Babies & working mums

Former Member

Just wondering what you all think about mums who have just had a baby & gone back to work.
Do you think they should stay at home & lookafter thier baby at least until its a year old?

I know not many seem to agree but i personally think women should stay at home & look after thier child at least until one. otherwise you miss so much of your child growing up.
As far as affording to stay at home, some people can't afford to go back to work!

Discuss.

Former Member

I believe that a baby needs a constant source of parental guidance and control.
This can be from the mother or the father, but to deprive a child of it's parent at an early age can potentially be damaging.

Children need and deserve attention. The mother should stay at home, but on the flip side if she chooses to work then the father should remain at home.

Former Member

i knew of someone who went back to work after about 4 weeks - the words heartless bitch were often used in the same sentance when talking about her...

I think it depend on the circumstances

ideally IMO the mum should spend at least 9 months but a year would be better.
now, not that i feel mums should stay at home all the time, but if a decision to have kids then that is a big committment. The mum needs to honour that commitment for the first 3 or so years. maybe part-time working is an answer where by she can go back to work pt and the father does the same.

but like i said it really depends on all the circumstances. if they can't afford to stay at home, then they don't have much choice. but it confuses me when they do return to work and all the money they earn goes on child care.

we are planning things so that when we have our first baby my partner can go back to work if she wants. that is still several months away though and who knows what will happen...

Former Member

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Former Member

I think Ideally one of the parents or grandparents should be at home with the child most of the time till much older than that. Failing that, a childminder, but I hate the thought of tinies in a nursery when theyre little as they need to have one primary carer.
A lot of people cant afford to stay at home these days. The cost of living is so high, and in some areas people need two incomes just for the very basics, whereas a few years back it was the norm for a husband to be able to support his family on just one wage.

Former Member

Originally posted by hobbs
but like i said it really depends on all the circumstances. if they can't afford to stay at home, then they don't have much choice. but it confuses me when they do return to work and all the money they earn goes on child care.

Say that they planned to have a child knowing that the mother or father couldn't stay home to look after him or her, do you think thats right for them to have a child?

Former Member

Originally posted by Tweety
Say that they planned to have a child knowing that the mother or father couldn't stay home to look after him or her, do you think thats right for them to have a child?

It depends. I dont like it when people drop their child at nursery at 7am and then pick it up again at 6 or 7pm (It does happen a lot) I question why they had children, but you cant say theyve got no right to. I just think its sad, and cant understand who benefits from the arrangement. They are missing out on so much.

Former Member

Originally posted by rainbow brite
It depends. I dont like it when people drop their child at nursery at 7am and then pick it up again at 6 or 7pm (It does happen a lot) I question why they had children, but you cant say theyve got no right to. I just think its sad, and cant understand who benefits from the arrangement. They are missing out on so much.

That basically sums up what i think.

Former Member

Originally posted by Tweety
Say that they planned to have a child knowing that the mother or father couldn't stay home to look after him or her, do you think thats right for them to have a child?

difficult to judge.

its no small thing having a baby, one would want to question their reasons, explore why one of them couldn't stay at home.

I like what GWST says a parent at home until they are in their teens. This is hard, but my parents managed it, my partners did.

alot of it is about chosing the lifestyle you want to live against the lifestyle you can afford to live - that is a hard thing to manage. look at the amount of debt...

Former Member

I personally would go mad staying at home until my child is a teen. I think its a lot of pressure on a relationship financially and emotionally to be dependent on one person.
This needs to be taken into account.
Different people will feel differently about this, but I dont think its wrong for both parents to work if they want to/need to.

Former Member

I believe that raising children in the responsibility of the parents and that this is best done through one parent staying at home.

This is how my wife and I did things. Yes, we have taken a financial hit - and remember this is south-east england - and haven't done the things which many other people take for granted. I don't own a house, I have a reasonable car but nothing flash, until last year we hadn't been abroad on holiday since our honeymoon (1992!).

For me it all comes down to priorities and for us that meant children first, material goods second.

I appreciate though that I have good earning power (at least now I do) until four years ago though I was earning less than 15k, ten years ago I was unemployed. But I have worked hard to keep us in a position, and to increase my earning potential, where we are able to afford the "nice" things in life and raise our own children.

Now that they are both at school my wife is looking for a part-time job and she doesn't intend on returning to full-time work until the youngest is in his teens...

Former Member

Originally posted by Man Of Kent
For me it all comes down to priorities and for us that meant children first, material goods second.

Totally agree.

Former Member

Originally posted by Whowhere
I believe that a baby needs a constant source of parental guidance and control.
This can be from the mother or the father, but to deprive a child of it's parent at an early age can potentially be damaging.

I dont buy that to be honest. A relative like Grandma, Aunt, Uncle can offer guidance and control. You dont need to be a parent to do that. If a child is in a proper routine where it goes to Grandmas at 8am and Daddy/Mammy picks them up at 5/6pm then I think its ok, its when the child never knows when its parents are picking it up that I think it causes problems.

I personally wouldnt want to work if I had a baby, I think the parents miss out on so much of the babies development. Babies do different things almost daily, like the first smile, the first wave, the first step things like that are one of the most greatest things about a babies development and i for one would not like be last in the family to see it......Id want to be first.

I think in some cases people just cant afford to stay at home and if they need to work then so beit because if they lose the house because they cant afford the mortgage then thats going to make it hard for the family, things would get very stressful so then obviously baby would sense something is wrong. So in all I think if you can afford to stay at home obviously its going to be better for baby and for yourself but if you cant then obviously you will have to work, but in that case i think its best to keep the whole thing to routine, try to get a job where you arent going to be working till 10/11pm on a night because baby would never see you.

Sometimes Mothers enjoy just a little Part Time job because they are getting some adult company rather than just sat at home 'holding the baby' kinda thing and sometimes I think this is a good idea because when Mum comes home from her little part time job she actually does offer more to her child. She wouldnt have seen the baby for a few hours so when she gets home all her time is devoted to the baby.

Everyone of us are different and some people find that when baby comes along its not a bed of roses like everyone seems to think it is. Its not easy being a parent so suddenly having had a full time job and then to be stuck in the house all day with baby can make some parents feel trapped in a way and in cases like this I think its good for them to get a part time job just to give them a little break from the daily routine with baby.

Ive stayed at home with my Daughter and Im glad I did. If I hadnt then i would have missed lots of things. Even now as she is 8 she likes me to be here when she gets home from school, when she hurts herself she wants me because im her Mum and its gonna be that way as long as I can. However it may come that I have to work and if thats the case I would although I wouldnt be happy about it.

Former Member

I don't know about it that much but I would have thought that on average it is now easier to have only one person working? Average wages go up every year, it should only really be harder if a persons material expectations are higher?

Not to say that it isn't hard full stop of course.....

Former Member

Originally posted by Toadborg
I don't know about it that much but I would have thought that on average it is now easier to have only one person working? Average wages go up every year, it should only really be harder if a persons material expectations are higher?

Not to say that it isn't hard full stop of course.....

Yes, the government now pay you tax credits to help you stay at home to look after your child, they pay more if one of you works over 30hrs.
Ok its far from easy but then like you say, bringing up a child isnt anyway.

Former Member

A mother baby bond is essentail in the development of the baby, but the mother figure doesnt HAVE to be the real mother, as long as there is a figure there for guidence. I believe its well within a mothers right to go back to work, but anything before 6 months is way to soon, Also i dont believe like someone said leaving a baby at 6 am then pickin it up a 7 pm. short hours, leaving the baby with a friend or realative is fine

Former Member

The way I do it is I stayed at home full time till Lenny was 2 and a half. Then I got a part time evening job which means 3 evenings Hubby comes in at 4.30, and I have to be at work an hour later. The on sundays I work from 2 till 10. It does mean we dont get to spend that much time as a whole family, but it means that theres a lot less financial stress, lenny always has one of us there, and I get to be me, not just a mum. Next year I plan to go to college so we`ll have even less time as a family, but I think itll be worth it.
Ill have to arrange some childcare for lenny some days, but I think he`ll love it. Kids dont always want to be stuck with one person all the time once they get past a certain age. They go stir crazy.

Former Member

Has there been any studies on whether the child is affected by being placed in childcare at an early age. I know most people usually answer by how they feel personally but I'm interested in whether it makes a difference either way.

Former Member

I think there have been lots. Ill have a look later when i get back from work.

Former Member

If a mother can stay at home, the first year (few years) then no doubt is it th best.
I enjoyed having my mom around. Gave stability. And then it was a relief when she started working again when I became older...

But it's not all moms who can stay at home, and they shouldn't be shunned.
Rather solutions for them should be found.
If it's a matter of finance, then they should be able to recieve support.

Former Member

I think it's up to the mother, if she wants to go back to work straight away then that's her choice, especially if it's more the fact that she needs to work. Although I don't really see the point of having children in the first place if you're going to dump them on someone else to look after them from day 1! I think staying at home til they're in their teens is a bit pointless, they're not even there for most of the day so you don't need to stay at home. My mum went back to work part-time when my younger brother started school, he was 4 and I was 8, that's how I'd do it :yes:

Former Member

Originally posted by Jacqueline the Ripper
But it's not all moms who can stay at home, and they shouldn't be shunned.
Rather solutions for them should be found.
If it's a matter of finance, then they should be able to recieve support.

i agree.

ideally i think a full time mum or dad is best, but if it's a matter of a mum going back to work after a month to make sure her baby is clothed and fed and has a roof over his/her head then she deserves just as much respect as a mum who takes a ten year career break to have her children.

in my family, my dad was earning enough to support us, so my mum stayed at home from when she was pregnant with my older brother until i went to school, and then she got a job where she only worked school hours and term-time, so she was always there when we were. if we were ill, our grandma looked after us.

but i think i was one of the lucky ones, and a lot of families couldn't afford to do this. especially with the cost of living these days.

Former Member

Becky, I hadn't considered an Aunt, or Grandmother e.t.c. but I do agree with you.
My point was that there needs to be at least one familiar, loving face at all times. Someone to provide guidance as wells as love and care.
For me it was my mum and my grandparents (dad being in the police worked lots of shifts down south whilst I was young) but it hasn't affected me at all.

Former Member

Originally posted by BlackArab
Has there been any studies on whether the child is affected by being placed in childcare at an early age. I know most people usually answer by how they feel personally but I'm interested in whether it makes a difference either way.

James Bowlby did a lot of research into it
http://psychematters.com/bibliographies/bowlby.htm

Former Member

Ideally I think at least one parent should stay at home with the baby but sometimes it isn't possible.

I've a good friend who works in a nursery and their youngest charge is just 5 weeks old. Personally I don't think I would want to leave my 5 week old baby!

Former Member

Originally posted by BumbleBee
Personally I don't think I would want to leave my 5 week old baby!

I know I couldnt do it, good job I didnt have to eh.


Another thing to think about is that although I think its best for Mother to be at home with baby (if possible), sometimes I think that children who actually go to nurseries at an early age actually interact with other children better as they get older. My Daughter didnt have much contact with other children her age and I think she actually has problems now when it comes to mixing with children her own age. She gets on very well with older kids than her but kids the same age its as if she has nothing of interest with them.

Former Member

Originally posted by BeckyBoo
My Daughter didnt have much contact with other children her age and I think she actually has problems now when it comes to mixing with children her own age. She gets on very well with older kids than her but kids the same age its as if she has nothing of interest with them.

But then that might just be her personality. I was like that despite contact with other children from an early age.

Former Member

Well.. I think it's hard.

My girlfriend will stay at home with the baby til it's at least one.. She also wants to then do childcare in our local college so she can take the baby to the group with her and in the creche, how awesome is that !!!

On my part though it's fucking scary, I've got to pay for EVERYTHING. I know she'll get some benefits but ya know, not much and I'm in a shit load of debt and I got a car I bought last year on HP..

I nearly just bought a house but some prick gazumped me and signed for it with cash a day or two before I would've exchanged contracts..

Former Member

Never buy a car on finance, interest rates are awful.
Best thing to do is sell the car, and buy a fairly decent P reg or something second hand.

Former Member

Originally posted by Whowhere
Never buy a car on finance, interest rates are awful.
Best thing to do is sell the car, and buy a fairly decent P reg or something second hand.

yes, and stay at home with it till its one year old. Dont keep it in a car park as it wont bond with one carer fully then.

Former Member

Haha.

I can't sell it on finance though.. It's probably not worth what I owe !!