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How Uni life is not going well(long)...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just feel the need to let of some steam, anonymously tell some other people just how screwed up my life is getting. Im a single 19 yr old bloke, still a virgin and i'm getting really depressed and lonely. I'm very quite quiet and shy, I'm an only child and I got bullied fairly badly at school untill my sixth form years, I've never really had any girls as friends before, only kissed for the first time a year ago and never really had a proper relationship. I'm a "Nice" bloke but i'm inexperienced and inocent. I havnt been content with my life in a long time, but I distracted myself with other things and kind of told myself things were going to get better when I went Uni. Things havnt. I'm hardly gorgeous, but im not unatractive and i've been told that if I were more confident and less shy then I could pull, but I'm unconfident and shy mainly *because* I havnt pulled, its a viscous cicle that i'm desperate to break out of. I missed out on much of the fun stuff in the early weeks of uni due to trying to get on with my fairly reclusive flatmates, ive recently given up on them and started going out trying to make other friends but its difficult people have already formed their own social circles and stuff, already planned who their moving with next year, ect. The only relationship I have got into while i've been at uni with a girl someone a few years older than me and for a while (scant few days) I was trully happy, she said she wanted to be just friends while we got to know each other better (I think it was due to inexperience and over-eagerness on my part), which I was fine with except one night we were together at a social gathering at a pub and Id been feeling a bit lonely and wanted to talk to her because she could always cheer me up, but she was busy with her some of her friends and I ended getting very drunk and very obviously and embarasingly moping around her, freaking her out, embarasing myself infront of people there and getting Really depresed the next day. Since then I've tried to contact her to apolagise and "sort things out" but only ended up making things worse. Its really bad because I'm still in love with her, and shes a really great person, and I feel really guilty because she was going through a hard time when I met her anyway. If I didnt care so much about her, it wouldnt be a problem but the fact that I do care, and that it's my fault we're not speaking is basically slaughtering any self-confidence I had left.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey dude, life really isnt that bad surely.

    right ur at uni - which one? Uni opened my eyes to the big world when i arrived last year and it did my self esteem a hell of a lot of good. But it does take effort, a lot of effort. geting to know people from scratch is difficult but everyone is in the same boat and even now there will be plenty of people round uni like u that arestill not happy with their friends.What course are u doing? have u not got any friends on ur course that u can go out with etc? alternatively hav u considered joining a sports team or social group in uni? i found this was a really good way of making friends and gives u some really cool people to go out with (usually)
    women thing? mate dont worry about this too much.If she is really ur friend then she'll surely forgive u for being a bit drunk once. just try to make things up to her as best u can. Remember though no matter how hard u try if she doesnt want a relationship with u then nothing u can do will change her mind. Maybe its time to use her as a good friend but look elsewhere?

    good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't worry too much about embarassing yourself/her when you were drunk. I'm at Uni too (second year now) and there are so many people that do stupid things, make declarations of love etc. Last year, there was this one guy, he got really drunk at least once every week and would always tell this girl how much he loved her - even though she had a boyfriend, and even when her boyfriend came to stay. And hey, now they're still friends.

    If you didn't do things out of the ordinary she'd think you were boring.

    Besides I'm sure that there are more fish in the sea (not that I've found many of them yet!). I keep thinking, if you don't ask, you don't get, and thus I can't really complain if I don't get. It's the asking bit that is hard - I'm just hoping that once you've done it a few times it will get easier!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think Uni has done exactly the opposite to me. Before I went I was lively and outgoing (ish). However I went to uni in my hometown, and I have missed out on so much stuff it is depressing. My gf is having a brilliant time but I'm still stuck here. I've made a few good friends, but most of them are from near here or living in flats, and not in the halls as the people in halls have all made their own little circles that are impossible to get it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have a similar problem. im first year, and not particularly outgoing. im not really that shy, its just that i dont really like going out on the piss to clubs, so that kinda excludes about 90% of the uni as potential friends. one of my housemates does the same course as me, and we kinda got on, so i didnt really bother making any other friends. now, for reasons we wont go into, she has turned really bitchy and all my nicely laid housing plans for next year have gone down the pan. some dickhead has started a massive snowball rolling here, meaning that every first year is running around like a headless chicken thinking 'shit, shit, where am i gonna live next year' even though we have months and months to worry about that. well, we did, untill all the houses started going, and i dont have anyone to live with. im the only person i know who isnt set up with other ppl for next year <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; i did meet some ppl on the net b4 i came here, and im desperatley starting 2 call in those contacts now, and make some friends, but the chances are slim of us hitting it off i think. the one saving grace is that my uni has far far more hall places than it needs for all its first years - we have space for about 1.75 years worth of students. ie the first year, and three quaters of another year. therefore, i shall probably be able to get into hall for my second and third years, and im picking up the forms on monday, but its not really the ideal situation. im kinda hoping that ill meet some ppl, who will also have nobody 2 live with, and by the time we get close enough friends to live together, they'll still be houses left. but the best houses have already gone . . . . . . <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; what do u ppl think i should do?

    Because I want more stars.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To all having problems;
    I hope you visit this thread again and get to read all the helpful advice posted, I think it's a positive sign that you can talk about your problems and share them with others. Although I hate to resort to them I think there's an element of truth in cliche's.
    A problem shared is a problem halved and nothing matters half as much as you think it does. I hope that doesn't sound too cold or impersonal as the problems you are experiencing are of great importance to you and having a complete stranger, or for that matter a close friend or relatve tell you otherwise is of scant use or consolation!
    From my own experience I can say that looking back on similar experiences I also worried about almost identical problems but looking back I was perceiving problems for myself, which didn't actually matter that much, if at all.
    As for your relationship problems I'd suggest you apply a principle which I read in The Guardian a couple of weeks ago.
    I've just tried to find it but can't - will have to paraphrase.
    The basic premise was that when you watch films what you are actually seeing is a series of 24 frames (i.e. still photo's) speeded up to make 1 second of film - the moving image. Your eye/brain deceives you into believing that you are watching a moving image. Film directors decide what, who, how, when, where and why thy want in their films and direct the course of events. Although more articulately expressed, the gist of this advice was that you are the film director of your own life. You decide what you want in your film, where it's to be set what you are going to become etc. Go and make your own film - make the things happen. This metaphor really appealed to me and I hope it is helpful to you.
    bambino.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi im really sorry to hear you are having such a hard time at uni. the woman thing dont worry about it too much if something is going to happen it will happen. Theres nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age im 20 and still a virgin and i never had my first kiss until i waas 19 theres no rush even though their is alot of pressure from others eg friends, to lose your virginity as soon as possible, i think you should wait until you meet someone you feel comfortable with.
    if the girl you had an argument is a real friend she will forgive you in due time trust me alot of people do alot of stupid things after consuming too much alcohol. wat uni are you at? a good way of making new friends is maybe joining some socities of what your interests are. i know it cant be easy being quiet and shy but if you make an effort i sure you will make some friends. i really hope things work out for u.
    xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    easy_listening u sound like a real cool guy y dont u try to go out with someppl on ur course, apologise to the girl and leave her alone 4 a bit and then start bein m8s with her again.

    im going 2 uni next yr, and im really scared that i wont make any friends becuase i am really shy and i dont knw how to talk to people <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/flowerface.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Easy Listening and Pink 1,
    I'm in the same situation. I'm a 20 year old virgin. I have had very little luck with women, but frankly I haven't been trying to pull, I've just been waiting for Miss Right to come along.
    This year I have joined a bunch of student societies, so I might find a girl with the same likes as me.
    In the meantime, its nice to know I'm not the only man in the world with no girlfreind.

    If at first you don't succeed, hit it with a bigger hammer.
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