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Never Had A G/f
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey people,
i`m not quite sure where to start really the story will sound a bit of a mess but i feel like tellin my story and gettin some opinions maybe even advice on how i can improve things for myself.
im basically a 20 yr old guy i`ve never had a g/f ( that fact kills me every day )
and through most of my teenage years i chose 2 stay in depression instead of going out livin the best years of my life something i feel quite bitter about now.
Im a friendly easy going guy a bit of a joker i would bend over backwards for any1 even if i secretly knew they might be takin advantage of me. I`ve got such a strange personality for years i`ve lived day to day like 1 day i can be happy and talkative then the next sad and reclusive but most of the time i`ve stayed at home and kept away from the world it was just easier that way.
Through most of my teenage years i had no friends at all just people i hung round with at school.
But things changed for me since i was 19 i discovered drugs E and Speed and Coke. I made a few friends and the drugs changed me mentally and the way i was feelin in every way imaginable. I now go clubbin more often but i cant go in2 social situtations unless im drugged up. It just seems everywhere i go people r starin at me and im always wonderin what they r thinkin i just cant seem 2 cope with it.
I have been through times with drugs where the comedowns have nearly thrown me over the edge at 1 point i was takin 10 - 20 Es a week and doing a couple of grams of Base Amphetamine a day but now i`ve cut down cos i felt i was just destroyin myself 2 that extent.
i know a lot of people will say stop doing the drugs but i wont cos im not hooked they are just used as a confidence boost. i know im a bit of a sad charecter and i let myself down big style but if u was in this head of mine with this amount of self hate u would do the same. I wake up everyday and dont know where to turn my life seems so empty sad as it soundz i feel like drugz have given me back my lost years cos i have had loadz of fun times on them.
Some days i cant bare 2 look at myself in the mirror I hate my body it almost disgusts me cos im so thin i got such puny arms and legs. im only bout 9 and a half stone. i look like im wastein away i sometimes wonder why i dont just die sometimes i`ve done so many drugs in 1 nite my body feels like it will give out but it just dont happen.
i know i sound like im attention seekin but im givin u a insight in2 how i think & feel. i know its sad 2 come on the internet and let the world see ur problems but it looks like theres a good community on this site so i thought i`d just put a post and see if any1 has felt similer as me or understandz how i feel.
bottom line is the 1 thing i want is a g/f some1 2 share my life with i try 2 go out and meet her but nothing never comes 2 anything. I want to be with some1 where when im with her i can talk 2 her about anything, hug her, kiss her, show her a good time and when were apart text eachother, phone her buy her things 2 show i care just some1 2 fill the gap in my heart
How can i sort myself out 2 find the gal of my dreams?
i`m not quite sure where to start really the story will sound a bit of a mess but i feel like tellin my story and gettin some opinions maybe even advice on how i can improve things for myself.
im basically a 20 yr old guy i`ve never had a g/f ( that fact kills me every day )
and through most of my teenage years i chose 2 stay in depression instead of going out livin the best years of my life something i feel quite bitter about now.
Im a friendly easy going guy a bit of a joker i would bend over backwards for any1 even if i secretly knew they might be takin advantage of me. I`ve got such a strange personality for years i`ve lived day to day like 1 day i can be happy and talkative then the next sad and reclusive but most of the time i`ve stayed at home and kept away from the world it was just easier that way.
Through most of my teenage years i had no friends at all just people i hung round with at school.
But things changed for me since i was 19 i discovered drugs E and Speed and Coke. I made a few friends and the drugs changed me mentally and the way i was feelin in every way imaginable. I now go clubbin more often but i cant go in2 social situtations unless im drugged up. It just seems everywhere i go people r starin at me and im always wonderin what they r thinkin i just cant seem 2 cope with it.
I have been through times with drugs where the comedowns have nearly thrown me over the edge at 1 point i was takin 10 - 20 Es a week and doing a couple of grams of Base Amphetamine a day but now i`ve cut down cos i felt i was just destroyin myself 2 that extent.
i know a lot of people will say stop doing the drugs but i wont cos im not hooked they are just used as a confidence boost. i know im a bit of a sad charecter and i let myself down big style but if u was in this head of mine with this amount of self hate u would do the same. I wake up everyday and dont know where to turn my life seems so empty sad as it soundz i feel like drugz have given me back my lost years cos i have had loadz of fun times on them.
Some days i cant bare 2 look at myself in the mirror I hate my body it almost disgusts me cos im so thin i got such puny arms and legs. im only bout 9 and a half stone. i look like im wastein away i sometimes wonder why i dont just die sometimes i`ve done so many drugs in 1 nite my body feels like it will give out but it just dont happen.
i know i sound like im attention seekin but im givin u a insight in2 how i think & feel. i know its sad 2 come on the internet and let the world see ur problems but it looks like theres a good community on this site so i thought i`d just put a post and see if any1 has felt similer as me or understandz how i feel.
bottom line is the 1 thing i want is a g/f some1 2 share my life with i try 2 go out and meet her but nothing never comes 2 anything. I want to be with some1 where when im with her i can talk 2 her about anything, hug her, kiss her, show her a good time and when were apart text eachother, phone her buy her things 2 show i care just some1 2 fill the gap in my heart
How can i sort myself out 2 find the gal of my dreams?
0
Comments
Stop taking the drugs, take some time for yourself and sort your life out.
If you dont like being thin then do something about it.
If you wanna get a decent girlfriend then you have to drop the drugs for now. Sort yourself out, get your confidence fixed so you can get girls without drugs....then once youve got a girlfriend or are able to get one, you can go back to taking drugs if you want.
I suggest the first thing you do is go and see your doctor. He/she may suggest counselling or anti-depressants. Don't be afraid to do this as the doctor will understand and don't be afraid of any suggestions he makes. I, myself, have suffered many years of depression and know how debilitating an illness this can be and it certainly seems that that is what you are going through. My brother has also been going through this for a couple of years and anti-depressants have worked wonders for him. I had to try a few different ones before I found the right ones for me, so if you do decide to give them a try be prepared for the possibility that the first ones you try don't work for you or aren't the correct dosage.
If you have some or all of the following symptoms you really should consult your doctor. I don’t think you are attention seeking, I think you are ill and need some help. Depression is a common illness and nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about and the doctor will have seen plenty of people like you and will try to do everything they can to help you.
Feeling of emptiness, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, panic attacks.
A marked decrease in interest in usual activities, often withdrawal from activities
Difficulty getting to sleep and/or early awakening
Changes in eating habits
Fatigue and loss of energy
Irritability
Problems with concentration, decision-making and memory
Substance or alcohol abuse
Thoughts about suicide
You seem like a decent bloke, friendly, caring and funny. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Maybe a good way to do this would be to venture into online friendships. This very site is a good starting point. Many of the people here will have been through some of the same anxieties as you and will understand where you are coming from. Most of the sensible people here wont care what you look like and will only be too willing to make you feel welcome. We all started as newbies and it takes a little time settling in but if you are sensible and follow some of the unwritten rules about the place you will soon feel like one of the family.
As time goes on and while you are building some self-esteem, maybe you can think about doing something to make you feel better outside. If your body is getting you down, try the gym. Weight training is brilliant for building those muscles up, have a look in the sport and fitness forum and look through some of the threads. There are quite a few sports enthusiasts in there who will gladly give you some tips on what you can do.
Once you have built some self-esteem then maybe you will find it easier making friends offline. It has certainly been an immense amount of help to me.
There is also plenty of good advice to be found in the info part of TheSite, so have a good look around there, you should be able to find something to help you.
All the best. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
[ 25-05-2002: Message edited by: smoif ]
You sound really nice, just take care and read what smoif and balddog said. And stick around here! <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
I agree!
<IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
xxx
I read your post with sympathy until I hit the 'then I turned to drugs' section.
Oh woe is me. The drugs madeyou take them did they?
Sorry, no sympathy. I'm not surprised you can't get a girlfriend if your a drugged up fool. Get some help. I know it isn't easy to stop taking drugs, but you could if you really wanted to. Go to your GP and tell him/her you want to stop. They should help you, if not, find another GP.
Start taking control of your own life and ond't let drugs overpower you. I am sure that once you're clean and healthy, your winning charm and personality and ability to bend over backwards for anyone will help in your quest to find a girlfriend.
The only girls you're likely to get now are drug addicts and that is just going to bring you down even more.
Oh, and don't be ashamed you haven't had a girlfriend. A friend of mine is 24 and he has never had a girlfriend, despite being really charming and good looking. There's hope yet, good luck.
Yes it pisses me off coz i want 1 really badly!
Thing is im not ugly (infact ive bin told on a number of occasions that im good looking)
Im a nice caring funny person. I dont have a problem with talking to people and even 1 of my best and closet friends is female.
Its just i cant seem to find a girl who i like. All the women round here seem to have boyfriends and the ones that dont i just not attracted to. And all the new women i meet have fuckin boyfriends to!!
Its fuckin frustrating but i know 1 day i meet sum1, i just hope i dont have to wait long!
Your message struck a chord with me. I might be barking up the wrong tree but I get the impression that you think if you had a girlfriend then your life would be complete and all your problems would be over. I used to think that but its not the case.
I've never done drugs and in my experience a lot of people take drugs to try and block out pain in their lives, Do you have a lot of things in your life you aren't happy with.
I know what you mean when you say you hate your body, I hate mine too. I used to do self harm a lot and have scars from that. I used to look at my body and hate what I saw and what I'd done to it. I started getting counselling and slowly I began to see the scars as part of me in the same way that my mums stretch marks are part of her!. What I'm trying to say is in the end you will be able to accept your body.
Try to see your GP, talk to them, I know theres a lot of people think if you see your GP you are sad and can't cope but everyone needs a little help to get by sometimes. It took a lot of guts for me to see my GP but I'm glad a did, I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't but the path wasn't easy.
As for getting a girl it sounds to me like you have a lot of love to give, once you begin to recover and let your fun-loving friendly side out and enjoy life for what it is I garuntee someone will come along when you least expect it.
Keep posting, we are a good bunch on here and when I recently went through a bad time (Splitting with my girlfriend) I posted on here. The pain hasn't just gone over night and nor will yours but its true what they say that a problem shared is a problem halved.
Sory if it seems like a lecture
Ann Marie
Thanx for all the replies i really appreciate it i will answer everybodys posts cos every1 has been so helpful.
ok Bald dog i agree with u on the drugs thing i know im gonna sound like im just sayin this but my drug intake has cut down in fact its been dead on 7 days since i last done anything so maybe when i stated i need drugs 2 run my life i exageratted the facts. I guess what i really meant was i do the drugs 2 keep my head in order better and it does push the pain and problems away thats why i dont feel i can give them up completely cos for the last 7 months they have played a big part in my life. Drugs dont make people feel bad ( apart from the comedown but as they say what goes up must come down ) it all comes down to the state of the users mind anyway.
In my case a expert would say dont do them because of my depression and stuff but i choose 2 do them anyway. 1 good piece of information u said was take time out 2 think things through i`ve only just realised i dont do that so from now on i should think more and maybe if things are straighter in my head i wont flip out as much.
As far as the drugs are concerned i think i will only use them a couple of times a month but only in moderation that would be better for my head, my wallet, + i`d look just a bit better instead of walkin round with the space cadet look lol oh yeh i`ve given up E for a bit i think i`ve come 2 the end of the road 4 now as far as they r concerned i havent done any like i said for 7 days so its all good.
ok smoif i totally agree with u depression is possibly 1 of the worst illnesses u can get it does fuck u up! as for all the symptons u said well i score 9/9 apart from the fact i`ve only seriously considered suicide a couple of times but i never tried it even tho i have been at my lowest point i thought about what it might be like next week and decided 2 choose life and live on.
I do know a few people online but they barely know anything about me neither do i about them so i never feel i make a connection with them but things r different on here!
I think b4 i even had the guts 2 go in a gym i`d have to be able 2 say 2 myself hey my body is bad yeh i need 2 do some work on it but that means i gotta accept it but i cant. its just my arms and legs that get me down really + the fact i need 2 put on a extra stone but on the other hand with my face im happy with it.
ok pussycatty im unemployed have been for some time i would like 2 get a job but not only r the jobs so crappy down here i got no drive 2 go out and get 1 2 my parents delight lol
Pubs are ok but i prefer clubs for the music and atmosphere in pubs i find u just tend 2 get a drink find a seat then have every1 starin at ya while in a club u can walk around or go on the dancefloor if u want 2.
I have spoken 2 some girls in clubs but my problem is i cant keep the conversation going im ok for the 1st 5 - 10 mins i offer 2 buy her a drink and that but after a while my mind just freezes up and i dont know what 2 say so obviously in the end the gal just pisses off and i feel like a twat for the rest of the nite.
Also another thing i need 2 stop doing is drinkin and doing drugz 2gether because it just seems 2 shut my body down i end up losin my mates and i end up either lyin on a chair not able 2 move or watchin the dancefloor trippin out starin at the strobe lights or watchin people dance in slow motion its funny but i`ve had some strange looks off people believe me lol
yeh i probably do have a slight psychological addiction 2 drugs but i can say im slightly addicted to coffee and tea im not playin it down just tryin 2 say if i can do something that helps me 2 tick over better whats wrong with it unless im badly over doin it or puttin my life at risk but like i said im cuttin down!
ok lacy cheerz 4 ur private message i`ll send 1 back when i get a chance
ok Bumblebee i dont think what u said was being a heartless bitch i`d say ur probably usin the harder way 2 knock sense in2 me which hasnt worked and probably never will.
u said ohhhh the drugs made u take them do they? then goes on 2 say i know it isn`t easy to stop takin drugs. like i stated im not a drug addict i dont even have a drug problem i just use partly for fun and 2 keep my head straight but that dont mean i cane them 7 days a week i admit at 1 point i was on them bout 7 days a week but now thats dropped to 1 day a week. why should i go 2 a doctor and tell them im hooked on E when i only do it 1 day a week? as far as E is concerned like i said i given it up cos my head needs a rest from the mind alterin shit so the drug of choice for me 4 now is base but like i said once a week. If i did meet a really nice girl who happend 2 be a hopeless drug addict and she took me 4 me i would stand by her and help her because u cant give up on people. If every1 in the world found out no1 really cared 4 em half the earths population would die. every1 wants and needs 2 be loved.
I sound like i dont like what u said but i value every1s advice and opinions!
Mattbomb i feel ur pain mate lol
ok now on2 AnnMarie i guess i do have a lot of things im unhappy with in my life but i guess its more the fact i got no1 2 talk about it with is what makes things so much harder 4 me. I dont feel close enough 2 my family 2 talk 2 them. they have lived 2 sheltered lifes and 2 old and ignorant 2 understand what i would have 2 say. My dadz a ex cop and basically knows i dabble in drugs but chooses 2 just ignore me and say nothing which suits me down 2 the ground
ok i spent a hour doin typin this :eek: if theres any1 else above me when i next get time i`ll answer ur posts 2
thanks every1
Please try not to despair mate, I'm 35 and haven't had a g/f yet. Believe me there is a lot more to life although I'm sure that having a girlfriend and a romantic relationship can bring lots of hapiness. Please please try not to take any more drugs because it may make you feel better in the short term but could surely do long term damage and cause all sorts of problems for you later.
Well, I'll let you all into a secret now, I'm just over 5' 11", 9 and a half stone and as skinny as a rake. A year or two back I was chatting quite a while to a 19 y.o. and 21 y.o. girl in an internet forum and the subject of sex and virginity came up. These girls were sexually experienced and I asked them what they'd think of dating a virgin guy who's really skinny like me. Well after an exchange of emails they asked if they could see a photo of me and it could be a nude photo of me if I wanted. So I thought, why not and I emailed a full frontal nude photo of myself to them which I did. I guess I just wanted the girls to see me exactly how I was. In the email with my photo attached I said that I hoped they didn't find me too skinny.
Well, guess what, I had emails back where both girls thought what a great photo and although they thought I was maybe a little on the skinny side, they still reckoned that I was 'dateable.' The only other comments they made was about my penis - The 19 y.o. thought I had a 'really fine cute dick' and the 21 y.o. thought I had a 'nice clean looking cock'.
Basically, just enjoy life to the full as much as possible and don't worry about body image or lack of girlfriend. I'm still waiting for Mrs Right, too. Many girls, I'm sure will like you as a person and not just your body type.
Good luck and take care,
David
Drugs will lead you to two places, either in prison or dead. Nothing good comes from using drugs except self-destruction. Your confidence booster should come from wanting a girlfriend and making a change in yourself to achieve your dream.
Stay active, take up hobbies, get a membership to a gym and work on improving yourself and before you know it, you will start to have self-confidence. Let your inspiration of wanting a girlfriend be what turns your life around.
Best of luck!:thumb:
Man you must be a bored fucker lol
No little playmates to come over and play building blocks with you?
Nah unfortunately not mate, so instead I have to sit here and laugh at your rather narrow minded views.
Fucking prick...
Oh no, I wonder which one I'll end up as
I've been both. Obviously.
:rolleyes:
From prison, or beyond the grave?
We've all been there pal chin up!
Your time will come. If your out clubbing, its bound to happen some time. Keep at it!