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Leaving someone you love...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am in love. Like, the kind of love you don't expect to fall into but then you get and it's amazing. Reciprocated and everything, or so he says. But there's his Girlfriend. Who he doesn't want to hurt or leave because he doesn't know what he feels for her really.
We try to be friends and then if I mention kissing someone (which I don't because I really wouldn't want to kiss anyone who's not him) he gets all quiet & says he'd be really jealous. And then, whenever he mentions sex- I do the same because I assume he's thinking about his girlfriend.
I asked him to choose. Her or me. And if it wasn't going to me I said I didn't think we could talk because being friends never works. It hasn't worked very efficiently but he is still my friend and I do still love him very much. (He chose her).
I don't want to loose him. It would kill me! But I just don't know what to do. I can't kiss other people and he's there talking about sleeping with me sometimes and last night on the phone (incidentally we talked until 3.30 which was nice) he said something about it being better since this whole thing is not 'at its peak'. Which worries me because perhaps he hasn't noticed how bad it is for me. He gets to lie to his girlfriend and she'll fuck him anyway. At least he's safe with someone. When he's not around I'm all on my own. Christ. I'm like, lulling myself into a depressed thing now. Ngh.
Basically, I KNOW it would be better for my self esteem (for me really) if he wasn't there. But I love him and can't stand to leave him because I know it's not what he wants.
I can't cope!!!! This all coincides nicely with problems with depression and missing a year of college. It's too much. I need him around but it hurts to know when he's with her.
****
Also, they have problems. She's got hold of my mobile number and phones a lot. She does it if his phone is off or engaged to check if he's talking to me. I say "hello" and she hangs up. And if mine happens to be off too, she has a go at him and he ignores me for like, a day or so. Christ.
This is true of the girls going for bad guys who break their little hearts into thousands of pieces. Only, I know he's not really. So I don't actually know what it is. It's just someone who was inevitably going to end up hurting me (he has a girlfriend, enough said). Yet I'm hanging around to have myself feel even smaller.
Every time he says something bad about her, or she phones.. It makes me feel a million times worse cos it's like, she really gets to the point of obsessiveness over this- and he phones HIM from witheld sometimes and just hangs up. Repeatedly. She's psycho and obsessed with him and controlling and he's not even allowed female friends. Yet he still chose her over me.
[This message has been edited by freya (edited 26-11-2001).]
We try to be friends and then if I mention kissing someone (which I don't because I really wouldn't want to kiss anyone who's not him) he gets all quiet & says he'd be really jealous. And then, whenever he mentions sex- I do the same because I assume he's thinking about his girlfriend.
I asked him to choose. Her or me. And if it wasn't going to me I said I didn't think we could talk because being friends never works. It hasn't worked very efficiently but he is still my friend and I do still love him very much. (He chose her).
I don't want to loose him. It would kill me! But I just don't know what to do. I can't kiss other people and he's there talking about sleeping with me sometimes and last night on the phone (incidentally we talked until 3.30 which was nice) he said something about it being better since this whole thing is not 'at its peak'. Which worries me because perhaps he hasn't noticed how bad it is for me. He gets to lie to his girlfriend and she'll fuck him anyway. At least he's safe with someone. When he's not around I'm all on my own. Christ. I'm like, lulling myself into a depressed thing now. Ngh.
Basically, I KNOW it would be better for my self esteem (for me really) if he wasn't there. But I love him and can't stand to leave him because I know it's not what he wants.
I can't cope!!!! This all coincides nicely with problems with depression and missing a year of college. It's too much. I need him around but it hurts to know when he's with her.
****
Also, they have problems. She's got hold of my mobile number and phones a lot. She does it if his phone is off or engaged to check if he's talking to me. I say "hello" and she hangs up. And if mine happens to be off too, she has a go at him and he ignores me for like, a day or so. Christ.
This is true of the girls going for bad guys who break their little hearts into thousands of pieces. Only, I know he's not really. So I don't actually know what it is. It's just someone who was inevitably going to end up hurting me (he has a girlfriend, enough said). Yet I'm hanging around to have myself feel even smaller.
Every time he says something bad about her, or she phones.. It makes me feel a million times worse cos it's like, she really gets to the point of obsessiveness over this- and he phones HIM from witheld sometimes and just hangs up. Repeatedly. She's psycho and obsessed with him and controlling and he's not even allowed female friends. Yet he still chose her over me.
[This message has been edited by freya (edited 26-11-2001).]
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Comments
I really feel for you here. My friend is in almost exactly the same situation. The only difference being that the guy stayed with his gf because she threatened suicide.
Shes been stuck in a kind of limbo for the past year. She still loves the guy but cant be with him. She tries to start dating other guys but cant get anywhere because of her feelings for the first guy.
I know how it is and I know you probably wont be able to take any advice given. Love is a very addictive thing. You must get out of this situation if you are going to live your life and actually enjoy it.
It may seem awful but you must try and forget about him. He obviously thinks theres something worth saving with him and his gf. Youve gotta accept that and move on. He has no right to say he would be jealous at the thought of you with another guy. If hes chosen this other girl over you then hes gotta live with his decision. Keeping you dangling is just out of order.
Its easy for me to sit here saying this and I can imagine how hard it must be for you but youve gotta get away from him, emotionally and more importantly physically. If youre seeing him all the time you are never gonna sort this out.
Good luck and take care.
I know what i should do but yeah, like you said it's really very difficult <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> I am going to talk to him, tell him not to tell me how he feels for me and "it's not that he'd rather be with her than me, because it's more complicated". He has the audacity to tell me he'd rather be with ME sometimes. Apart from everything else he's a friend. I've gone through a hard time recently and I don't know how to cope without him! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
a lot of this sounds VERY familiar and just brings it all back. this is that thing i briefly mentioned to you the other day <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> i dont want to talk about it on here, but i'll talk to you when i see you on msn next.
i know how much it hurts (((((((((freya)))))))))