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Age laws....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in a nut shell... im 20.. slept with someone who is 15.. she is 16 in august. her rents have found out and gone up the wall (understand it really but it just happened).

now, her dad has pretty much given her 2 choice's... tell my family and get them involved.. obviously thats not gonna go down well.

or get the police involved cause she is a minor.... could anybody tell me how they would react ect?.. she is almost 16, and i have a email from her to someone saying she came here with the intention of sleeping with me. would that make any difference?

sorry, but as you can all see im a getting a little paranoid about the whole situation at the moment and help would really go down a treat with me.

edited to add she is 16 in august
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well if she's fifteen now then you broke the law innit.:rolleyes: :)

    No offence but the father is within his rights to tell the police.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she consented and doesn't want to press charges it is highly unlikely the police will do anything. Especially as she is 15. It is different if the girl is 14 or under.

    Did you know she was underage?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by the sole liber
    Well if she's fifteen now then you broke the law innit.:rolleyes: :)

    No offence but the father is within his rights to tell the police.
    thats half my point.... im well aware of that, im more interested if the police woule be interested in the case or even follow it up due to her age... :rolleyes:
    im not that stupid, i was looking for advice not sarcastic comments. please if your gonna leave a comment like that go elsewhere cause im really not in the frame of mind or ideal situation to be dealing with them right now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by PussyKatty
    If she consented and doesn't want to press charges it is highly unlikely the police will do anything. Especially as she is 15. It is different if the girl is 14 or under.

    Did you know she was underage?
    yeah, she has been a very close friend to me for a bout a year or so now... it just kinda happened... but as i said i do have proof that she came around to my house with intent.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, i think you should pay attention to pussykattys advice, she pretty much said what i was going to say, and its serious comments rather than sarcasm from the dude above, who obviously hasn't taken to note that your a little worried at the moment.

    obviously we don;t know the whole story, but at 15, nearly 16, if shes unlikely to press charges, i dont think there's anything to extremely worry about, but, if i was you, i'd seek some legal advice, just to check exactly where you stand.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's very unlikely the police are going to use up public funds, time and resources because of 2 friends who slept together, one of whom is within months of being 16, who is unlikely to press charges. How would they even be able to prove that you had slept together?

    Just asking, but how did her parents find out?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its not her thats wanting to press charges.. she is happy with the current situation, we are close.. and what happened happened... its her dad thats wanting to press charges... and if im right he can cause she is a minor right?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by PussyKatty
    It's very unlikely the police are going to use up public funds, time and resources because of 2 friends who slept together, one of whom is within months of being 16, who is unlikely to press charges. How would they even be able to prove that you had slept together?

    Just asking, but how did her parents find out?
    i dont really want to go into too much detail on here but they found out via a friend of a friend who posted it on a similar board to this one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    like i said, best advice is legal advice, you can explain the whole situation to them in confidentiality, and find out where you'd stand, and if the father has any rights with her age etc. to be honest, thats your best bet
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm pretty sure that her dad can't press charges on her behalf. There's a clause in the law by which children over 12 can deal with their own legal matters to a certain extent - it's called being Gillick competent I think. So as long as she doesn't want to press charges, you're fine.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by perfect***day
    I'm pretty sure that her dad can't press charges on her behalf. There's a clause in the law by which children over 12 can deal with their own legal matters to a certain extent - it's called being Gillick competent I think. So as long as she doesn't want to press charges, you're fine.
    dont mean to be rude... i know your giving me advice and it means alot to me, but how sure are you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gillick competent usually refers to confidentiality regarding healthcare issues rather than consent to sex.

    What perfect day says doesn't make much sense- so if someone rapes a 12 year old, their parents can't press charges?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Ertrael
    dont mean to be rude... i know your giving me advice and it means alot to me, but how sure are you?
    Pretty sure. I did work experience with a family law chambers pretty recently, and followed quite a bit of their work regarding children/teenagers and their standing in legal matters.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by PussyKatty
    Gillick competent usually refers to confidentiality regarding healthcare issues rather than consent to sex.

    What perfect day says doesn't make much sense- so if someone rapes a 12 year old, their parents can't press charges?
    Unlikely with a 12 year old. I think technically the child/teenager in question has to be examined by a social worker to decide whether or not they're mature enough to speak for themselves in matters like this (ie Gillick competent), and it's unlikely that a 12 year old would be, but an almost 16-yr-old is generally more capable of dealing with their own matters.

    Having said that, I don't know on what authority you're disagreeing with me - it's quite possible that you're studying law or something and have far superior knowledge... if so, feel free to tell me I'm wrong!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being "Gillick competent" is not a specific age, it's usually decided by a doctor/social worker if the young person meets a set of criteria to see that they fully understand information.

    I just don't see what that has to do with this case. Surely the police are not going to prosecute on something like this, which happens up and down the country every minute. Age of consent laws are there to protect young people, this girl clearly does not need protecting and it would be a waste of time prosecuting when the only "proof" is what somebody posted on a message board. It would hardly stand up in court.

    I used to study law. But this knowledge is from personal experience.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Here are the site's article on the age of consent:

    http://www.thesite.org.uk/youthnet/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=130&a=457

    I am not sure if this applys to acts that happened before the beginnin of the month though.

    However I would say that you need to seek legal advice - as I understand it if your charged and found guilty you can be put on the sex offenders register - which is no laughing matter.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Wyetry
    Here are the site's article on the age of consent:

    http://www.thesite.org.uk/youthnet/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=130&a=457

    I am not sure if this applys to acts that happened before the beginnin of the month though.

    However I would say that you need to seek legal advice - as I understand it if your charged and found guilty you can be put on the sex offenders register - which is no laughing matter.
    i realise that hence my being here for advice....
    pussykatty: would it help if the thread on the message board in question was deleted?... cause i can do that...
    DNA tests are surly out of the question due to the time since we slept together...

    whats the difference to us saying we slept together and that we didnt sleep together as surly its only there word against ours?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it likely that you'll sleep together again? That's likely to aggrivate the father in the short term but may make him more understanding in the long term if he doesn't feel you were simply taking advantage of his daughter.

    If not is it likely that she will hold this against you? And thus be more likely to file charges herself out of bitterness?

    You really need to apologise to the girl for the trouble you've caused her and establish her thoughts on the issue. Then you need to talk to the parents and take responsibility for what you've done. I think the father will be quite reasonable about it but if he still feels there need to be repercussions for you then surely it's better you get grief from your parents, who will likely not care that much, than from Her Majesty's men in blue?

    If he suggests to you that it would be better if you and his daughter weren't friends then you're probably best off trying to appease whoever you can.

    You're in the wrong here but it can all be sorted out...

    ...unless she's pregnant.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Sexual Offences Act 2003 does not apply in this case, as it is before enactment.

    Being Gillick competent is with regards to medical consent; however, if a child is Gillick competent she is able to give consent, and therefore there can be no charge of rape.

    It does not impact on this case though. As far as I am aware parents can press charges on behalf of their legal custodees, though i am unsure of this. Having unlawful sexual intercourse with a girl under the age of consent is a strict liablity offence though, as far as I am aware- you have to know she was underage, or be so Cunningham reckless as to her age as to constitute knowledge.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd ignore the legality of it now and sort this out as the adults you're supposed to be by communication and understanding.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ginner
    I'd ignore the legality of it now and sort this out as the adults you're supposed to be by communication and understanding.

    :yes:

    Amen to that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ginner
    Is it likely that you'll sleep together again? That's likely to aggrivate the father in the short term but may make him more understanding in the long term if he doesn't feel you were simply taking advantage of his daughter.

    If not is it likely that she will hold this against you? And thus be more likely to file charges herself out of bitterness?

    You really need to apologise to the girl for the trouble you've caused her and establish her thoughts on the issue. Then you need to talk to the parents and take responsibility for what you've done. I think the father will be quite reasonable about it but if he still feels there need to be repercussions for you then surely it's better you get grief from your parents, who will likely not care that much, than from Her Majesty's men in blue?

    If he suggests to you that it would be better if you and his daughter weren't friends then you're probably best off trying to appease whoever you can.

    You're in the wrong here but it can all be sorted out...

    ...unless she's pregnant.
    she is against the whole thing with her parents being involved etc...
    i very much doubt she would stand up in court and say she did not agree to it, but then im not so sure how much her parents would pressure into saything something like that as they are so controlling.
    for the record i suppose i should say we have slept together 3 times.. im not sure if that makes a difference... but it does show she obviously had intent cause she met up with me again willingly.
    i admit im confident if the police get involved that there will be no charge's brought to me... but its something i just wish we could avoid as a whole for obvious reasons. as for my family... i think my mum knows about it, but i know for a fact my step dad would probably try to kick me out over it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ginner
    I'd ignore the legality of it now and sort this out as the adults you're supposed to be by communication and understanding.
    a agree with that 100% but her dad refuses to speak to me... i have offered to meet him and talk things though so i can understand more of what he wants to gain etc from the situation...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Ertrael
    a agree with that 100% but her dad refuses to speak to me... i have offered to meet him and talk things though so i can understand more of what he wants to gain etc from the situation...

    Unfortunate but not a reason to give up and meet your new cellmate Dave.

    You really need to make clear you didn't intend to take advantage and you don't wish to hurt his daughter in the future.

    Perhaps talk to the mother, women always claim to be more understanding and all the signs suggest it's true.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ginner
    Unfortunate but not a reason to give up and meet your new cellmate Dave.

    You really need to make clear you didn't intend to take advantage and you don't wish to hurt his daughter in the future.

    Perhaps talk to the mother, women always claim to be more understanding and all the signs suggest it's true.
    tryed that too..... for some reason they are both against the idea of me having anything to do with her. i think its an age thing..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Ertrael
    tryed that too..... for some reason they are both against the idea of me having anything to do with her. i think its an age thing..

    I think they're mostly trying to save face now that they feel they've failed to save their daughter from exposure to the evils of the world.

    Something along the lines of "You respect their role as parents and their opinions, can fully understand why they are upset, can only apologise for their distress and will respect their wishes with regards to their daughter, not seeing her in future, if they feel it necessary, despite how you would ideally still value her friendship" etc etc?

    It's thin ice you're walking on but if you say the right things you should get what you want.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I reserve the right to be hypocritical whenever I have my own kids.

    I'd prefer them never to be dating adults as minors but kids learn by their own mistakes and I'd respect them to make their own decisions with a little advice to guide them to an informed viewpoint.

    My kids are so gonna end up hellraisers.

    I'd suggest you don't mention any of this bit to them, they're likely to feel you're questioning their parenting and hate you more for it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ginner
    I reserve the right to be hypocritical whenever I have my own kids.

    I'd prefer them never to be dating adults as minors but kids learn by their own mistakes and I'd respect them to make their own decisions with a little advice to guide them to an informed viewpoint.

    My kids are so gonna end up hellraisers.

    I'd suggest you don't mention any of this bit to them, they're likely to feel you're questioning their parenting and hate you more for it.
    no need to worry about that!
    no offence meant, i may have done something stupid... but im not stupid :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in a similar situation at 15, I had a 19 year old boyfriend and when my mum and step-dad found out I was sleeping with him, they actually went to the police but because I had consented etc. the police said they couldn't do anything about it. I don't know if this helps but just thought I'd share...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Madgal99
    I was in a similar situation at 15, I had a 19 year old boyfriend and when my mum and step-dad found out I was sleeping with him, they actually went to the police but because I had consented etc. the police said they couldn't do anything about it. I don't know if this helps but just thought I'd share...
    thanks... im glad to hear that...
    i just hope it dont get that far!
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