Trust?????

Former Member

Hiya <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;
Right ive got this problem with by boyfriend can you help me out!
Right, as you know its a long-distance relationship, so it aint easy and when i cheated on my boyfriend that one night....months ago, i know he doesnt trust me! He says he does but its hard! Which i understand but this was over...what 7months ago! When we got back together again, he promised he'd trust me forget about the past what i had done! BUT heres the problem....i went out with my friend and her boyfriend, and his pals, i told my boyfriend and yeah of course he got all paranoied, called me up, started asking if i still loved him got really worked up about this, then i went shopping a few hours ago with my mum, i had 0p in my phone to text him and tell him, and he got really nipy over reacting! I know it will be hard for him to trust me, but i want a life, i dont want to have to stay in just cause he's worried ill hurt him again, i know i made a BIG mistake last time, and theres no way id ever do that again! Its trying to get him to relax and stop freaking out! Ive tried talking to him, but it aint that good over the phone, im seeing him next week anyway! What do you think i should do?? Thanks
Love Miss_Kxxxx

Former Member

Not nice, but I think you should let the relationship go. If he cant trust you then he wont be happy, and you'll feel forced that you have to prove yourself all the time, so you wont be happy.

If you were up front and honest about it, and you regret it, then he is being a touch unreasonable, and will probably be unforgiving of other mistakes.

If you don't regret it, then he wants something out of the relationship that you don't want to give. You'll have to work out a compromise that you are both happy with (which is unlikely) or you'll have to find partners that you are more compatible with.

If you were evasive and discovered then you'll have a very hard time regaining the trust he gave you - you've made an effort and he still seems to be holding it against you, you will have to decide wether he is likely to forgive, and wether further investment is justified. Personally, after 7 months I'd say it wasn't.

I'd let him know that he has to accept you for what you are and can be, and if he can't get over what has been done then he'll have to get over you.

Of course leaving is always easier to say than do.

Former Member

sorry but i totally dont agree, she cant just finish her bf cos f 1 mistake.

i know u need trust but i think that in every relationship there is an element of paranoia,

i cheated on my bloke and we r still 2 geva 15months later, i think u will have 2 really talk things out wiv ur bf and tell him that it was an awful mistake and he needs 2 learn 2 trust u and that u wouldnt risk doing it again blah blah.

good luck! luv jl

Former Member

i'm sure he'll stop eventually for fear of losing you. women can get away with cheating.

Former Member

Originally posted by luv-snail:
i'm sure he'll stop eventually for fear of losing you. women can get away with cheating.

Men certainly do.

Former Member

Originally posted by jolizzie11:
sorry but i totally dont agree, she cant just finish her bf cos f 1 mistake.
[...]
i cheated on my bloke and we r still 2 geva 15months later

I agree its a poor reason to end up breaking up, but if after 7 months there is still no trust then it looks like there isn't going to be.

How many of the 15 months involved a lack of trust?