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Most important decision of my life
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, I've got to sum this up in a short post, but with enough details to give people a chance to help.
I feel really selfish because I'm still in love with my ex (since last month), while she's suddenly engaged to another guy we used to go to school with. I think she's rushed into it, and I don't think she should do it, she's only been out with him for a few weeks and she knows I still love her. And she tells me she still has strong feelings for me and wants to stay friends with me forever. But I just can't be happy for her with him, because I can't help hating him for ruining my life (and it was his fault we broke up).
Tonight, they both found out I still love her, and practically everyone else knows anyway, but I care about her so much and I don't want to make things any more confusing for her. All I really want is for her to be happy, but her seeing her happy with him just feels like being stabbed in the heart.
So next time I see her, there's going to be a huge, very important talk about everything. And as I said, I don't want to confuse things for her and I don't want to make her feel guilty or to worry about me, but everytime I hear his name or see him, I just can't help but to feel sick. It all brings back happy memories of when we were together, and how that's never going to happen again.
So right now I need to decide what to do. I either tell her I can't stand her being with him and I feel sick just thinking of him, or I try to convince her not to worry about me and to enjoy every moment she spends being happy with him. Either way, I don't expect or really want them to break up, to be honest, I don't know what I want. But I really need to talk to her about it.
I feel really selfish because I'm still in love with my ex (since last month), while she's suddenly engaged to another guy we used to go to school with. I think she's rushed into it, and I don't think she should do it, she's only been out with him for a few weeks and she knows I still love her. And she tells me she still has strong feelings for me and wants to stay friends with me forever. But I just can't be happy for her with him, because I can't help hating him for ruining my life (and it was his fault we broke up).
Tonight, they both found out I still love her, and practically everyone else knows anyway, but I care about her so much and I don't want to make things any more confusing for her. All I really want is for her to be happy, but her seeing her happy with him just feels like being stabbed in the heart.
So next time I see her, there's going to be a huge, very important talk about everything. And as I said, I don't want to confuse things for her and I don't want to make her feel guilty or to worry about me, but everytime I hear his name or see him, I just can't help but to feel sick. It all brings back happy memories of when we were together, and how that's never going to happen again.
So right now I need to decide what to do. I either tell her I can't stand her being with him and I feel sick just thinking of him, or I try to convince her not to worry about me and to enjoy every moment she spends being happy with him. Either way, I don't expect or really want them to break up, to be honest, I don't know what I want. But I really need to talk to her about it.
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Comments
You need space. Lots and lots of space. It should help you clear your mind a bit and sort things out. If / when you talk to her - don't hold things back that you need to get out in the open because then you'll never move on. But at the same time don't go overboard on her. You only need to use her as a sounding board to get things off your chest and see what she has to say, then you can walk away. You don't need to say to her "i think you should stay with him" or anything like that because it's her decision anyway and I doubt anything you say to her will affect it either way.
Go to the green fields with long grass. Usually sorts my head out
when you tell her how you feel be honest, bcos uve gotta get all this stuff off your chest, otherwise it will just drag you down.
also, try not to worry about confusing her too much, bcos at the end of the day if she loves this new guy enough to be engaged to him after only a few weeks, then she must be certain about her feelings. If you tell her you still have feelings for her+she gets all confused, then she's obviously not as happy with her new guy as she thinks.
it may be a possibility that she's on the re-bound with this guy, to get over you, as she still has strong feelings for you??
just be honest, because if she really does still care for you and wants to be friends with you 4eva, then she'll accept how you feel and either try to move on, or try and work things out for herself.
hope this helps, and sorry for rambling