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I need some advice

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i'm a male thats had straight relationships but i've got friendly with a 17yr old lad and my feelings have made me very confused.We get on really well but I am now finding myself really attracted to him sexually.I think about him all the time but don't know if I should tell him how I feel. He hasn't got a girlfriend but i don't know if he's gay/bi. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

[This message has been edited by bitbi? (edited 22-12-2000).]

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by bitbi?:
    i'm a male thats had straight relationships but over the last few months i've got friendly with a 17yr old lad and my feelings have made me very confused.We get on well and have a good laugh but I am now finding myself really attracted to him sexually.I think about him all the time but don't know if I should tell him how I feel.He hasn't got a girlfriend but i don't know if he's gay/bi.I don't know what to do. Any advice?

    Maybe you like him as a very good friend and enjoy his company! Your hormones are all over the place at the mo! Like J9 said, when we get to know you a bit better we can help more.



    Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like j9 said (right as usual!), leave it for now is prob the best thing. Maybe talk to him casually about his views on gays.

    Hope this helps.

    DM

    Viti kuin muuri.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by bitbi?:
    i'm a male thats had straight relationships but over the last few months i've got friendly with a 17yr old lad and my feelings have made me very confused.We get on well and have a good laugh but I am now finding myself really attracted to him sexually.I think about him all the time but don't know if I should tell him how I feel.He hasn't got a girlfriend but i don't know if he's gay/bi.I don't know what to do. Any advice?

    Like J9 has said, take it easy for a while.
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    The only thing I could add is a previous experienc, due to circumstances I found myself seriously questioning my sexuality, and falling for a very very close and good personal friend. We ended up spending every moment together in the summer of 97, we did everything together, went everywhere, then one day we were frollicking around a local field, I decided to make a move and tried to slip him a kiss. He rolled away and walked off and out of my life. Russ will never forgive me, and I regret it.
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;
    I would only say take time and be careful, you could gain a love interest, but also loose a friend. think long and hard about this.

    Take care and good luck
    Luka



    The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by bitbi?:
    i'm a male thats had straight relationships but over the last few months i've got friendly with a 17yr old lad and my feelings have made me very confused.

    how old are you, and what got you together in the first place?

    Hom long have you been feeling the sexual attraction?

    My best guess on the VERY limited info is that it's just a crush.

    I'd go with caution at the moment, and try to work out just what it is you feel towards him.


    It could be that you have a very close `adult' friendship, that you've only experienced with girlfriends, and you are associating sex with that feeling.

    who knows?.

    (you could always submit his address to one of the secret admirer web sites...)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LUKA:
    We ended up spending every moment together in the summer of 97, we did everything together, went everywhere, then one day we were frollicking around a local field, I decided to make a move and tried to slip him a kiss. He rolled away and walked off and out of my life.
    Well, if anybody did that to me they'd be saying hello to my knee, regardless of wether I fancied them. Okay I'd probable talk to them again, and forget about it after a week.

    The closest I got to anything like this was when I was mucking about with a friend. We were on her bed, and she went to tickle me, but got me between the legs. It was the kind of cack handed thing she'd do, so I knew it hadn't been on purpose, but it put the damper on that afternoons fun.

    I would only say take time and be careful, you could gain a love interest, but also loose a friend. think long and hard about this.
    which is, to an extent, true about any friendship you want to take further.

    Makes the lads moan - "she said she didn't want to loose me as a friend, they only ever goo for the b'tards" etc. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif"&gt;

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think most people question their sexuality at some point in their lives especially when their young. thats not to say you're not gay/bi but i think its too early to know. give yourself some time to understand your feelings and then make a decision about what to do.
    love and peace xxx

    i'm not denying that women are stupid; God made them to match the men.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You should come to the gay village in manchester with me and my (lesbian) best mate youd soon find out if you were gay or not!
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by RachaelHolmes:
    LUKA wasn't asking for anyone to judge him when he made that post, he was just offering someone else knowledge from his experience so they did not make the same mistake!


    this place is not for u to judge others but for u to offer usefull advice, and if u haven't got anything usefull to say on the subjct don't say anything at all.
    agree.


    I wasn't at all clear. I wasn't intending to judge LUKA, only his action. Any uninvited intimate contact with me would result in an agressive defence.

    does the same stand for if it was a girl u got mixed signals and made a mistake?
    My example was where the "offender" was female, so yes. Also, I almost punched a nurse at a GUM clinic - I'd escaped into a daydream and wasn't expecting to be touched - but that is a whole other story.

    and back to the topic
    the rest was pretty much along the same lines as my advice, so of course I agree <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;




    [This message has been edited by Carriage Return (edited 15-12-2000).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by RachaelHolmes:
    i was chatting with Luka when he posted the above reply, he said he was worried about what ppls response to it would be. i told him not to worry about it as no1 here judges other, i know he was very sensitive about the entire subject.

    really wasn't judging LUKA. If he saw my message that way, and people can pass on a message to him, please let me know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by j9j9:
    I won't, but he will message me. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    please tell him that as a gay man I'm not going to think badly of him for having sexual feelings for another man, or acting on them; and that I'm very sorry if he read what I put as being that way.
    And that he had these sort of feelings for a close friend does not make me think that he is gay or bi or anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a big issue so i say leave it for a few months until you are certain about how you feel. When teens are growing up, they aften get mixed up about a lot of things...and sometimes sexually is one of those things.
    leave it for a while and see what happens. Whatever happens will happen.
    But just don't mess things up yet now with your friend...it's too risky losing a friendship over some mixed feelings you're not even sure about now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi bitbi i think u should give it more time cus if hes not gay it could result in something nasty.just wait and see then decide you never know it might just be a phase your going though at these years in life.and if it turns out true dont be ashamed ur just a human and i totaly respect that.just dont do things just to make other people happy.good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have the same feelings as you, bitbi?, is there some way to chat to you in private?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by When then?:
    I have the same feelings as you, bitbi?, is there some way to chat to you in private?

    Ok I know what u'all gonna say to this, but I have bigtime alarm bells in my head on this one.

    When then, can we as a collective help, if you post your situation up the comunity I'm sure can offer you some quality advice. We are quite good at that and we don't bite, well not that hard (we are a rabies free society here <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; )after all a problem shared is a problem halved.

    We do worry on occasions when a first post is vague and suggests private meetings, I'm sure you're intentions are honourable, why not give us a chance to see if we can help. BitBi I'm sure is not the only one who's at somestage in their life felt the way he's described. If you want us to give as much support and advice as possible, give a post with outlines of what's troubling you and we'll be happy to help, right guys ???.

    A post like this highlights the benefit of the need for a real time chat room. Dom any chance, I personally garantee an RTC room won't be detrimental to the message boards, (bold statement I know, but hey I'm rarely wrong, maybe once a lifetime).

    good luck when look forward to being able to offer what advice I can and I know the rest feel the same.

    Luka


    The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Seriously, NO OFFENCE, but i am abit shy, and would like to talk to someone who understands what I am going through. Don't takr=e it the wrong way but, i don't want llots of people know my most intimate thoughts. i shouldn't be posting on this site then, should I??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah.. I think I'd make a good policeman <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks to everyone who posted a reply. Its good to know there are people out there who are willing to help. I suppose the advice wasn't what I hoped people would say but I know it makes sense.
    Thanks again.

    ps 'When Then' we could meet on UKChat. Just let me know when and i'll try and be there.

    [This message has been edited by bitbi? (edited 08-01-2001).]
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