I don't know how to finish it..

Former Member

i've been with my current boyfriend for 3yrs now, since i was 16. i love him to bits, and we have been through some really hard times together. Thing is i am not IN love with him anymore. The chemistry has gone, and it's just a routine now, if you know what i mean.

Plus i'm at uni, and he lives miles away, which wasn't a problem, but i think is now adding to things.

I don't know how to end it. It's gonna crush him, and although we fight a lot i know he won't be expecting this. Please help! I know what it feels like to get your heart broken. I still want him as a friend, it's just it's so different now, and we are both going in different directions...

Someone please help....!!

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Former Member

Originally posted by emmex:
<STRONG>which wasn't a problem, but i think is now adding to things.

I don't know how to end it. It's gonna crush him, and i know he won't be expecting this. I know what it feels like to get your heart broken. I still want him as a friend


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Emmex, same thing is just happening to me - only the other way 'round. My gf says things are changing, what with circumstances and all... and you're right, he won't understand. I don't understand. I just feel hopeless, and yes, 'course you will hurt him. And I don't know if you will be able to keep him as a friend. Don't know if I could do that.
So if you don't know how to end it, first make really sure that you want to end it. Really really sure. After such a long time you don't want to sacrifice anything just to a change of circumstances. But OK - if you're sure, there will be a way to end it. It won't be easy though. Sorry for that. Sorry for everything. <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="frown">

Former Member

Sounds tricky. You mentioned he is moving in a different direction now as well. It may be worth trying to gauge what he is thinking. Try asking him what he thinks of the relationship and if he sees it going anywhere long-term? That way you'll get an idea of what he thinks without revealing your thoughts about stopping it. This may help to find the way forward.

Of course, he may cotton-on to the idea that you're thinking of finishing it and ask you what you think. If so, you could just say "I don't really know" or something, rather than breaking it off suddenly. Then he might start thinking some more.

At the end of the day, after all this, if he wants to pursue the relationship further and you don't, there's no way out but to tell him exactly what you think. It will be very hard for him, no doubt, but then you're both still pretty young and he'll be locked arm-in-arm with someone else before 5 or 10 years are out!!

Finally, as has just been said, make sure you are sure what it is you want or don't want out of the relationship - I guess it's just a downgrade to "friendship" level?