If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Help need- v complicated situation
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, I kinda have two problems ill deal with the one at a time but first, here's the scenario:
Well I met this bloke, lets call him J thru a friend S. We went out to an Xmas ball last w/e, hada gr8 time and I stayed there the night.( <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"> ) I really like him. I saw him sat and sun as well but nout during the week cos hes @ uni and lives a mission away. He's got a HUGE rep for being a complete player, but when it came up in the convo he promised he was retired and that he wouldnt hurt me.
Ok so far?
Well here's problem 1)Because both he and S are bouncers down my local the both think im 19. Well we first met S in the pub and could hardly tell him otherwise! Im actually 15. I dont wana lie to him.But i dont wanna lose him either. (hes 20)If i do tell him and it goes tits up not only have i lost him but ive lost S, who is a gr8 mate and ive lost this pub, which is where all my m8s go and its a gd laughin there. If i dont tell him and he does find out.......... thats so harsh and a mutual friend told me last nite this happened over the summer and he found out his gf was 15 and he went mental @ her for not tellin him and mental at our mutual friend 4 not tellin him. I asked her what his reaction would be if I did tell him and she said she didnt know. I may lose him. Also if I dont tell him SP might........which leads me to the second problem:
As I said earlier he has a huge rep 4 being a player and evry1 has told me to watch my back. Now when a friend of mine, ST, was askin me bout my love life i told her bout J and her face fell. This girl she works with, SP is apparently seeing him too. ST told me that they were goin out but she slept with sum1 over the summer and she didnt know whether they sorted it out or not. I talked to him about it. He said that he was only seeing her and when she slept with sum1 else they split up. He pulled her a while back at sum party buut nothing is going on now. He promised. I went back to ST and told her. She said shed talked to SP and shed said that shes just having casual sex with him@ the mo and doesnt care if hes seeing anybody else.ie. me.
I dont know SP so cant really confront her. Ive already talked to him bout it and hes told me one story. I dont wanna go back and nagg him bout this cos it makes me out to be the jealous clingy gf. Im only seeing him as well. He promised me he wouldnt hurt me or play me. I dont know what to do, please help. Im supposed to be seeing him later so reply asap. Thanks.
J
xxxxxxxxxxx
Grow old but never grow up.
[This message has been edited by SexyCinderella (edited 16-12-2000).]
Well I met this bloke, lets call him J thru a friend S. We went out to an Xmas ball last w/e, hada gr8 time and I stayed there the night.( <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"> ) I really like him. I saw him sat and sun as well but nout during the week cos hes @ uni and lives a mission away. He's got a HUGE rep for being a complete player, but when it came up in the convo he promised he was retired and that he wouldnt hurt me.
Ok so far?
Well here's problem 1)Because both he and S are bouncers down my local the both think im 19. Well we first met S in the pub and could hardly tell him otherwise! Im actually 15. I dont wana lie to him.But i dont wanna lose him either. (hes 20)If i do tell him and it goes tits up not only have i lost him but ive lost S, who is a gr8 mate and ive lost this pub, which is where all my m8s go and its a gd laughin there. If i dont tell him and he does find out.......... thats so harsh and a mutual friend told me last nite this happened over the summer and he found out his gf was 15 and he went mental @ her for not tellin him and mental at our mutual friend 4 not tellin him. I asked her what his reaction would be if I did tell him and she said she didnt know. I may lose him. Also if I dont tell him SP might........which leads me to the second problem:
As I said earlier he has a huge rep 4 being a player and evry1 has told me to watch my back. Now when a friend of mine, ST, was askin me bout my love life i told her bout J and her face fell. This girl she works with, SP is apparently seeing him too. ST told me that they were goin out but she slept with sum1 over the summer and she didnt know whether they sorted it out or not. I talked to him about it. He said that he was only seeing her and when she slept with sum1 else they split up. He pulled her a while back at sum party buut nothing is going on now. He promised. I went back to ST and told her. She said shed talked to SP and shed said that shes just having casual sex with him@ the mo and doesnt care if hes seeing anybody else.ie. me.
I dont know SP so cant really confront her. Ive already talked to him bout it and hes told me one story. I dont wanna go back and nagg him bout this cos it makes me out to be the jealous clingy gf. Im only seeing him as well. He promised me he wouldnt hurt me or play me. I dont know what to do, please help. Im supposed to be seeing him later so reply asap. Thanks.
J
xxxxxxxxxxx
Grow old but never grow up.
[This message has been edited by SexyCinderella (edited 16-12-2000).]
0
Comments
I lied to an ex about my age once but it was just a while b4 my birthday when i was gonna actually be how old i told him i was so it didnt really matter that much, but it was a pain in the arse lying to him and it was awful wondering if he was gonna find out cos a lot of my mates knew him 2.
I suppose its a bit pointless replying because i dont really know what to say.
All I can say is that you have started out with a lie and they just grow and grow.
You have to think is he worth all the hassle because it sounds to me that he is a bit of a player, will it be worth all those lies if he does end up cheating on you.
How long do you think you can keep up with the lies.
If I was you id forget about him and carry on going to the pub because, if you tell him your age you risk losing him and going to the pub. Or if he does accept your age and you split up he could stop you going to the pub because he knows about your age.
Thats all i can say really sorry if it hasnt been a help to you.
Went over to his yesterday and just chilled out , it was nice.
Then like just before i was about to go he asked if i was ok, i looked worried. I just burst into tears and told him everything. He just sat there and stroked my hair.
He said that it was a huge age gap and that he could get done for rape but it didnt change who i was. He said that it was a huge shock and that he wanted to think about it and let it sink in and then decide what to do. He said he'd call me this evening.
I just sat there and appologised. He said that he knew i didnt mean to lie to him and not to look so worried.
I'll let you know as soon as I do.
Keep your fingers, legs and eyes crossed for me!!!!
ps. He said he wouldnt tell S. I reckon therefore that the pub'll be ok too.
Good luck tho.. u definately did the right thing telling him.
I hope you're wrong Daze.
Love loads,
Cinders,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ps. Don't you dare uncross yourselves yet!!!!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
Grow old but never grow up.
I hope everything turns out ok!
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
GOOD LUCK
Jump and Sing!!!!!!
Went over there yesterday and all is now sorted and we're going out!!! I am sooooo happy. That was yesterday afternoon, went to the pub last night with some mates and i gotta go now cos im going over there to chill out.
Thanks everybody for like calming me down over all of this and for all the support!!!!
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
"I just want to feel safe in my own skin. I just want to be happy again." -Dido
Just to let you know everything is still cooshty. He came over yesterday and gave me my *prezzie*. He is sooooo adorable. Love him to bits. So glad it worked out.
Anyway im starting to go off on a tangent so i'll be leaving now............ :0
"TAXI!!!!"
"I just want to feel safe in my own skin. I just want to be happy again." -Dido
What about the other girl though? Has he finished with her? Can you trust him, or will you always be worrying about it because of his rep?
The reason I ask is because I had a very similar experience with the guy I dated this summer. He came with a reputation, but I decided to trust him. I really did trust him too...never thought for a second he was cheating. Fast forward 4 months later to September. We split and I find out that not only was he cheating, but that there were over 30 different women in 4 months!!! In retrospect, I suppose there were signs, but I've never been cheated on before and didn't realize what was happening. I'm still humiliated that I never figured it out.
Ooops! I meant to congratulate you and ask you a quick question and I ended up talking about me for ages. Sorry!
I'm happy for you.
See he promised me in great detail and we had this huge deep talk bout everything. He promised that it was over with SP. I havent seen ST to ask whether this is true but i trust him.
Talkin of that sorta thing his ex Steph is trying it on. She was flirting something cronic on xmas eve and one of her friends came up up and asked if we were official or just seeing each other. Then yesterday i was mooching at his house and i was lookin thru his phone while he was downstairs trying to delete a dirty txt id sent when i was drunk. There were a loada txts from her and lets ssay the temptation was too much....
They were saying how much she wanted him back and how much she wanted him to do xy and z to her. Then the last one was saying ok, well i know we can only be friends buit im always here.
Do i say anything? I vauguely brought it up and he said she's just a flirt and means nothing by it.
Sorry people my relasionship problems just go on and on and on.
"I just want to feel safe in my own skin. I just want to be happy again." -Dido