help!girlfriend problems.....(as if you dont hear enough of them)

Former Member

Hey there people, long time no speak,

anyways heres my dillemma:

My girlfriend goes to a boarding school, and so shes away for 3 weeks and back for 1 weekend, n shes back for all the school hols as well.

she came back 3 weeks ago for a w/e and said that shed come down to my village too see me........she neva came down, instead i had to go and see her. fair enough, no problems.....

Now shes just come back for a week off, n i respect that she has too see her family and friends and everything....but i mean i would think she should make time for me, am i right???

So with a bit of planning she said she would come down on monday(yesterday)

......The time got to about 3pm and her brother (my friend) rang her, she then said to him that "she cant come dwn".....fair enuf, i was slightly annoyed as we had planned it,but could live with it.

Then she said shed come down 2day(tuesday).....yet again, she couldnt come down and i had had to ring her to find out where she was, she hadnt bothered too ring me to say that she could come as she didnt have enough money.

So she said she would meet us at a pub inbetween,(same day tuesday) as her and her mate wanted a meal???? So i was thinking well if she can afford to get half way, and afford to get a meal, then why cant she come down to gainford??

So later on she sed shed come dwn tonight (tuesday)....but she couldnt come down, as she was staying at her mates house

......so consequently she says she is coming down tommorow at 4pm, then shes got to go at 6pm.

Anyways later on on msn i asked if she could stay any longer or come earlier and she sed no, because shes got a hair appointment early afternoon, and shes going to some lads house party on the nite, so i asked (politley) if i would be able to go with her....... She said that i probably wont be able to and that itd b better off if she just saw me on the day, so i said what about doing both? So she said she would ring the person whos house party it was and see what he said........ 5minutes later she said the lad had said i cudnt go because loads of people are going, and he was annoyed because people kept asking him if they could go....which is fair enough, but im not 100% sure she actually rang him, for some reason i have an inciling she didnt ring him.

I mean i respect that she has too see her mates, and see her parents and everything, but i dont find it all that amusing that she says shes going to do something and doesnt, and not even have the desency to tell me......?

Anyways do any of you have any good ideas of what i can do or say to make all my problems magically disappear.....? Without resorting to "finish it" or "talk to her" as i know i havnt talked to her, but when (if) she comes down tommorrow, i shall talk to her about it, and if she doesnt come down, i will have to do it over the phone.......unfortunatley as i prefer to do it face to face as its not as easy to get away from the topic (i.e phone down, not reply to txts/email)

Any help would be greatly appreciated.......

Cheers

Adam

P.S im really sorry if any of this essay (lol) is written in "txt talk" its just that i c+p'd it from msn as i was talking to one of my mates about it and couldn't be bothered to re-write it all out again.

Former Member

But bluntly Adam, I think she's messing you around. She conveniently has no money but can afford to go to a party (and would probably need to take drinks which cost money) and a pub lunch. But your village is too far for her, but she'll go half way on her terms but not for you.

Then she never calls, and conveniently has other plans. Maybe it's me, but this party - isn't it polite to let a guests partner come along?

Don't talk to her about it, just dump her. If she can play you now, she'll do it again. You can't mean a lot to her if she keeps cancelling with no explanation, and puts everyone else first. Do you really want a girlfriend like that?

Edit: There is nothing you can do mate because she's made the effort not to talk, not to see you or anything like that. Youd only be fed more excuses. Show her you're in charge and drop her faster than a hot potato. If she's upset and wants you back tell her she can't mess you about - (she could have text you because if she called this guy she had credit, right) and tell her you're not happy with putting you last. You're her boyfriend. And she shouldn't be going to a guy's party without you, instead of seeing you.

Former Member

yes, i see your reasoning behind that reply, she always seems to give an excuse......she rings me nion every night (as shes on contract not pay as you go) and used too txt all the time when we starting going out......but now her excuse to begin with was that she had no free txts, and then it was that she wasnt getting my txts.......even though shed just got a new phone, and everyone else gets my txts......???

I think i should talk to her about it tommorrow and see.....but then again, your idea seems a good one too, as if she has been messing me about and doesnt care, then she wont be bothered will she........the only bugger is i took her out on valentines night and spent £60 odd on her and myself.......i.e meal,cinemas, club.....and im only 16....thats a lot of money for a secondary school student!! lol

Thanks for the advice.......anymore would be helpful

Cheers

Adam

Former Member

My ex did this to me all the time. I learnt from my mistakes and I know the excuses.

Using her contract mins on you is like using her money. Otherwise she's paying per month but not always using it. Not getting texts and stuff..well; that's handy isn't it.

Chances are she's texting other folk which is why she runs out of free ones.

Also, why would she just stop calling you? Either she's with other folk, or she's not as interested anymore. If my ex didn't call or text for a few days, I'd turn up. Surprise surprise who was there..

Anyway, what gets me is how chicks play guys, and don't get named. When a guy plays, he is a playa. When women complain they get named for being slags, funny how the neglect the fact they don't get branded a playa. Bahhhh.

Former Member

I hate to be blunt, but this girl is taking the piss. Talk to her and find out why she is being a stupid bitch, and if the reason isn't Pretty Damn Good then get rid.

She doesn't seem to have the same commitment that you do, so why waste any more time on her? If she can't be arsed then she's not worth the effort, sad as it is to have to say that.

Former Member

tell her to shit off mate.
don't bother talking to her cus i know your soft and will get fed a load of excuses you will believe.

i know exactly what your goin through. this happened with my last girl and she lived 30 secound walk away!

gd luck

Former Member

i agree with every1 else - DUMP HER!!!
she's no good for you mate, u deserve far better if you are good enough to go ringing her up everyday. it sounds to me like you're the only 1 keeping this relationship going + it taskes 2 to make things work.
seems to me like she's messing you about + she may be 2-timing you (sorry mate, just trying to be honest ):)
i know it sounds bad, but you are better off without her. set her straight+let her know you're putting your foot down!!
(gggrrr, people like that make me so mad :mad: :mad: )
hope it gets sorted, keep us posted

Former Member

Yeah I'm gonna have to be blunt and say dump her too.

I went out with a lad and things were great. He text me and called me pretty much every day and I saw him whenever we were both free. A few months later and it was me doing all the rining, all the texting and making all the effort. That's exactly what you're doing at the moment mate.

The excuses that she comes up with are probably just that...excuses. The party excuse is a classic. I doubt very much that she did ring the person who's party it was, I suspect that she just wanted to go on her own without you.

I'm sorry to say it but I think this relationship has run it's course. She doesn't want to see you anymore and is just too afraid to tell you so...hence the excuses.

Dump her, cheer up and go and have a good time with your mates!
*Hugs and good luck*
Hx

Former Member

Dear L.A.D.

There is nothing more weasily than someone who can't bring themselves to say "I'm sorry, but it isn't working. It isn't personal, it's just I can't deal with the distance."

What she is hoping is that you will get tired of all this ignoring and dump her. (I did this for my first breakup, and I deserve to get througilly beaten for doing it.)

She is also hoping that you will dump her over the phone and not have to go through with meeting face to face...... because she is a yellow bellied coward (and isn't really worth all this anguish)

I am very sorry to say that there is nothing you can say to make it all magically better and return it to where it was, because it seems that she has already made her decision.

The good news is that the reason that she is putting off dumping you is that she is fond of you and doesn't want to hurt you... but sadly she doesn't want to be your girlfriend anymore.

As evidence for this I point to all the lame excuses she's been giving you. I was particularly disgusted by "I am having my hair cut".... what kind of loving girlfriend puts off seeing her boyfriend that she hasn't seen for nearly a month to get a quick re-style???

You need to realise that it is over, and it is the 3 weeks you spent apart, not anything personal that caused this to happen.

You have two options:

1.) Let her off the hook and dump her.

2.) Leave her dangling like a worm on a hook... she will get up the courage to dump you sooner or later (probably over MSN or email, because she doesn't even have to listen to your reaction)

Personally I'd go for a hybrid form of 1.)

Meet her face to face and say essentially 'you've been ignoring me... is this because you want to dump me? If so, why?'

Face to face means that she can't make ANOTHER lame excuse and put the phone down on you. She owes you a frank talk, and also a straight answer as to why she doesn't want to go out with you anymore (although at 16 she may not have realised this yet).

Hopefully you can learn from her mistakes and not do the same to someone else in the future.

Good luck mate....

~Dr Smith

Former Member

Just going on your other thread mate, she's 15?

Aye - leave it, get shut of her and get somebody else! Or, be single like myself and do what you want, when you want! Superb!

G.

Former Member

Originally posted by xXxHelzxXx
Yeah I'm gonna have to be blunt and say dump her too.

:yes: me too.

Former Member

i agree with else, get rid of her.

you obviously don't deserve anyone who is going to treat you like that.

can i ask how long you've been going out?

Former Member

Hate to say it, but from what you've said, the relationship is on the rocks. From what you've said, you always go out of the way to see her, spend time with her, etc, yet she doesn't seem to want to make any effort to be with you. That's a bad sign.
What to do? Talk to her. You've got to talk to her (preferably as you say - face to face), and find out what the problem is. No doubt she'll throw a wobbly and try to make out it's all your fault, but if you've told us everything, then it doesn't sound like it is.

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

Well she rang me last night, out of all the nights in the week, she chose last night after a session round the town.........:rolleyes:

I said to her that i didnt think it was working and she agreed, and so i said we can either start a fresh, or just finish it, and she said just finish it as shes going back to school and so wont see me for ages. She then apologised for not seeing me but said that she wasnt solely to blame for not seeing me, as supposedly i never went through too see her??? Although i did......couldnt be bothered too argue, so i agreed.....

Actually im sorta gutted about not going with her anymore, but for a first im actually glad too as i wont be getting messed about anymore.....:)

Now the arguments are kicking off because i want my zippo lighter back that i gave to her.......i wouldnt normally be bothered, its just it was a gift of my dad and i hardly see him as it is (like 6 weeks a year i see him) and so she decided to call me a "shockin bastard" and that im "bitter" and she doesnt want to be mates with me if im going to be bitter about us breaking up.......

I wont see her at all hardly.....e.g. if shes back i may see her in a club/pub, but she goes out on a saturday night and i go on a friday, n the places she goes to i tend not too as there crap. So even though i want to be friends with her, it doesnt bother me that much if im not.

Cheers for the advice people, only wish id took it earlier in the week and finished it then!:(

Former Member

good lad. it'll get loads better