Aggressive

Former Member

Hi,
i am just writing because i am very concerned about my boyf. We split up last week because i am fed up of his attitude and the way he seems to think he can walk all over me and treat me like crap at times.The thing is, he never used to be like he is.I know people change,but i find that he is becoming very aggressive and i am always watching what i am saying incase i upset him.
We decided to give this week a final chance to see how things go. Things have been a lot betta but he has still had his moments.
I have watched my mam take a lot of shit from her partner and i am not prepared to go through the same.
So do i stick with him and put up with it hoping one day that he will change back to how he used to be?get up and leave now after nearly three years, or shall i try and help him-if thats at all possible?
Thanks for any advice!xx

Former Member

Apologies in advance for this being in no way helpful to your plight but I can assure you of this - he will NOT change.

That's the things with us blokes, we don't tend to like change, especially a neanderthal like him. Again I apologise, I don't mean to say nasty things about your bf, and of course I don't know him but I have little or no time for aggresive blokes like that.

Former Member

It doesnt sound like a good sign. Is there any reason hes changed lately? Is he depressed? You dont have to put up with it though whatever the reason. How long have u been together?

Former Member

Originally posted by rainbow brite
It doesnt sound like a good sign. Is there any reason hes changed lately? Is he depressed? You dont have to put up with it though whatever the reason. How long have u been together?

We have been together nearly three years. But i would say that i have noticed the change from the beginning of this year. He has been through a lot of things that could have caused him to become depressed. Before he met me his ex girlf fell pregnant and gave the baby up for adoption which he took really bad,hes had trouble concerntrating at college and uni in which he left both and fell in a dead end job and to top it off i went through a termination.
I have spoken to his mam about it and she has noticed the change aswell and she is also afraid to speak 2 him at times. We have both mentioned that it could be depression.
The thing is there is no way in this world that i could get him to go and speak about it with his GP, because he doesnt want to listen most of the time to anything that i have to say.
I would love just to get the old him back!

Former Member

maybe an ultimatum (sp) would help? could you tell him that he either goes and sees someone and trys to get help or you cant be with him?

Former Member

Originally posted by **Cinderella**
I would love just to get the old him back!

Maybe the old him is gone for good - could you live with that?
It sounds like hes had a hard time and probably is depressed, but unless hes prepared to get help, then theres absolutely nothing you can do to help him. Hes not exactly treating you with any respect. Youre not obliged to help him get better, and he might not even if you wanted to.

Former Member

Originally posted by blonde__batman
maybe an ultimatum (sp) would help? could you tell him that he either goes and sees someone and trys to get help or you cant be with him?

Im going to try and speak to him and tell him that i am concerned and if he doesnt listen, i will tell him that i cant be with him unless he trys to get help. I think he would just rather i left him though.

Former Member

I was with someone who changed into a more violent person. Now I think about it, there was a lot of unhappiness in his life, a lot of instability and being a lone and I suppose in someway he jut wanted to have some control in part of his life, and violence was his way of 'demanding' that sort of control. Maybe he is bordering on depression or something is pent up that he needs to talk through with someone.

I stayed hoping my partner would change and he didn't. It seemed like he had when I told him that I was now very much afraid of him incase he hurt me, he burst out crying (and this guy was like the lads lad, cryings for losers type of guy). I thought that I might see a change in him, but a day or two later he was back to normal. He's not gonna change if that's the way he's become, unless there is something really troubling him or getting him down that is causing him to be more short tempered and hitting out.

Hope that sorta helped!

Malt x:)

Former Member

Originally posted by **Cinderella**
Im going to try and speak to him and tell him that i am concerned and if he doesnt listen, i will tell him that i cant be with him unless he trys to get help.

You HAVE to mean it mind. Nothing better than empty threats for making people not take you seriously.

Former Member

Having been in a similar situation (minus the violence I hasten to add) I would suggest that life in general has taken its toll on your boyfriend. It honestly sounds to me like something big is bothering him.

Confront him in a non agressive manner and tell him that you've noticed a change in him and suggest he seek some help. Let him know you'll be there for him if he wants you to be but also be aware that things might never be the same between you again.

Former Member

Hey, thanx for all the posts they are very much appreciated!
I just want to point out that he hasnt been violent towards me, he has just become more aggressive in his manner and attitude.
Well we spoke last night and i told him basically that i dont like the person he is turning into and about how much he has changed. He really sat down and thought hard about it, apparently his mum and dad have told him the same thing and his freinds too. But i dont think i am going to get a change in him, because he reckons this is the person he is meant to turn into.
He wont go and see anyone, i reccommended a councillor maybe, but he also thinks that he has dealt with all of his problems and theyre all behind him in the past, but they havent gone forever and he doesnt understand that he needs to sort them out now before they make him worse.
I am going to chat with him today. I dont see a future with him, because i dont want to live the way i have been the past few months for the rest of my life, watching everything i say and worrying that he will fly off the handle.
Thats probably just easier said than done though, but i'll have to wait and see!

Former Member

if he reckons that the person he is now is the person he's meant to be and you don't like the person he is now, then i'd get out. it doesn't say a lot that he's not willing to accept any help of anyone either.