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Your break-ups

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Everyone will go through a break up at some point in their lives, but who has been in a very serious relationship and woke up one day not feeling happy? did you find find you made the right decision or do you still regret it to this day? and if you were the one breaking up with your partner, was your partner expecting it? shocked? upset? Where do you start breaking up with someone that you still love but cant see the relationship moving on much longer?
Sorry 4 all the questions! Hope you can help though. Thanx x

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i broke off an engagement once. we had been together for 3 years and engaged for one.

    it wasn't that i woke up one day and thought 'i don't live him anymore'. it was more gradual. i started having doubts about it midway through the relationship, but told myself that i should be glad to have him, and ignored them. a few months before i finally worked up the courage to leave him, i was desperately unhappy. finally i just thought 'i can't spend the rest of my life like this'.

    he wasn't expecting it at all and was really upset. even worse, i was staying with him for the weekend (we were at different unis) and had the choice to either tell him on the friday night, and have to stay the night in a tiny room with him, or pretend things were ok, and do it just before i left on the saturday night. it was most uncomfortable.

    and no, i don't regret it at all. i was very upset at the time, i think i cried more that he did, but i never regretted it for a second from the moment i told him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Your break-ups
    Originally posted by **Cinderella**
    who has been in a very serious relationship and woke up one day not feeling happy? did you find find you made the right decision or do you still regret it to this day? and if you were the one breaking up with your partner, was your partner expecting it? shocked? upset? Where do you start breaking up with someone that you still love but cant see the relationship moving on much longer?

    I was with my ex for 3 years, we split up a few times but always got back together but in the end I decided that I had to finish it for good cos I just wasn't happy. I definately made the right decision and I don't regret it at all, if you're not happy there really isn't any point in staying with someone. I did regret it for a while though, when I thought I was never going to meet anyone else etc etc But you do and then you forget why you were even staying with the other person in the first place! I still like my ex as a mate but it wouldn't have worked out cos he's so stubborn and I know that I would only have ever done what he wanted and nothing that I wanted in life. He was upset but I don't think he was too shocked, we were living about 130+ miles away from each other at the time and I think we could both see that it wasn't working anymore.

    Good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Your break-ups
    Originally posted by **Cinderella**
    Everyone will go through a break up at some point in their lives, but who has been in a very serious relationship and woke up one day not feeling happy? did you find find you made the right decision or do you still regret it to this day? and if you were the one breaking up with your partner, was your partner expecting it? shocked? upset? Where do you start breaking up with someone that you still love but cant see the relationship moving on much longer?
    Sorry 4 all the questions! Hope you can help though. Thanx x

    My ex of just over a yera kept dumping me for no reason. I decided to leave it though. But I think the fact she had me beaten up and run off kind of helped me along. Oh, and the accusations of rape.

    Infact, I'd had more than enough of her bullshit.

    Hope that helps.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    with ben and angus there wasnt really a day when i was like 'im bored'
    but there were loads of signs like i tried to make other plans to avoid seeing them etc.
    in my opinion if you're not happy you should leave.
    i still get twangs for both of them but its ancient history now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My ex of 2 years dumped me 2 months ago, she started fucking someone else almost straight away, how nice of her:(

    Aint letting it bother me anymore, im better than her and im meeting a girl i really like on sat:D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wasnt happy for a few months, i didnt want to hurt him but at the same time when i was with him, i wanted to be anywhere else. Started spending more time with his friends than i actually spent with him. Despite that i still wanted to be with him. After a few months of that one day i woke up and relaised i wanted out.

    I told my fella, on holiday (which wasnt the best time to tell himseeling as we had two weeks together!) but i did i felt it was better oto be honest. He refused to let me dump him, talked me into leaving it till we got back from holiday and then see how i felt. So on the plane home i told him i loved him but still didnt want to be with him, like i really couldnt be with him. The relationship seemed like routine, we were hurting each other and i wanted more He was very upset but understood.

    After two months he got a lot worse i could see how much i hurt him, he changed completly he just wasnt himself anymore and in a way seeing how much he clearly loced me made me want to get back with him. I felt so shit for what i had done that i thought about it loads and loads and then one day just asked him to take me back.

    Still together now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't generally divulge break up details - I don't think its fair on either partner really
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I made this post, not expectin so many people to reply having gone through a break up of being together such a long time. Im actually having doubts about my two and half relationship. At the moment i will only class them as doubts and im afraid to act upon them really. Ive talked, he doesnt listen and ive talked to him again and he never seems to make the effort to change things.
    I think one of the final straws came the other night when he started laying down the law about who he will let me stay with when i move away to university. He text me this morning saying he wasnt speaking to me, which didnt bother me at all. He then came round like nothing was wrong-so now im stuck again on what to do.If he hadnt have turned up at my house acting normal then i would have left it and TRIED to not get in touch, for however long that would have lasted. I just cant help but feel that i would be losing something so special.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like he was a bit immature in "laying down the law", and has since realised that he has been.
    Moving to Uni will stress your relationship, and many people have broken up over time, but just as many people's relationships survive it. You've got a 50/50 chance that it will endure.
    If his behaviour was a one off, then I'd say you have a reasonable chance.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dear Kaffrin
    "And the award for saying the most hypoctitical sentance EVER to be uttered by womankind goes to..... Kaffrin!!!":
    was very upset at the time, i think i cried more that he did.

    Having been on both sides of this one, let me re-assure you by saying that he had a MUCH more painful ride than you did. It's just the way of the world... dumpings are much more painful on the dumpee than the dumper.

    That you saw none comes as no surprise: When you told him, it was such an emotional shock that it hadn't really sunken in yet. It probably just took a few weeks for it all to really sink in, and since you live in different Unis you were well out of the immediate blast radius when he went to pieces.

    Whilst I am being a complete pig up on my pedestal, let me re-dress the balance somewhat by saying that from your account of the breakup you handled it very, very well indeed. If you had told him on the friday you would have put him (and yourself) through utter torture for the rest of the weekend. The distance also no-doubt made the breakup much swifter and MUCH less painful than it would have been if the two of you were living at the same uni.

    "the award for a good well timed and clean breakup goes to.... Kaffrin!" :)

    Let me get back on course by actually answering the question stated at the beginning of this message board:

    Where do you start breaking up with someone that you still love but cant see the relationship moving on much longer?

    Here's Dr Smith's Guide to non-weasely dumping-101

    WHERE?:
    Meet face to face somewhere neutral (but private!!!!) so you can walk away after you are done and come clean with it.

    WHEN?:
    As soon as possible.

    HOW????:
    Tell them that you want to break up and WHY.... Don't give any false hopes that this breaking up is a passing thing and you might get back together, be straight, and direct.

    When you have finished dropping your bombs, the best thing to do is to get out of the blast radius as soon as possible. Give them space.... LOTS OF SPACE. Don't keep calling or visiting to try to make it easier on them. The only way to make the pain go away is to get back together with them!

    Some obvious Don'ts:
    Dont:
    *Dump them over the internet
    *Give in to the tears of your (soon to be) ex, make up and have sex (hence the neutral place)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    gawd. read what i wrote. i said i was very upset. which i was. i said i cried more than him, which i did. nowhere did i say i was hurt more by the breakup than him. i don't actually know, we never discussed it.

    i love the way you presumed to know everything about my relationship though. that entertained me. for all you knew he could have been cheating on me anyway and was actually pleased when i ended it.

    and for the record, i did tell him on the friday. i'm not in the business of lying to people, and i couldn't have gone the whole night pretending to be in love with him still when i blatantly wasn't. as it happened, that gave us more time to talk things through, and by the time i left, i think we were on reasonably good terms.

    i've been on both sides of a break up too, and the only thing i can say for sure is that just like no two relationships are the same, no two breakups are the same either.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by dr_smith
    Dear Kaffrin
    "And the award for saying the most hypoctitical sentance EVER to be uttered by womankind goes to..... Kaffrin!!!"

    Dear dr_dipshit

    "And the award for making the moronically stupid EVER to grave this site (and I include fat_mike in this) goes to...dr_dipshit!!!

    And the same goes for the other 72 pieces of verbual effluence you have inflicted on us.
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