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Nice Guy Syndrome
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't care what any girl tells you it's true nice guy's ALWAYS finish last. I'm 19 i've been told time and time again by girls that - "I'm a really great guy" yet how many girlfriends have i had - None, I'm no Adonis but i'm not unattractive and fit the nice guy description exactly - i'm sensitve , intelligent , loyal - I would never ever cheat on a girl, I rarely if ever lie, And i would never pressure a girl into doing something they didn't want to do, Yet i am living proof that what ever thay say girls just don't want nice guys, because nice guys always take the time to get to know girls before they ask them out and by then the girls are always "I don't want to lose you as a friend" or something similar, I even had one girl who told me that "If she didn't already have a boyfriend she would" and then the next week dumped the boyfriend for one of my mate's without even a thought to me. and all this rejection usually leads to a huge lack of any kind of self confidence which only compounds the problem. but yet as much as I wish I could but I can't change who I am. I am just not capable Being brash arrogant and a complete jerk like 90% of all males. Yet this 90% that all girls say they don't want get all the women and the 10% that are the guys women say they are looking for get nothing.
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I think its about time I join a gym to build up a bit.
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself
[This message has been edited by Broken Heart (edited 23-11-2000).]
I would love to meet a guy whos considerate and caring. I always meet the cheating bastards any girl who ends up with you is one lucky gal!!
first off, you have to have the edge with a potential partner, ie be funny, witty, sexy, clever or whatever, to give you a bit of a headstart when trying to pull.
Secondly, you have to be yourself but you also have to keep some of yourself back. By that i mean your potential girl doesn't want to know that you have NO experience, allow her to assume that you are more aware than you may be. In other words be confident about your ability to pull as well as your ability to be a nice bloke. Having said that, don't directly lie, just keep the truth to yourself in the beginning.
Thirdly, smile a lot as it makes everyone more attractive.
And fourthly enjoy yourself and feel gorgeous!!!
Good luck mate although if you're as nice as you say you are, you won't need it in the long run.
J9 what are you Insinuating he he
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
We probably went to he same school he he. Or you might even be a friend of mine or something.
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself
I know how to treat a woman. I know what most decent women want.
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself
I reckon that 'nice guys' tend to be those who for one reason or another lack some of the arrogance and selfishness that typifies young men (and also women, though less often). Maleness, or at least 'blokeness' at the moment is linked with any one or all of selfishness, arrogant strength and dominance - take a good look at 'blokes' magazines - and so sensitive men don't do too well in the eyes of these typical perspectives. As a result it's easy for us to feel like we don't quite fit in with the typical 'pulling competition' way of things and find it difficult to know how else to procede.
Blokes with that arrogance of course find it easier to ask people out / lech on them / pray on drunken vulnerable people / ... and also care less about the consequences of being turned down or whatever, because they care less about the other person. Ironically this means overall they are more 'successful' in a simple view because they succeed in fulfilling their own desires more often, because they make more attempts. Believe me, they don't know what real success is and won't until they grow up a lot.
I know it can be difficult to tell someone else how you feel, because it's personal, but you're far more likely to get a positive result than you think. MaLkAv, I didn't manage it till I was 19 and a half (20 now)and I've got plenty of friends who still haven't, so stop worrying. And have a go. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Also, I reckon that going to the gym is a good thing - or doing other sport - but more because it'll make you feel better about yourself than for the simple visual benefits.
Hmmm.... this is getting a bit long. The problem with dealing with a whole thread in one go. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
cya all.
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up
I have never had confidence with girls! I guess I just had a fear that if I asked a girl out they would laugh at me and tell their friends and they would laugh at me too. OK I worried about that in High School but not now! I just don't have the confidence to ask a girl out now.
I just hope that they will ask me out instead <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif">
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
Such a waste! Please have in mind, that each girl is flattered if she's approached by a lad, considering he's not a complete moron and a totally ugly mug. Just try and you will find the one! There is a possibility of rejection, of course, but take it easy. It's natural.
I've been rejected myself, but hey, there's plenty more fish in the sea! Eventual success ALWAYS pays off.
I know that and I know that I could get lucky but when push comes o shove I don't have the guts <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
Which is basically all I want to say. You are not the only person in the world in this situation, far from it, and if people like us never had any success, we'd have been bred out of the gene pool, right?
The point is, we don`t get women by going out "on the pull", nor do we get women by having them fancy us - apparently they do, but we never see it (incidentally, any ladies reading this - someone with low confidence like myself or it seems MaLkAv are more likely to interpret eye contact as "Stop looking at me!" than "I fancy you!")
I've had no real relationships in the past - I was royally messed up by someone purporting to be my gf (it's a long story) which meant I wasted all my university life being loyal to someone, only seeing her once a year if I was lucky, but they're not all like that. I know this because my (nice guy) friends mostly have gfs.
All I can say is this: You _must_ ask women - don`t wait for them as the type of women people like us usually like _will not do it_. And for goodness' sake please don`t let yourself be toyed with. I was loyal to someone my entire uni life and she dumped me two months before she graduated for someone else. In five years I saw her about 6 times (literally! no exaggeration!) but because I didn`t want to be alone I stood and stayed loyal (I think she was two timing me, though). DON`T let this happen - you should always take pride in yourself - look at yourself closely and you'll see you're a good person. You know you are, I can tell by your post - the mix of confusion and bitterness and miscomprehension are all exactly how I feel too. Be happy with who you are and you _can_ ask a girl out.
OK, I've gone on long enough. Just remember - you're not the only one out there... and there are women out there like us too, if only we can find them. And we only need to find one! And you don`t need confidence, either, you need bravado - they're two very different things.
Oh, and thanks - it's nice to know that there are other people out there too like myself!
Best of luck! May we all find someone who can actually _appreciate_ the "Nice Guys" of this world!
If they want it at first... dont put out not interested signs.. more like dont care either way.
Dont act deperate.. act like u can take it or leave it.. they'll start trying harder n want u more...
U can even go far enuff to not pulling em.. then they start talking between themselves.. more girls'll b like... mmm reckon I could pull him.. then they try.. all o a sudden u got 5 willing girls to do with as u please <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I thought it was a bit harsh too! Girls do it to us so get even!
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
That was a bit harsh Harry <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
When Daze said he didn't mean actually treat them badly or ignore them - just make them think about about you a bit by not behaving qiute how they expect - so chill out MaLkAv <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">.
You see this is where we differ. A relationship is the last thing I want out of good sex.
Harry is very definitely on the boat.
LOL! Nice one. i think this issue has to be addressed!
Harry is very definitely on the boat.
LOL <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.