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lurrrve predicament

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
right, where do i start...

ive been @ college with this girl since september; and to cut a long story short, i think i *look out peeps* love her <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif"&gt;

the thing is, she has a long term bf who lives far away, who visits at the weekend, and they are always texting and stuff.

but when we are together, ive never ever gotten on so well with a girl, she is very touchy feely with me, more so than anyone else ive seen her with; which is great <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; its like flirting, but more direct i guess.

i just dont know whether to tell her how i feel, cos this whole love thing is a new one to me, or would that jeopardise our great friendship cos i feel like it could go to another level, but it seems like there is a 10 foot thick glass ceiling above me.

if u can jumble through that mess, pls tell me anything u want that could help

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    u gotta respect that this girl is in a relationship. if she finishes with this fella though and u think that she fancies you then go for it, but only if that happens cos it really could ruin ur friendship
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah true, but shes always moaning about how much be checks up on her, he goes through her phone looking at the call lists and the texts and stuff.

    and, because most of their communicating is mainly through email, it is easier to write things in them, so they appear all nice and perfect; then she tells me how they argue all the time on the fone for silly little reasons and stuff. no idea if thats relevant

    damn!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK u have gotta understand that she is in a long-term relationship wit this guy. I seriously don't think u can do ne thing about the way u feel about her.....YET ne way!

    If u tell her now u could lose her as a mate. If things are really as bad as she makes out between her & her bf then they could be coming 2 an end ne way.

    I know its hard but i think its just a question of patience on ur part.
    If they finish, give her time 2 get over him b4 making a move otherwise u could be the rebound guy which ain't nice!!

    If things don't finish wit them though i think u just gotta accept it ain't gonna happen! Please don't do ne thing like trying 2 split them up or become obsessive possessed over her though coz it could back fire on u.

    As i said i know its hard but i think u just gotta be patient & c wot happens!

    Good luck!
    XxX
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds to me that she dont know wot she wants. if i were u i'd stay out of it and let her sort things out for herself. at least this way if they do break up she'll have u there to help her through it and it may bring u even closer to her
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think unless she's really in love with this guy, she's unlikely to want to keep a long-distance relationship going. Girls want to talk to their guys frequently, to surprise them after work with a picnic or something, or whatever. Long-distance is really difficult. So you may be in with a chance! but watch your step, it could also be a phenomenon known as the "six month itch!" Good luck.

    *~stellar~*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Piece of advice hamster:
    A good friendship will ALWAYS last longer then even the seemingly best relationship. If you stick it out, and dont pounce on her as soon as she breaks up, just be there for her as a friend then you have more chance of her realising you would make a pretty good bf. Try it and see, good luck.
    p.s.If they really are going to break up, a little "helpful" advice from you cant go wrong, just DONT make it obvious, if she knows that you like her as more than a friend she'll smell a rat.
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    stellar i think youre wrong to say she's unlikely to want it to last. long distance relationships CAN work.. i was in one for 16 months and one for 3 months. and a friend of mine has now been in one for almost 2 years, and theres a distance of 200 miles for them. (by rights they shouldnt be together, shes afraid of change and being alone but hey). they just take a little effort, phone calls, text messages, regular visits, finding ways of not letting the relationship get stale or monotonous etc.

    i think, if their relationship seems to be strong, then you just have to find some way of coping with your feelings and not telling her. if the relationship does break apart then maybe let her know your feelings. not straight away, that'll probably be too much for her and she wont know what to do. just be there as a friend for now and if things change in her relationship, then well, good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    oh and btw, im soooooo not the person to be giving this advice lol

    I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
    ~ the late, great Douglas Adams
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    as always, gfm speaks the truth. being in a long distance relationship is hard as is having unrequited love.

    stellar, try to picture urself in a committed relationship that has distance. would you appreciate someone else trying to break it up and take advantage of that distance and the fact that you can't be there? you're opinion is valid, but think about what ur telling hamster to do.

    hamster, same thing.. if you were the one in the relationship, would you like someone else moving in when ur not there? it's not a pleasant thought. i know it's not fair that you feel this way, but unless you can find out if this person feels the same, nothing good can come of telling her ur feelings. u will get hurt, and you may lose a dear friend.

    just be her friend for now. like everyone says here, u may get a if she ever breaks with this guy, but don't be the cause. that is just not being fair to someone u say you love.

    good luck dude.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    actually, yeah, gfm and Calvin you're right, friendship does last longer and should be treasured.

    I do think long-distance is tricky - for me and my ex there was ten thousand miles separating us, and yes, he met another girl who lived in his street! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif"&gt; So I guess I wasn't making any sense up there, lol! But I never found the distance easy. I think I'll always prefer to be close.

    hamster, once a cheat always a cheat, better to wait until she breaks up with him. Good luck!

    This is the first day of the rest of your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *~stellar~*:
    actually, yeah, gfm and Calvin you're right, friendship does last longer and should be treasured.

    I do think long-distance is tricky - for me and my ex there was ten thousand miles separating us, and yes, he met another girl who lived in his street! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif"&gt; So I guess I wasn't making any sense up there, lol! But I never found the distance easy. I think I'll always prefer to be close.

    hamster, once a cheat always a cheat, better to wait until she breaks up with him. Good luck!


    hello stellar

    i know what you mean, distance sucks big time. my current relationship puts me 5k miles away from my love. it's hard, but you have to trust to make it work. unfortunately, your ex was a bastard if he did that to you. so i understand if you're gun shy about doing another long distance thing anytime soon.

    but it can work if you find the right person. and if you can make it through the distance, you will be a stronger couple for it.


    [This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 26-05-2001).]
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