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Right.... what to do when I get back?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
OK I've probably spoken about her before on here, as this has been going on since October last year I think, but now I really do need to sort something out. She's a very good friend of mine, and her group of friends is probably my closest group of friends at uni. I met her in the first week, though only really started having feelings for her after just over a month, and I still haven't really got anywhere with it, despite my best efforts 
Thing is, everytime I do say something to her she isn't very enthusiastic, then as I accept that we don't have a chance 'in that way', she starts getting closer again, then my feelings get refired, and its just a viscious circle... most guys on here probalby know the feeling! Thing is, I just don't know what to do - we're pretty close now, and I don't want to lose this at all - apparoaching the subject a third time might be one too far, after not causing much bother the first two times (in fact it seemed soon after we were closer). But after spending Easter with a lot of time on my own to reflect, I miss her like hell and it really hurts again. Just wondering if its worth broaching it again at some point with her when I get back to uni next week?
Here are some examples of conflicting evidence for my chances... I'm so confused!
POSITIVES
- Everytime we're out and she gets drunk, she's always all over me and has said on many occasions that she love's me, but then again when sober is not like that at all. But most say that people's real feelings come out when they're drunk - I dunno.
- She wrote on my birthday card last month "Happy birthday! Love you loads, Love (her name), xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx you're the best thing that ever happened"
- Her body language is quite positive when she's around me - I know some people don't believe in this stuff, but she's always playing with her hair and fidgeting when we're talking during the day.
- Her best friend has told me that we'd be quite good together (but that's her opinion i think), and when I met her sister she said that she was always talking about me.
but...
NEGATIVES
- I asked her out to a big function I was going to back in Feb (£56 it was going to cost me!!! though she didn't know that) but she declined, although she was going to a concert that night as well.
- I told her (albeit accidentally) I did have big feelings for her at the end of Feb, though didn't anymore as I accepted I didn't have a chance... though thinking I'd really buggered everything up, we seemed to get closer after that (she had a tough time soon after and was talking to me a lot about it, so I suppose that's a positive).
- At the end of last term she buggered off a week early to Malaysia without even telling me or saying goodbye! I eventually found out from her friend why she wasn't around, though she did apparently send me a postcard (haven't got it yet).
- When we were out once in Feb I was dancing with her, after she'd been behaving rather flirtatiously with me all night, and I asked her if I could kiss her, and her reply was "No... you're our friend". That's probably the one big stumbling block of all, that incident.
As you can see it does confuse me a lot... It would screw me up if i pushed my luck too far and wrecked what we have, but at the same time I'm getting screwed up anyway through thinking about her all the time. any opinions here?
GRRRRAAAAAAGH!!! :crazyeyes
Thing is, everytime I do say something to her she isn't very enthusiastic, then as I accept that we don't have a chance 'in that way', she starts getting closer again, then my feelings get refired, and its just a viscious circle... most guys on here probalby know the feeling! Thing is, I just don't know what to do - we're pretty close now, and I don't want to lose this at all - apparoaching the subject a third time might be one too far, after not causing much bother the first two times (in fact it seemed soon after we were closer). But after spending Easter with a lot of time on my own to reflect, I miss her like hell and it really hurts again. Just wondering if its worth broaching it again at some point with her when I get back to uni next week?Here are some examples of conflicting evidence for my chances... I'm so confused!
POSITIVES
- Everytime we're out and she gets drunk, she's always all over me and has said on many occasions that she love's me, but then again when sober is not like that at all. But most say that people's real feelings come out when they're drunk - I dunno.
- She wrote on my birthday card last month "Happy birthday! Love you loads, Love (her name), xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx you're the best thing that ever happened"
- Her body language is quite positive when she's around me - I know some people don't believe in this stuff, but she's always playing with her hair and fidgeting when we're talking during the day.
- Her best friend has told me that we'd be quite good together (but that's her opinion i think), and when I met her sister she said that she was always talking about me.
but...
NEGATIVES
- I asked her out to a big function I was going to back in Feb (£56 it was going to cost me!!! though she didn't know that) but she declined, although she was going to a concert that night as well.
- I told her (albeit accidentally) I did have big feelings for her at the end of Feb, though didn't anymore as I accepted I didn't have a chance... though thinking I'd really buggered everything up, we seemed to get closer after that (she had a tough time soon after and was talking to me a lot about it, so I suppose that's a positive).
- At the end of last term she buggered off a week early to Malaysia without even telling me or saying goodbye! I eventually found out from her friend why she wasn't around, though she did apparently send me a postcard (haven't got it yet).
- When we were out once in Feb I was dancing with her, after she'd been behaving rather flirtatiously with me all night, and I asked her if I could kiss her, and her reply was "No... you're our friend". That's probably the one big stumbling block of all, that incident.
As you can see it does confuse me a lot... It would screw me up if i pushed my luck too far and wrecked what we have, but at the same time I'm getting screwed up anyway through thinking about her all the time. any opinions here?
GRRRRAAAAAAGH!!! :crazyeyes
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Comments
Bopz
basically this guy has liked me for a while now, couple of years at least. i had my suspicions and then on a few occasions he told me. the thing is, i really like him and he's such a good friend that i'd tell him anything. when i got drunk last week i wanted to kiss him, but if i had i would have so regretted it.
perhaps i just like the attention from him and all the compliments but i get that from other boys anyway. theres something holding me back and if i'm honest i think its superficial reasons. i've had this with other boys before and i'd only want to pull them when drunk and nothing more.
it's hard to explain it but i think this is how she feels. sometimes you can be really close to someone and love them but not want to do anything sexual with them. perhaps because you're scared of something..
That sounds very much like it could be it you know... but what could she be scared off in a relationship with someone she knows and trusts? I know I'm probably missing something really obvious there (being male
The only thing that does worry me is that if we did get together, then we decided after a while it wasn't working and we broke up, we wouldn't be able to return to what we have now... but that does little to temper the flames that have been burning in me for the last five months!