also, if there is someone you like then make sure you're clean, hygiene is very important to girls. As Zero II said, just hang in there, try not to dwell on it (ok easier said than done!!) and try your luck with a few girls. You'll have to risk being hurt before you can find happiness.
Oh, Fookov, if only you could follow your own advice...
[This message has been edited by Fookov (edited 20-09-2001).]
xxxxxx
I have one or two reasonably good female mates, so it aint that; I guess Im just too scared to ever do anything about it.
It matters not who won or lost, but how you place the blame.
I`m 17, 18 soon, only had 1 girlfriend (and I think that was a subconscious thing where I just took the first person to offer) and I don`t seem to get on too well with girls.
I can talk to older women (in fact I feel more comfortable with older people in general) and there`s this one girl at work (and soon college) who I really like and I think she may like me and I go through phases where I think she likes me and others where I think I`m diluding myself, and no matter how much I try I just can`t manage to keep a conversation going with her or manage to ask her out.
I can talk to other girls my own age but I can never really become friends with them.
I don`t go out, hardly at all. Soon as I`m 18 I intend to go out a bit more and socialise with people from work more.
"Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
Really?! Where??!? :P
Well I suppose it's good to read that I'm not the only one with this problem, lots of lads do so I guess that's kinda reassuring. I guess the best way to overcome being shy asking someone out is by SMS. If you get turned down it's a lot less personal and there's less pressure. Either that or you can ask if they have MSN or ICQ or whatever and chat to them on the net.
Talyn, I know how you feel about being unable to go out. I'm agoraphobic n get panic attacks so it's not easy to meet girls.
dont give up, just keep tryin and lady luck will shine on ya
But dont get hung up on finding a girl, love often comes along when you are least expecting it. Try and have more female mates, it gets easier if you already know what girls find attractive.
It matters not who won or lost, but how you place the blame.
omg, i sound so twee, and just like someone off a cheesy american chat show <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
maybe this will make more sense: be a good friend, act kindly towards others, so you can learn to be happy with who you are. eventually, things will go your way, and you'll be left holding all the aces.
its still too twee <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
all that is not to say that you shouldnt go out partying, socialising, finding your niche in social circles. hell, people wont just fall in to your lap!
wtf am i doing advising on this. i cant really talk from a +ve p.o.v., so why am i tyring. i'm talking bullshit and i know it, so i'm gonna shut my trap. hope it doesnt sound too cheesy.
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum
I completely know what you mean, firstly as a girl who has only been in one proper relationship and a couple of casual ones, but also as a girl looking for a relationship now.
I am generally quite bad at starting and forming long lasting relationships but if you just want to pull in a club I have recently developed a technique that seems to work well with me...
Ok. Imagine you are in a club. What would someone have to do to you to make you want to pull them?
For me, this person would have to physically appeal to me in some way. Secondly, he would have to catch my attention, which generally would mean holding my gaze and smiling if I caught his eye. Once we've got the eye thing going, one or other of us would have to move to the other person to talk. If a bloke walked over to me in a club and sat down and started chatting, I couldn't give a shit what he says. I know that he fancies me and if I am interested I'd probably make it pretty obvious (being very flirty etc). After that it's just about the eye contact-at some piont we'll look at each other and smile or something, and it'll just happen.
Ok, I know that I sound like a complete tart but like I said, if you are looking for a one night pull then it is mostly about the body language and having that initial confidence to talk in the first place. Seriously, I used to be seriously shy and it was only when I realised that I could do whatever that person did to me that I actually started pulling. Trust me!
As for the relationship bit, I could do with advice too... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
if in doubt-dance.
Wanna grow, grow up to be, be a debaser!
Why does that happen? That really gets my goat! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif">
Good word Talyn; "dilude". <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
I have to admit I'm one of the many people who tends to go out with evil nasty men. First of all, there's no way to screen men for their evilness. I've tried - (So, do you like raping women? Have you ever beaten a girl? Do you ever cheat? No? - And then it turns out that he's the one who just ignores every woman he goes out with & that's the question I forgot to ask)
But then there are a couple of blokes who went out with me who can say that I'm really nasty (although I do tend to get along with most of my ex's)
I don't quite know what the solution is - I, personally, don't get involved with anyone I meet in a club, just because they normally use such bad chat-up lines it's unbelieveable.
I think just be open and friendly but not too keen.
Semper ubi sub ubi
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/kao/otn/pangel3.gif">
firstly, many girls go for shy, "nice guys." I do, most of my friends do. the only initial essential is that there has to be some physical attraction, because without that it ain't happening! also, about 75% of the girls you'll meet in the high street or wherever will be single, at least half that number will have been single for more than six months and about 10% will be in the same situation as you. you're not the only ones and it happens to both sexes <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
pointers:
- this sounds bad I know, but I have one extremely lovely male friend who wore the same jeans for seven days and slept in them too! so hygiene etc is a must.
- be yourself (yes it's possible), smile a lot and say "hi, how's life?" to girls, indeed everyone, that you're introduced to. it's an ice-breaker and it puts across a friendly image.
- be confident and try not to be nervous.
- don't use chat-up lines unless you're after a one-nights stand!
if I was successfully "chatted up" by a bloke, it would go summat like this: he'd make eye contact and smile a few times, then he'd come over to me and say "hi, I'm [insert name here], may I get you a drink or anything?" then we'd go sit somewhere and chat, or go and dance perhaps. eventually the moment would come and we'd kiss. the key is not to sound cheesy unless you're obviously being over the top and joking, and not to have the aim of getting her into bed (within the evening at least <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"> )
hope some of that ramble helped <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> good luck
"Hi, you don't know me, but my name is *******, I think you are very attractive, and I would love to get into your pants, what are my chances?"
*disappears again*