need a little help here...

Former Member

ok, so i dont know where this would go, and i know that in the end its all up to me to decide but i just want some opinions and views and stuff...

i've been thinking of moving back home with my parents. the plus sides being i could get my sleep pattern back on track, i could get a job and some money and living on your own expensises would not be impossible to make. pretty much all of my friends are still back there so my social life would go up extremly and i'd probably be happier with that. the downside being, well, i'd be living with my parents and all the stuff that goes with that such as rules and their constant bitching at me. and some other stuff too.

but then i think about living here and i feel like i need to really. although my roomate, who has also been my best friend for a couple years annoys the fuck out of me 99% of the day I feel like I owe it to her to stay. she has supported my ass for months and months that i've lived here with nothing. she, well is my best friend and i'm sure you all know the feeling of that. also she is shy, just like me. and without me she would be nearly alone (with the exception of a couple people from her job) in a huge city. and i know for a fact that she would hate it. theres been many times shes told me that she would not have been able to even live here if it wasn't for me being here with her. shes always been there for me. when i was in school and she was here, i once had a very bad time, she drove 6 hours just to come and make sure i was ok. when i dropped out of school, she was there for me and was more than excited when i moved in.

i would feel like absolute hell if i left and then she had to leave too. shes wanted to live in chicago for as long as i can remember. and i've wanted to get out of my home town for as long as i can remember. i just feel like going home would help me get my financial and educational life back on track. it would also help me, as i said before, get my sleeping patterns back on and probably help make me happier. but i really can't find it in my heart to just pack up and leave somebody who has done so much and who i owe them so much.

sorry for being so long.

Former Member

Sometimes you need to do what is best for yourself.

I think you should talk it through with your friend if you can.

Former Member

Talk to your mate hun, see what she says

Former Member

its so hard to talk to her now though. if i mention one thing even remotly personal she takes offence and it starts a huge fight that doesn't end until one person just takes off for an hour. ilke last night i mentioned that she really does annoy me with her bird (things i don't even want to go into now) and she got so angry with me. i dont want pety things to ruin our friendship. i was once really angry and told her i was moving out. then we both got even more angry and sad all that shit. i'm afraid that if i leave i might lose my best friend. it is also unbelievably hard to live on your own when you don't know anybody else. the times she has gone home for the weekend and stuff i just want to die of boredem. sitting and drinking and watching tv for days straight really does get old. maybe i could try just going home for a couple days and seein how that works out? but then again I am just honestly scared of my parents and their huge dissapointment in me and I really don't know if I can take all that either.

Former Member

I don't think you can carry on living there if you aren't getting on like that though.

Former Member

:yes:^^^^^^^^^^

and i don't know your situation with this at all, but couldn't you try for a job where you are? again sorry if this is the wrong thing to say. but definitely try talking it through with her, and maybe even your parents or sibling if that would also help.

Former Member

It wont be easy, and will probably be quite awkward, but you really should talk to your friend. Tell her what you've told us. In the long run, it sounds like you'll be happier moving back home, and thats what counts, your happiness. At the end of the day, do whats right for you, don't stay put just for your friends sake, because sooner or later, you'll regret it. I'm sure your friend would understand.

Good luck with it.

Former Member

Do what you think is right and talk to your friend about it.

Former Member

If you movehome you need to move home as your own person. Sure, you'll be living at your parents but you can go back a more mature and sorted person. Offer them some rent (Less than you are paying now) - it'll prove to them that you are a responsible person (will you have a job) and it will also give you some control. They won't be able to criticise and control you if they are being paid some money.

Sounds like your friend is being manipulative, she seems to be keeping you where you don't really want to be with emotional blackmail and bullying. Basically she is making things so hard for you thay you don't seem to be able to do what is right for you and so you are putting her first. There comes a time when you have to put yourself first.

And....it doesn't matter if your parents are disappointed with you so long as you are not disappointed with yourself.

Former Member

If I was in your situation babe, I would firstly talk to my m8. Even if she got cross I would sit her down and talk like adults not kids. I would then talk to my parents, see what the deal is with them. It may be that they don't want u to come home for different reasons and therefore the option will no longer be there. If ur m8 starts havin a go, jus don't yell back. She will calm down if she is as shy as u say. If she agrees that u can go home, why not find her a room m8 that she gets on wiv. U can't be her only friend. It may be that sum1 else is lookin for a place. Anyway, what ever u do babe, I wish u the besta luck. Mwah xxx Moo xxxx

Former Member

Hey

You've been given a whole heap of good advice already, here's my two pence, for what it's worth

If going home means you will take better care of yourself and be taken care of, right now, from the snippets I've picked up from your posts over the past few weeks/ months that may be a wise idea. You need to get on that level footing so that you can then deal with whatever it is that has been making your life so hard lately.

If, on the otherhand going home will simply exacerbate those issues then maybe it's not the best plan, there may even be a plan c where you move out of living with your friend and don't go home...but at the end of the day, as you realise, only you can know what is best for you now.

I do really think you should find a counsellor or decent helpline to talk through all your stuff with, it could help more than you know.

Take care sweetie

Susie