If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
How can I make it good for her?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, I could really do with some advice from you very friendly people. See, my girlfriend and I have just started having sex (don't worry, we are both STD free and she has been taking the pill for months). She is my first sexual partner (although she's had one previous) and having talked about the issue weeks ago, she told me that she has never got any pleasure from sex or sexual contact, never had an orgasm, and sometimes used to fall asleep on her previous boyfriend during the act...just what a young trainee needs to hear eh?
Anyway, I did my research (The Site, bought a book from Amazon too). To be honest, I wasn't even bothered about my pleasure, I just wanted to keep my erection, last for at least 10 minutes and try and make it good for her. As it turns out, I did the first two of those things and actually enjoyed it myself but am afraid it still didn't do much for her. I mean, I didn't expect to be "King Stud" on my first time and that but having done some research, taken ages on foreplay so we were both really wet and put in a ton of effort I was hopeful that she might feel something! Kind of left me feeling a little bit disheartened. At least she stayed awake...
Anyway, the worst thing is that she says she loves me and doesn't care about sex. I quote her, "It's not your fault it's just me. Sex is a man thing, as long as your happy that's all that matters to me because I love you". I guess this is some blokes' dream - I mean she said I can jump on her anytime, be as quick to orgasm as I like (in fact she hinted that the quicker the better, then she can get to sleep quicker!) and I don't need to concern myself with her pleasure. But it sucks. I want her to enjoy it. For my first time I'm certainly happy with what happened, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. Waiting to have sex was definitely worth it but now it's done I'm ONLY concerned with making it good for her. So I guess what I'm asking from you guys is whether you have any advice that's not on the factsheets, any stories from experience, anything that isn't the stuff that I've already read. I've thought about discussing with her the vibrator route, but it does seem as if I'm giving up too easily if I do that - plus as stupid as it seems, I really don't want my confidence knocking like that so early into my sex life! Short of a magic wand though, I really don't know what to do and it's very frustrating because I'm usually good at giving advice to others! So c'mon all you Siters, help out a man in need! Please :cool:
Oh, and for all you cheeky buggers out there, I'm of reasonable size so it's not that!
Anyway, I did my research (The Site, bought a book from Amazon too). To be honest, I wasn't even bothered about my pleasure, I just wanted to keep my erection, last for at least 10 minutes and try and make it good for her. As it turns out, I did the first two of those things and actually enjoyed it myself but am afraid it still didn't do much for her. I mean, I didn't expect to be "King Stud" on my first time and that but having done some research, taken ages on foreplay so we were both really wet and put in a ton of effort I was hopeful that she might feel something! Kind of left me feeling a little bit disheartened. At least she stayed awake...
Anyway, the worst thing is that she says she loves me and doesn't care about sex. I quote her, "It's not your fault it's just me. Sex is a man thing, as long as your happy that's all that matters to me because I love you". I guess this is some blokes' dream - I mean she said I can jump on her anytime, be as quick to orgasm as I like (in fact she hinted that the quicker the better, then she can get to sleep quicker!) and I don't need to concern myself with her pleasure. But it sucks. I want her to enjoy it. For my first time I'm certainly happy with what happened, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. Waiting to have sex was definitely worth it but now it's done I'm ONLY concerned with making it good for her. So I guess what I'm asking from you guys is whether you have any advice that's not on the factsheets, any stories from experience, anything that isn't the stuff that I've already read. I've thought about discussing with her the vibrator route, but it does seem as if I'm giving up too easily if I do that - plus as stupid as it seems, I really don't want my confidence knocking like that so early into my sex life! Short of a magic wand though, I really don't know what to do and it's very frustrating because I'm usually good at giving advice to others! So c'mon all you Siters, help out a man in need! Please :cool:
Oh, and for all you cheeky buggers out there, I'm of reasonable size so it's not that!
0
Comments
Most women dont achieve an orgasm by through sex- unless theie partner is experienced. Stimulate her a lot through Oral sex first, let her build it up so to speak-
Mopst of the fun is learning what does what for each other-
Ask her what position she likes, then start using other things in the months that follow her playing with herself too as you fuck her a clit tickler, blindfold cuffs etc:
Best advice would just be to talk about it to her- thats how I have always achieved best results in the past!
Dont feel put down, just dont worry about it and it will come natural!
love kandy x
wow i don't know what to say because she's in the totally wrong frame of mind, it doesn't even sound like she's bothered about having an orgasm. it's hard enough for blokes to learn how each woman works and what they like but that's usually when a girl knows what she wants and how she wants it.
perhaps you could tell her you want to give her an orgasm and just stick to fingering for now. i'm presuming that you know what to do since you've been reading up on it. it might take her a while to actually get there though. but i know i wouldn't orgasm if i just lay there and didn't think about it and wanted it all to be over so... hmmm
ive not been much help sorry.
what i'd do first is sit down with her and have a chat about why she feels the way that she does.
it could just be that she's really not that into sex, and she will do it because she knows it makes you happy, but for no other reason.
but there could be another reason behind it, something that you might be able to sort out, or at least understand, and from there you can work on the whole sex thing.
but don't think that just because all the girls on here claim to be at it like rabbits, that all girls are like that.
i am not a rabbit..although i wouldnt mind owning one;)
What?:eek2:
maybe she means a vibrator?
well im hoping she did anyway! poor bunny rabbit
oh.my.god.
zella. yes thats right zella. of all people did not get a rampant rabbit reference??? :eek:
i think i read more magazine too much.
makin love to a beautiful woman is like readin a forum...
first you have to slowly strip down to a thread
read the signs...think a little... maybe do some research.. before gently puttin your feelings across in a mild manner answering all her questions....
then when your ready you hit the right buttons and wait for the reply!
:thumb:
you make me giggle babe
Tickle the bottom of her back or summat, talk dirty etc..
indeed i did.not into fucking bunnies im afraid..just does nothing for me
(reassuringly!)
Whoops, i thought it might be that...but then i didnt know for sure
oh and also
Talk to her about it, and try to find out why. She might have had a bad experience, her parents might be really prudish, she might be stressed and depressed. Sex for women is mostly mental (which is why some girls can come just by thinking about sex) so if something is stopping her mentally enjoying sex then she will just lie there and wait for it to be over. Which isn't very plesant for either party.
Talking is the way forward, as always. And if you are not ready to be talking about sex deeply then you are not ready to be having sex.
So you're not Mick Hucknall then!
Poor rabbit!
:crying: wrong!