If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
in love with best friend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have quite a serious problem, regarding my best friend, natasha. a few years ago i had a huge crush on her, and after many months of deliberation, asked her out. she turned me down and instead went out with my best friend at the time, matt. not good. i ended up falling out with matt, but for other reasons. after that, i actually got over natasha, and became a really close friend of hers. unfortunately, now i think that i might be falling in love with her all over again. i honestly dont know if she likes me enough to go out with me, and i'm not sure our friendship would survive a revelation like that if i'm wrong. the problem is, we only have about 15 months until we go our separate ways to university, and im currently (long term) single. i'm partly dismayed at the thought of losing her, and partly wondering whether, after all these years, there could be something deeper in our friendship. what, oh what, should i do!?
0
Comments
god.. its so difficult when friendships might turn into something else.. i know how you feel. if your friendship is so strong and you talk to her about how you feel, then it will only suffer a small dent if you're wrong about her feeling the same. believe me, ive been there.
i think you should tlak to her, and ask her if theres any way she might feel the same about you... dont say you're in love with her, that might freak her out a little.
you can always keep in touch after university. long distance relationships arent always that much fun, but, they can work <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
good luck and welcome to thesite <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Go for it. Gently. You might want to test the water a bit first though, perhaps drop in a 'can girls and guys ever be just friends?' topic into conversation <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
It's better that you tell, otherwise you'll just kick yourself for ages after, regretting it.
Say that your friendship with her is more important than your 'other' feelings, otherwise there's a chance of that 'all or nothing' ultimatum in her head.
Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
*|* Chica *|*
And i got an e-mail from one of my friends yesterday which might help you:
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had? I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own....when you least suspect
it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever met someone who is exactly like you and you want a chance to be with that person because they make you truly happy, but there are obstacles in the way? In life there are things that everyone must go through and questions that cannot be answered unless you take that chance. The only way to know who you are truly meant to be with, is to take those chances and whatever happens, happens.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all. Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had.............
NO ONE WAITS FOREVER
Welcome you to The Site and good luck, keep us posted on how it goes <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I fancied a mate at school, but never asked her out- too scared of losing her as a mate. But then we fell out anyway <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> Regret aint a nice feeling- go for it!
basically what everyone else said u have to tell her or it will make u crazy but be subtle about it if she doesn't feel the same way well then at least u know and can move on (instead of being left in mid air wondering what the hell he wants) ok that last part nothing to do with u because if she does feel the same way then there is nothing better then haveing a relationship with someone who already knows u so well <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> good luck dazed_dan
I know I'm not perfect but I can smile
Woah this is so cool Wildchild! Thanks for posting it...it really makes sense to a kinda situation I'm in at the moment...ta <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
ive talked about it at lenght to a lot of people lol and im not gonna talk bout it on here for various reasons. but that is a really good email thingy.
Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
first time i was in almost exactly your position. my best guy friend and i at high school became extremely close during the last year. i decided about a quarter of the way through the year that i was totally in love with him and we were destined to be together. i agonised for months over whether i should discuss my feelings with him and whatever. we finally both sort of came together at the same time - when school finished. that was all good, we were together 3 months then realised our friendship was better than a physical relationship and went back to being friends. i don't regret that though, waiting until school finished, b/c getting together during the year and then realising everything we realised would have stuffed up lots of things and been difficult to deal with in the context of having to go to school everyday and having everyone know, you know what schools are like...
second time (a few months ago) a good guy friend of mine told me he was like in love with me and it totally floored me b/c i had not at all seen it coming. the bad thing was it made us impossible to be friends anymore - with the strength of his feelings he couldn't just go on being friends and i didn't feel the same way at all that he did. believe me, in that situation, the person who is loved feels way worse b/c they know they're going to hurt the other person and they know they're going to lose what was a great friendship too.
so my advice, thing long and hard. read the signals then approach with caution. if she's telling you she's interested in some other guy or if she's seeing someone else, don't even think about it. nine times out of ten that is a recipe for disaster. the other one time you gallantly step up, declare your love, and she gasps and tells you she feels exactly the same way but had thought you weren't interested. but if previously she has known that you have been interested in her be very careful. make sure she isn't and doesn't take advantage of you and your feelings for her. don't close yourself off to the possibility of other girls too, if you're not with her, cast your eye around, you might like something/someone else you see!
good luck!