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Which is worse?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
.... loving someone who is never going to love you and who you're hardly ever going to see after next week
OR
stopping loving someone who's been the focus of your life for the last year or so?
(that sounds a bit dramatic but you know what I mean)
OR
stopping loving someone who's been the focus of your life for the last year or so?
(that sounds a bit dramatic but you know what I mean)
0
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unrequited love is one of the worst feelings possible because all you want is for someone to love you back and see you for who you are. and while that seems so simple, it's the hardest thing in life.
meanwhile, realizing that you don't feel the same about someone who loves you, especially when you've spent a significant amount of time together is also rough cause you feel bad for not feeling the same and you're gonna feel worse when you have to let that person down and can see how hurt they get.
yuck. if you're facing either one or both of these, i sympathize with you.
good luck and i hope it works out.
as regards the 1st choice, i know its a really harsh thing to say, but if you're never goin 2 see the person again, then your feelings will gradually fade over time. soon enough you'll get over it, it'll be a tough time, but then you can move on.
as for the second choice, you can't just 'stop loving' someone at the drop of a hat. give things some time, give them some distance, and take in plenty of distraction <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"> and then (as above) you stop feeling as strongly.
sorry i can't offer anything more +ve, but i can say from experience that perpetuating unrequited love just makes you bitter, and at least by moving on you can have a little more fun along the way <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
sorry wildchild, you have my deepest sympathies. just believe that things will get better, and in the long run they will.
Calvin that's a really astute comment <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> And I'd also like to thank you for always answering my posts promptly because you always give good advice and it makes me feel a lot less stupid for posting.
Unfortunately it seems to take me a very long time..... I still love a guy I've seen maybe three times in the past year (at gigs with his band rather than even to speak to). It sucks, but thanks for the advice anyway <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
...Would get my vote for worst, if you force that 'stopping' on yourself, rather than it happening as a natural process over time.
I've done both, and they're both horrible, I agree. However, trying to force your feelings will either kill you or drive you mad (which, IMHO, is the same thing).
Mac
[This message has been edited by MacKenZie (edited 25-05-2001).]
awwww. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> ur welcome wildchild.
Is the second scenario one where u've *had* to stop loving some1 or u've just stopped loving them cos u feel different about them?
"stopping loving someone who's been the focus of your life for the last year or so?"
Do u mean that U've *had* 2 stop loving this person for some reason or another or u've just stopped loving them cos ur feelings 2wards them hav changed?
but as for the Q, well i cant answer that *waits for wildchild* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
~ the late, great Douglas Adams
It could be either, I was thinking more along the lines of stopping loving them because you feel different, but not like you suddenly dislike them or anything, more like just suddenly realising you don't love them any more.....
Oh what I've just written makes no sense, it wasn't meant to be an intensely personal post, I was just thinking randomly along those lines and wondered what you guys thought about it <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
*decides to leave it open to intepretation*
There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
.... loving someone who is never going to love you and who you're hardly ever going to see after next week coz the other doesn't apply to me!!!
Who's name does God use in vain?
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
~ the late, great Douglas Adams
I know I'm not perfect but I can smile
especially if you cling to hope and refuse to believe that it will never happen. then each day and each encounter with that person is just soooooooo painful <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
and sorry for depressing you kitty. but u know the feeling, so share in the misery. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
If you stop loving someone then it's better to walk away because you'll only hurt that person and that's unfair.
As for not seeing someone again, surely this is the purest love. Nothing can change those feelings, no arguing, no drifting apart just the everlasting affection. The kind you keep for you first true love.
Remember u sayin that to me on one ocassion 6-7months ago. I thought about it and thought and thought and thought. Realised u were right got my head sorted out and did wot i had to do.... then i realised it wasn't unrequented at all. 6 months 1 week later and we've never looked back <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
(Sorry for this little outburst of story/history but i got a bit carried away)
To answer the question they both suck but loving someone who doesn't feel the same is really the worse thing that can happan - in the short term cos there will always be someone who feels the same way bout you...
Hurry up and wait
'Twas Tennyson, and he wrote it in memorial to his best friend - so, yes, he had lost. In Memoriam A.H.H. is one of humanity's better pieces of poetry.
oh dont i know it. but when there clearly is hope there, how can a person give up? okay it will be less painful for them if they can learn to let go.... but what if it turns out not to be unrequited in the future, preferably not too far in the future? say "sorry, i got over you m8" or rediscover the old feelings you tried to bury?
ack. gaaaaaaah. blah blah.
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
~ the late, great Douglas Adams
i agree with that quote, however much it can hurt, it is better to experience love than not at all. its like living your life and it always being grey. it gets boring. if you live mainly in grey, you can have patches of black and white sometimes which can be amazingly good or devastatingly bad. hopefully someone knows what i mean! lol.. and im sober before you suggest otherwise turtle <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
~ the late, great Douglas Adams
At least you have hope - it's when there is no hope and you still can't give up that it's bad, and like Calvin says it's painful to be with the person.... but then again like you said here (in a sober sounding way IMO):
And sometimes it's amazingly rewarding just to be with that person, even without hope (although of course it can be devastatingly bad as well).
i think there both as bad as each other but i hate likeing smeone and they don't like you back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WILDCHILD, listen i've been in BOTH situations. Just a few days ago I found out that the guy i have loved since 7th grade (i am in 10th grade now) is gay. do you understand how much that sux to me? he is so cool in everyway, i knew he was awhile ago but i couldent come to grips with it - but i will still love him no matter what. and as for the first one. this guy kevin, who flirts with me all the time is leaving for this private school. i know he'll forget me as soon as he leaves and frankly i want him so bad. but its only lust not love
so personally i think #2 is worse