What's she playing at?

Former Member

Hey all!

I met this girl out clubbing one night about a month ago, we had a dance/bit of a snog and swopped numbers. she was texting me all the next day so we got talking and hit it off. she told me she had a boyfriend at the time but that he treated her like shit so she wasnt really bothered about cheating on him. things were going ok between us, met her a couple of times in town, then we aranged to meet up somewhere else from town so she came out with me and my friends to drive round for a bit listening to music then came back to mine to watch a film. anyway, long story short we ended up having sex that night. to be honest im not looking for anything really serious with her, just a bit of fun and i think she feels the same. i spoke to her last night and she told me how she'd broken up with her boyfriend. (im thinking great! about time) then she tells me how shes just started going out with a new guy. her old boyfriend never knew about me which was probably a good thing, but her new boyfriend did know about me and that we slept together before he started going out with her. now he gets really paranoid with her (for example he'll ring her and she'll say shes with friends and he'll be all ' hmm i bet hes there isnt he'..) i've asked her why shes with him and she says she doesnt really know and that its probably because she will get to see him in the week (which she wont with me, living quite a way away) he obviously getting pissed off coz of me and she says she really likes me and does want to be with me/keep seeing me but feels like shes owes the new bloke a chance. she says she only started going out with him because she has trouble saying no when people who she likes a bit ask her out.
Any idea as to whats going through her head. i think she wants to have her cake and eat it, i.e have both of us, now im fine with this, it wouldnt bother me much, but new bloke seems to have a big problem with it (understandably).
not sure what im asking to be honest but any advice would be good. and please dont say just back off because i do like this girl and i know she likes me as well because she didnt sleep with her ex(she was with him about 6 weeks) and she has'nt slept with new guy yet...

Former Member

I would say that perhaps she thinks that all you want is a casual thing and so perhaps you need to be clearer about what you want.

if she thinks you just want a bit of fun she may be too scared to say its more important to her so she's keeping this bloke in reserve instead of risking making a foll of herself by appearing to want you when you don't seem to really want her.

However....how will you feel if you get together with her? Will you trust her?

Former Member

hmm, first off well done for managing to read all of it
Im not sure if i'd trust her or not really. i do like her a lot but well, she *was* with someone else when we got together so yes the trust thing would be a big issue...

Former Member

i think (this is just my view) that the whole situation is really confused.

OK if you need to be more clear with her about what you want, then i'd have to say i think she needs to give you some clarity.

One the one hand we have an ex (who's now out of the picture) and then we have a new guy who she is 'with'. in the middle is your good self .

what?

so if she's with him, but still talking to you, do you think that she just wants to be mates with you or more? FIND OUT!

and as for the other guy, im sure (and its VERY noble of you to sympathise with his jelousies (sp) ) that he has good reason to be a bit wary, but its not your problem (dont mean to be cruel but it aint. you cant do anything by agonising over his perceptions so dont get involved). he (like you) needs absolute clarity as to what is going on (hell, she HAS been honest enough to admit she slept with you anyway).

The glue holding this together is this girl. Get some clarity from her.

hope u sort it out.

Former Member

you should just tell her that the whole thing is messed up. It sounds like you are the guy she is constantly cheating on another person with. I also don't really understand why this new guy is even going out with her if he has a problem with your involvement but he knew about it from the beginning.

Former Member

2 be honest she sounds like she's going to fuck you around rather a lot and you may end up with having to deal with this boyfriend at some point.

I'd say if you want a casual shag buddy go for somebody less complicated

Former Member

how do you know she hasnt slept with them? shoe ould be saying the same about you kinda thing.

Former Member

I'd give her the choice she either wants to be with you and you alone or she can have the other guy her decision and if she messes you around again then you dont want anything to do with her.
May sound a bit harsh but should give you atleast an idea of what she wants.

Former Member

course she hasn't slept with them.

it would all be fine if you didn't like her as a person which you clearly do. you fool. if you want to share a girl then thats fine...

what you should be doin is fuckin and lookin elsewhere.
but you clearly care about her as you have now posted a thread on her.

oh dear.....