no judging allowed

Former Member

Yes, that is right, please no mean comments, its not as if I enjoy posting personal questions...

So lately I hate sex. Yes I do. I don't hate the feeling or anything, I just hate it because it is gross. I've always kinda felt this way, but its become quite prominent lately. So yes, as I was saying, I find it gross. Pretty much everything about it. The faces that are made, the smell, and oh my god the mess. Nothing is worse than that. I've always refused if I can to not have sex withought a condom for the sole purpose that its messy and gross and icky and I emmensly hate that. Blow jobs, done it a couple times and won't do it again. The thought of putting something that pees into somewhere that I eat makes me want to puke, and I will. And I refuse to let a guy do that to me. Handjobs, no. I've gotten precum on my hand a couple times and I run right off to the washroom to wash it off. So sex is always a careful clean thing I try it to be, but its just kind of gotten worse lately. Pretty much to the point where sex doesn't even exist with me anymore. I could go the rest of my life without it.

Now its not like I'm a psychotically clean person. Hell there are days when I will grab a plate that "looks" clean and use it because I need a plate to eat. Half of my bed is filled with dirty clothes. Cleanliness is not a problem in my everyday life. But I don't know dude...

Former Member

If you dont want to have sex, then dont.

but if you do want to but dont feel like it. this can be resolved by going to talk to a professional about it (ie your doctor)

all of these problems can be resolved with help from a professional. So, don't throw in the towel. Your sex life is like any other skill - work at it and it will get better.

Former Member

The very things that you don't like about sex are some of the things that most people love about sex.
The mess, the stickiness, the slipperiness, the sights and smells. And there is the whole naughtiness angle too - the thought of stroking, sucking, and licking someone's sexual organs. The whole idea of doing something that some consider dirty - and thought of as dirty due to the mess, smell, and as you've pointed out - that it's the same places you pee from.
That taboo edge, and idea, fostered by society, is all a part of the excitement of sex. It's just a pity it's gone too far and become more of a revulsion for you.

I don't know what sort of advice to give really. Obviously you have a problem with something that is quite natural, and that most people find quite natural to do, and enjoy. It's just a way of thinking about it. I don't know what to say to make you start thinking of it in a better way. You need to talk to someone who knows more about the psychology of sex and sexuality. There are sexual therapists, but I suppose they'd cost a fortune, and with no guaranteed result.

I can understand some of your problems with it. The smell afterwards (especially a few hours afterwards), can be a bit whiffy, but it's not off putting to myself, and the smell actually triggers off the whole thought of sex, getting me excited again. As for touching, licking, sucking, parts of the body that are used to pee with, well, as long as they'e clean then it's just like any other piece of skin anywhere on the body - at least that's how I look at it.

Former Member

Hey there

First off, good on you for plucking up the courage to open up and talk about this. It's never easy to talk about personal issues, but it can often help to get things sorted in your own head if you open up to others.

I do think it would help you a lot to do this more often, which is why I am suggesting that you seek some counselling. Issues like this are often part of a bigger problem and being able to explore them in a private and confidential environment where you know no one will judge you will be a huge relief - and hopefully help you to enjoy sex more in the future.

Read this feature all about sex and relationship therapy - it explains what to expect and how to find a good therapist through an organisation such as the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy www.basrt.org.uk

If you want soemthing on a more local level, you could try calling Get Connected - a free helpline finding young people the best help whatever the problem. Available anywhere in the UK, 1pm-11pm every day. Can provide a free connection to any local or national service, or text information to mobiles.
Helpline: 0808 808 4994

Whatever you do, please don't expect the problem to just go away. If you take a few steps now it could make all the difference.

Good luck

Hannah Spanner x

Former Member

But shes in America...

Former Member

lowered sex drive is a common side effect of anti depressants, that could be whats causing it :yes: you could ask your doc about it?

Former Member

have you tried it in the shower. Its quite clean and you can wash all the smells etc. away straight after. Maybe a big huge bath would be a good one for you. (But only if your on the pill because water can get into the condom etc and cause pregnancy, sti's) .
I hate giving blowjobs but using flavoured condoms I find it much better (and tastier!) Good Luck . JX

Former Member

Be a nun!

ClaireBear

Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
But shes in America...

Ah, and there in lies the rub....

my_name - there's a website called Go Ask Alice that's USA based thay may be able to help you.

Sorry we can't be as specific for the USA as we are for the UK but we're UK based so don't have the right information to hand.

CB