jealousy & paranoia

BillieTheBot

ok where do i start?

my relationship with my fiancee has been going really well apart from one main problem. he gets jealous really easy.

it's not that he stops me going out without him or he's bothered about me having male friends but he's just so scared that i'm gonna cheat on him that it's really getting to be a big problem.

i'm not gonna cheat on him, i've never cheated on anyone, i just couldn't but how can i convince him?

sometimes it's like he's trying to control what i say when i'm out coz he thinks that guys r gonna get the wrong impression. and when we have arguments he doesn't like me mentioning to my best friend. he really wouldn't be happy if he knew i was talking about this here.

just yesturday we were on our way to the pub an he was talking about the top i was wearing coz u could c my bra straight thru it. he said it didn't bother him but it would bother him if a guy came up to me and tried to chat me up. i offered to get changed but he said he didn't want me 2.

then later on at the pub i went over to the cash point with my sister who was also at the pub and i can't remember exactly what we were talking about but i'm sure it was money. he got all paranoid coz i we sat down we finished our conversation. he was sure we had been talking about him (which i know 4 a fact we hadn't). but he didn't say anything to me at the time, he waited until we had got home and gone to bed to bring it up and we ended up having a screaming argument about it.

he says he can't tell when i'm lying and when i'm telling the truth. i have never lied to him. it's like he always assumes that i'm being deceitful about something and it's just really getting me down.

nrn just wanted to get it off my chest

Former Member

Have you read this article yet?
http://www.thesite.org.uk/relationships/lovelife/jealousy.html

Former Member

i know u love this guy and all but if u wanna marry him and be happy 10 years down the line u have to talk to him and tell him that you dont like the way he is behaving. trust is the most important thing in a relationship and it seems to me that he doesnt trust you. try talkin to him and tell him that its making you unhappy and well if he doesnt listen then its up to u whether u think that u can be happy with him for the rest of ur life. good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

Former Member

thanx for that article karla. thing is i spend nearly all my time with him and love being with him. we have talked about this over and over again but nothing seems to change.
maybe it will get better.

thing is he is starting to invade my privacy, he goes thru my bag and checks my phone to c who i've been phoning. he never goes mad, he'll just say why did u phone ????? what did u talk about? did u mention me?
it's just really getting to me, maybe theres nothing i can do......

Former Member

Sounds like a control freak. You are going to have to sort this out, unless you want to live with it.

I'd guess you haven't worn the top again when you've been out with him?

It could be stress - are the wedding plans underway? or is there anything else troubling him?

On the bright side, at least you found out before you were married, so if you *can't* work it out you have a fairly easy escape route.

Former Member

thing is i know that he isn't trying to control me, that just happens.

i haven't had the chance to wear the top again and even if i did i don't think i would. i told him that its not like i'm gonna wear something like that if i'm not with him. and any guy that chats me up soon c's that i'm engaged.

no wedding plans yet, we have not long been engaged but the engagement party is this saturday. i just hope he doesn't cause an argument.

Former Member

Hi <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

just a thought, but has your b/friend been lied and cheated on in a previous relationship? Ask him.

My actions a few months ago could have been labelled as paranioa/whatever a few months ago when i suspected my ex g/f of being upto to sommat.......thing is though she was.....and if i hadnt have been so suspicious, i may now be bringing up someone elses child believing it to be my own <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">.

Now i know that everyone is different, but i will always be very cautious in putting my trust in someone because of what has happened, maybe someone has hurt your b/f in this past too....? If so, give him as much re-assurance as you can.

Of course he could be the possessive type, things might be more complicated then? I've had possessive g/f's in the past and it wasnt particularly nice.....i ended up cheating because i was getting accused of it all the time anyway so i thought what the hell! Still no excuse for cheating though!

Bloody hell my 'thought' went on a bit didnt it lol ? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

lesson no.1 Sid - always proof read your posts BEFORE you press the submit button !

[This message has been edited by Sid (edited 24-05-2001).]

Former Member

he has been cheated on twice in the past, both times during serious relationships. at the same time he has cheated in the past.

i have never cheated although i have had the opportunity to, i know i just wouldn't beable to live with the guilt.

maybe things will calm down. i really just hope that saturday night goes ok and he doesn't get a fit of paranoia!