Fancy/Crush - What do I do?

Former Member

Hey,

I know i'm new but i'd thought I'd ask for advice seeing as you seem to be a helpful bunch

I've been going to a school for a while - i'm getting on well etc but theres a girl I fancy.

This Girl normally smiles at me first when I look in her direction, talked to me a few times (she started convos) and even asked me for help with work amongst other things.

But i've seen her with her arms round a guy once, I mean I'm not sure what it is, it could be just friendly or more but its confusing.

I'm a little shy when it comes to stuff like this (I'm nervous posting this lol) and everytime I try to go and chat to her - I chicken out... I'm always annoyed with myself after but I just cant seem to start a convo with her. I can sometimes manage when the convo gets going although i'm a bit careful in what I say.

I don't have much self confidence when it comes to girls and I always get nervous and normally try to avoid the situation - which is really the opposite of what I really want to do.

I know i've blabbed on a bit but I just thought i'd post to see if anyone can offer me some advice with this.

Thanks

JsT

In honesty there isn't much you can do to up your confidence, you just have to take a deep breath (Drink whisky/rum/vodka if required) and go for it!

Former Member

I had the exact same thing in my last year of high school. I fucked it up by not having the guts to make a move.

I'm pretty shy as well (took me about a year to start posting here) but your going to have to face it at some point. Sooner is much better than later.

The only advice I can really give is to just go for it. Don't work out any lines or anything because (if your like me) you'll get muddled or start stuttering.

As for the guy, well my best friend in high school was a girl and I was always hugging her. Don't read to much into it.

Good luck!:thumb:

Former Member

dont be nervous about posting on here, ive noticed you're new, take a bit of time and read some of the other posts, your dilemmas are nothing compared to some of the stuff you can find!

as for your woman trouble, believe me, dont bottle it. i did when i was at school and i regret it every single day. if you dont do summat about it, you'll beat yourself up with "what ifs" forever and cos you dont have the answers it just gets worse. talking to girls can be awkward at first, but everyone is in that boat at some stage, so dont get annoyed with yourself. you say she speaks to you quite often; thats a start. just start with little things, like asking how she is if she looks down, things like that. if you're not ready just take things step by step and you'll be alright.

Former Member

Originally posted by Infinite
As for the guy, well my best friend in high school was a girl and I was always hugging her. Don't read to much into it.

Yeh, I thought that but I'm just worried that if I make a move and she turns out to have a bf then either she may tell him and he might come looking for me (if you know what I mean) or rumors will spread and i'll be a laughing stock.

Girls (and in fact guys) at school keep asking me things like "Who do you fancy?" etc (The Girl was one of the peeps who asked me) but as i'm shy I just say stupid things like "Don't know" or "I'm not saying" as I always feel shy and embarrassed when it comes to sharing that kind of info for the same reasons as above.

Anyway thanks for the advice

Former Member

Originally posted by JsT
(Drink whisky/rum/vodka if required)

I'd advise against this. Even if the dutch courage does work this time, what are you going to do next time if you get all nervous? You can't rely on drink.

And chances are she's going to think you're taking the piss/it's the drink talking if you're tipsy, and besides that isn't drinking in school against the rules?

But I know your position, I fancy this girl at college and would love to get my voice heard and ask her out, but I hate the thought of rejection. It's easy for people to say 'just be more confident'; alot easier said than done but there's not much else people can say. It's all down to you. Just wait for a quiet moment where you're away from people and bring the topic up and you can't really go much wrong. The worst she can say is no. :thumb:

I feel like such a hypocrite.

Former Member

Originally posted by z0ma
I feel like such a hypocrite.

Aye. You should

Former Member

It took me many many many long and painful years to learn this............



.......ask her out. Or tell her how you feel. Do something. Do anything.
Let's look at it this way. You don't say anything, she won't know, and you loose her. You will always be wondering "what if". You'll be cursing yourself, and it'll eat you up, and consume you, from the inside. And it'll be worse if she starts seeing someone else.
On the other hand, if you say something, there's the chance she just may say yes. Ok, there's a chance that she'll say no, or even do something nasty like take the piss, or laugh at you. But at least you'll know. And you'll survive the temporary embarassment. You'll survive. You'll live. And you'll get over it, and it'll make you stronger.
One of the things you'll learn over the years is not to be careful about what you say. Not to be thinking it over and over, and putting too much thought into what you say, and (just as importantly) don't say. Don't hold back. If you make a mistake, just carry on talking. Laugh it off.
So what if you cock it up with this girl. There will be others, and one day you will get it right. At least you can console yourself with the fact that you tried.

A few more thoughts...

You have everything to gain, and nothing to loose by asking her out, or telling her how you feel.

If you ask/tell her, and she says no, then you've gained the knowledge that she isn't intersted in you, or at least not in that way. You gain the experience of asking a girl out, or telling her how you feel. You gain the confidence (yes, rejection may knock your confidence temporarily) to tell a girl how you feel.
If you don't say anything, you loose the girl, you loose the confidence, and will never know.
So, you see, you have nothing to loose, and everything to gain!

Former Member

Originally posted by Mr_Wobble
It took me many many many long and painful years to learn this............



.......ask her out. Or tell her how you feel. Do something. Do anything.
Let's look at it this way. You don't say anything, she won't know, and you loose her. You will always be wondering "what if". You'll be cursing yourself, and it'll eat you up, and consume you, from the inside. And it'll be worse if she starts seeing someone else.
On the other hand, if you say something, there's the chance she just may say yes. Ok, there's a chance that she'll say no, or even do something nasty like take the piss, or laugh at you. But at least you'll know. And you'll survive the temporary embarassment. You'll survive. You'll live. And you'll get over it, and it'll make you stronger.
One of the things you'll learn over the years is not to be careful about what you say. Not to be thinking it over and over, and putting too much thought into what you say, and (just as importantly) don't say. Don't hold back. If you make a mistake, just carry on talking. Laugh it off.
So what if you cock it up with this girl. There will be others, and one day you will get it right. At least you can console yourself with the fact that you tried.

A few more thoughts...

You have everything to gain, and nothing to loose by asking her out, or telling her how you feel.

If you ask/tell her, and she says no, then you've gained the knowledge that she isn't intersted in you, or at least not in that way. You gain the experience of asking a girl out, or telling her how you feel. You gain the confidence (yes, rejection may knock your confidence temporarily) to tell a girl how you feel.
If you don't say anything, you loose the girl, you loose the confidence, and will never know.
So, you see, you have nothing to loose, and everything to gain!

i couldn't have said it any better.

Former Member

what Mr_Wobble said, perfect :yes:

Former Member

Ive been in the same situation, like the others have said, Wobble put it perfectly, just do it. You'll feel all the better for having done it too :thumb:

Former Member

this may seem like really bad advice, but its sortve based on the affirmations theory, basically if you just tell everyone your great all the time, but make sure they know your joking, then gradually you'll begin to believe it (be careful though hehe) but you'll just feel great all the time and you wont feel nervous about talking to anyone....except maybe someone who points a gun to your head and says "Say 'what' again motherfucker, i fucking dare you"

Former Member

Why not arrange to go out with some friends and invite her along (like the movies or bowling), maybe a group of 3 boys 3 girls, then next time a smaller group of 2 girls 2 guys, then eventually just the two of you.

Less pressure on everyone that way!!

Former Member

Mr_Wobble said it very well, because he was in the same situation (I read some of your previous posts), and so was I. It's really a sound advice. I had a crush on this girl, told my closest friends about that, kept bugging them for 2 years (!), felt very pathetic all that time, after 2 years i told her what i felt about her, and she said she just wanted to be friends. I was devastated, but it was just a week after that i forgot about it, and 2 weeks later, i really felt great, because i didn't think about her all the time.

It's all been about 2 months ago, and i am no longer blinded by her light, and am able to see other girls too I still have some feelings for her, but i'm trying to drop them, and these are 5% of what they use to be, anyway.

So, go ahead, and tell her what you feel, and even if she says no, you'll feel much better later.

Hope u have luck with that!

Former Member

I'm not really going to add on much, what mr_wobble said was good enough.

Former Member

wow, been reading the posts in this thread and am kinda heartened by the fact there's other people who wish they'd gone for it.

I know everyone's already said it, but please, just take a deep breath and got for it. Whatever happens, and I mean whatever happens, you will be so so glad you went for it. For example; the best case scenireo is obvious, but lets look at the absolute worst case secerio: say you go up to her, tell her how you feel and she slaps you in the face or something outrageous like that. I wouldn't deny that you'll feel very, very silly at the time, but as you walk away you'll be glad a) you found out and b) why on eath you would have wanted to go out with someone who would do something like that.

just go for it (i still wish i had, and that was over 2 years ago)... and let us know how it goes.

hope this helps

Former Member

I helped organise a meetup on Thrusday and one guy that came form my list was liked by this other girl but I didn't find out until after the 1st guy left, so now she wants me to find his email / phone number .. would be been a lot easier if she simply asked him at the time!!!