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Jealousy

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guyz & Gals

I have this problem and its really getting me down i need to share my problem.

Me and my boyfriend went out a couple of weeks ago with a few of his friends, anywayz his mates left the pub we was in to go to a club me and him stayed on, he started to accuse me of fancying one of his mates that my mate was actually going out with, anywayz we had this massive row and made up!

Anyway we went out friday for my birthday and he done the exact same thing except this time it was worse as i was actually punching him and nearly broke my hand punching a wall, he doesnt seem to understand that this is mental torture it really hurts me, ive told him that if he does it again i will not forgive him although i dont want to lose him i cant deal with this grief everythime we go out, it is doing my head in, and i just wanted to have your opinions on whether i am doing the right thing by waiting to see if this happens again.

any response would be grateful thank you!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its hard for you both, jealousy can grip a guy (or a girl) and it kinda takes over everything. He is obviously really insecure, maybe you could reassure him that you love HIM, and be extra nice to him for a couple of weeks, make him feel wanted.

    But its not easy for you either, jealousy is really unattractive, and must be making you feel crap.

    I'm not sure if finishing with him would do any good, you obviously DO want to be with him, thats part of ther reason you feel so bad.

    Having an honest talk would also help a lot.

    Good luck

    Brian



    Winners never quit and quitters never win !!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,
    I don't know if this advice is what you want to hear, but I thought I'd share my experience with you because it took me a very long time to sort out a similar situation.
    My boyfriend was constantly accusing me of fancying his mates, and a lot of other people because of his own guilty conscience. He fancied other people and cheated on me behind my back, felt guilty, got over it and then realised how easy it was to get away with, he then instantly assumed that I was probably up to the same thing (which I wasn't and knew nothing of what he was up to)anyway to cut a long story short, I think that by turning it round onto me being accused of cheating, it took all the focus off of him so I never suspected what he was up to.
    I stayed with him for 3 years and when we eventually broke up, I found out about his string of cheating episodes and his other girlfriend!!!!!!!!!
    I am not saying that your boyfriend is anything like this, but what I am saying is that you are doing nothing wrong, he has a problem and maybe a hidden agenda. You deserve much better, enjoy your youth, you don't have it for long, don't make my mistake and waste years of your life on someone who doesn't deserve you and makes you feel so bad, you'll really regret it later.
    I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.
    Follow your head on this one, sometimes the heart makes us stay in places where we need to break free to assess the situation
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wow Shani, im really sorry to hear about your probs, but u gave some great advice there!

    You could try stayin in, just u and him, for a while this would help him, or if u do go out try and pay as much attention to him as possibe, maybe tell him u love him more than u would normally. good luck with it though
    xxxs

    No man is worth your tears, and the one who is wont make you cry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you for your advice i really appriciate it we stayed in over the weekend and things are looking better.

    I think he is insecure as his previous girlfriend slept with 2 people behind his back and then had the decencency to tell him!?!?!??!?!????

    thanx again people.

    XXXXX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my boyf takes a lot of intrest in my m8s but i wouldnt accuse him of anything + its not fair urs should. tell him how u feel and that u wouldnt want to hurt him he may understand
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Shani:
    Hi,
    I don't know if this advice is what you want to hear, but I thought I'd share my experience with you because it took me a very long time to sort out a similar situation.
    My boyfriend was constantly accusing me of fancying his mates, and a lot of other people because of his own guilty conscience. He fancied other people and cheated on me behind my back, felt guilty, got over it and then realised how easy it was to get away with, he then instantly assumed that I was probably up to the same thing (which I wasn't and knew nothing of what he was up to)anyway to cut a long story short, I think that by turning it round onto me being accused of cheating, it took all the focus off of him so I never suspected what he was up to.
    I stayed with him for 3 years and when we eventually broke up, I found out about his string of cheating episodes and his other girlfriend!!!!!!!!!
    I am not saying that your boyfriend is anything like this, but what I am saying is that you are doing nothing wrong, he has a problem and maybe a hidden agenda. You deserve much better, enjoy your youth, you don't have it for long, don't make my mistake and waste years of your life on someone who doesn't deserve you and makes you feel so bad, you'll really regret it later.
    I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.
    Follow your head on this one, sometimes the heart makes us stay in places where we need to break free to assess the situation

    Erm, the last bit isn't exactly true. My gf is away at uni, and I am jealous of all the lad mates she has. I have no "alternative agenda". I have never cheated on her, never will, I guess I'm just jealous because I don't get to see her very often.

    Bluey, try just talking to him, tell him that his insecurities have no need to exist, that he has no reason to be jealous (unless of course he does?!?). If you reassure him, then he should understand.
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