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I LIKE HER LOADS! (not physically tho?!?!?)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i've been with my g/f for 10 months and she's perfect for me in every way imaginable basically. the only thing is that i dnt find her that attractive, i rarely think of her in a sexual way although we do have sex and it dnt make me sick or nuffin.it hasnt just got that way coz we been 2getha for a bit and now im bored, i've neva realy fancied her like dat but just went out with her coz we got on so well, i spose thats the most important fing neway. its not that i cant even bring myself to kiss or touch her coz im so unattracted, she just dont really do it for me in a sexual way. i know that personality is more important than looks but i just feel im missing out on having a g/f who i just wana rip her clothes off.i spose u all gonna tell me to stay with her coz it is personality that counts most but...

...wot shud i do?
<IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nah, I'm gonna tell you to finish with her so she can find someone who appreciates her as you obviously dont.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find it funny how your message says you like her loads yes the whole message is about how much you dont like her. to me that proves that you have no respect for the girl and she obviously deserves better than you. being physically attracted to someone means very little at the end of the day, sooner you realise that, the sooner you can learn to respect girls and not just want to go out with someone who makes you want to rip their clothes off
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How can you be with someone for 10 months that you do not fancy? For a relationship you need attraction and respect. You do not appear to have either of these things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by * k-t *:
    <STRONG>How can you be with someone for 10 months that you do not fancy? For a relationship you need attraction and respect. You do not appear to have either of these things.</STRONG>

    do both of you a favour and break up with her. But, don't tell her it's because she is ugly, thats the last thing she wants to hear, and you'll look like a shit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Split up with her. You don't deserve her. You've effectively 'strung her along' for a good long while and I'd put money on the fact she blatantly knows you don't fancy her so you more than likely make her feel like shite anyway. But hey, it's just an opinion
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so u have sex with some 1 u don't fancy?
    i dare say a few blokes do that when they R drink 4 1 night stands, but 2 do that 10 months is really bad

    sorry 2 kick a man when he is down, but u got 2 finish it with this girl, it the kindest thing u can do for her, i mean how u like it if a girl stayed with u 4 10 months and didn't find u sexy or want U?

    dump this girl and look 4 a girl who u want 2 be with, both in mind and body

    hope all works out 4 U
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No way man, physical attraction is an important part of a relationship.

    To love someone..or go out with them/have sex etc in my opinion you need to be attracted to both their personality AND the way they look etc.

    Not in a shallow way as in stay from ugly girls or fat girls, lol..but you need to at least fancy them...

    The girl im goin with has got a lovely personality, shes a great girl and I love her to bits..and physically she's gorgeous, every bloke I know says shes WELL fit..and that does play an important part

    Her personality makes me really happy to spend time with her, and the way she looks does just make me wanna rip her clothes off! lol

    If I was you mate I'd get a new girl and make sure it's someone you like both physically and personality wise, that way you don't end up in these "what do i do" situations.

    Oh well, just my 2 pence worth.

    Good luck,
    Phil <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a controversial post. I don't think you'll be supported much there, Phil.

    But; a relationship needs respect from both sides, otherwise, it's not going to work. If you can't cope with having a stunning girlfriend, then be fair to her. But, you might lose the best friend you ever had? Are looks worth it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I know I just felt like everyone was being a bit hard on him, it's not like he shagged her and left cos she wasnt "fit" enough or anything is it?

    I think he's done the RIGHT thing giving it a go for this long and he obviously respects her or he'd have just cheated with a more stunning bird or something..

    I just feel for a relationship to work there has to be at least _some_ physical attraction there, especially in young relationships..

    Sorry if I offended anyone with previous post....

    Phil. <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Phil, it doesn't matter if other people think your g/f is fit, it matters what you think, surely?

    And once you get to know someone really, you don't really notice how they look (apart from when they have a new haircut or something).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    any chance for girls to have a go at a male they take and they take over and over again!

    how do i not respect her, she's the best person in the world, is it my fault i dont find her that attractive physically? im not stringing her along at all, im not with her coz i fink it'll be funny if i just 1 day outta the blue say "oh sorry ur ugly, bu bye!" im with her coz i get on so well with her and i would miss her more than anyfin if i just went and found sum1 else, which wud be pointless anyway as personality wise ther is no one betta for me.

    i didnt really get too much usefull information really apart from a few people, i mainly just got grief from ppl tryin to make me out as really dis respectful and as though i treat her really bad. but dats opinions for u i spose,i understand that, cheerz anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    is there something she could do which would make her more attractive to you. i.e. dress differently or change her hair or sumin?
    Coz that might mean we can give you some advice on how to change things.
    If you don't wana break up with her then you need to think of solutions to make the relationship better.
    xxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nate,

    I don't envy you. Grief has been given, maybe because you haven't explained yourself vey well. This may be due to the text talk, but that's another post, and another story.

    You have the perfect girlfriend in terms of personality, but she's not stunning. I'm afraid that you're very unlikely to have both, and you have to make the decision which makes the relationship work for you. Without knowing specifics, it's hard, as jelly baby said, to help you in practical terms.

    You seem to be nice enough, and merely expressing an opinion. I understand that, and that's fine, mate, believe me. You also sound as if your decision is made; you think she's the best person in the world for you.

    Her physical attractiveness can be altered, clothes shopping will help the relationship, and might help her, too. Buy her some clothes, for her to dress how you want. I don't know if it will work, but it might help you.

    Enjoy what you have. You will not know its' value until it is gone, trust me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by nate:
    <STRONG>how do i not respect her, she's the best person in the world, is it my fault i dont find her that attractive physically?</STRONG>

    First of all, no it isn't your fault that you don't find her physically attractive. It's not something you can force, I don't think.

    You asked how you were being disrespectful. You are staying with her when you aren't attracted to her, and if she knows this (does she, btw?) it could hurt her a lot. Plus, if you don't sort this out and you end up dumping her, That's 10+ months of her life that she's spent with you, and she'll have a lot of memories and a lot of sadness if you dump her. I'm not saying don't dump her, because if you aren't attracted to her I think you should let her go. It will be hard for her to get over you, because if she's the wonderful person you say she is, she probably cares about you a lot. But she deserves to be with someone who will fully appreciate her. I'm sure if your roles were switched, you would want to be with someone who appreciated you.

    I also think, very sadly, that your friendship is ruined. It will be hard for her to trust you, and she will probably see you staying with her for so long as lying. It will also be hurtful to spend time with you if you dump her.

    I'm sorry. It's not going to be easy for you any time soon. But, best of luck, with whatever decision you make.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I have to agree with K-T you dont seem to have much respect her <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> End it with her so she can find someone who will respect her......
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how do i not respect her???????????????

    im just not that physically attracted to her, thats got absolutly nothing to do with respect, just the way it is. if i respect her more it wont change how i feel towards her physically will it!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you posted your message on here to try get some advice not grief so i'll try and give you some advice.i think your only worried about telling her because you've been together so long so your just used to being together.maybe you should start by talking to her about how you think you could improve the relationship.if nothing improves then i think you should consider breaking up with her.don't just dump it on her because it'll probably break her heart but just hint it to her so when you do finally tell her she's half expecting it anyway.she's still bound to be upset but you could still be really good friends.as you say you get on really well but you just aren't attracted to her so i think you'd be better just as friends
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im not going to tell u that i think that looks are inportant in a relationship do u find ur seif smileing when u think of her and can u live with out the if u can u should spilt and move on <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont agree with people giving you a hard time for feeling the way you do but at least you admitted to it.
    What i fail to understand is why its only now, your questioning you being with her. if you dont want to break up with her then i dont see the problem, as long as your comfortable with your realtionship, and you dont find her totally "unattractive", then you should carry on the way u are.
    Be carefull not to show her how u feel. If you dont intend to break up with her then theres no need to mention it.
    Hope things go well
    Love
    Jade
    xxxxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just tell her that you love her like a sister, and split up with her, you can still be friends. shes bound to know you dont fancy her and its sooo not fair on her, youre wasting her time. its not your fault, but your hardly going to stay with her forever if you dont fancy her, so why not get it over and done with and try and salvage a friendship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by nate:
    <STRONG>how do i not respect her???????????????

    im just not that physically attracted to her, thats got absolutly nothing to do with respect, just the way it is. if i respect her more it wont change how i feel towards her physically will it!!!</STRONG>


    OK *get into my agony aunt suit...or maybe not*

    When people have said you don't respect her, they mean by having taken her for the ride during 10 months, when really you didn't fancy her/find her attractive...even though you love her to bits its the same thing, coz at the end of the day she was missing a quality that you found vital for the relationship to continue !!! This IS disrespecting her, even though you may not see it. Its a hard situation you're in, because it is nice to know that you tried out a relationship with a friend because you loved their personality, and i give you credit for it! I know my girlfriends are gorgeous, and the guys that come for me, like me for me! (and are obviously attracted to me...i hope)

    Now... I won't measure the importance of looks as this is impossible to do, but at the end of the day (i think personally) even though no one likes to admit it, looks DO play an important role...its just to what extent?...one thing is dating the hunch back of notre damn, and another is complaining because your girlfriend is 10 pounds over your ideal weight, for example. When people marry, they know the looks will fade over the years, and it is the person you will have to live with for the rest of your life, so this is why personality is the most important thing...obviously looks at a young age is sexually appealing.

    I am a person, who tends to go for the character, and once I'm in love with some one's character, that person is automatically the sexiest person on the face of the earth to me....for other people, like you, this might not be so easy. This is why i think you should stop the relationship i.e. the sex, and continue the friendship i.e. everything else, because at the end of the day the only different between a friendship and relationship is the intimacy !! (please feel free to correct me, anyone, who may disagree) and its the friendship you have that is strong. Unfortunately, to go back to a friendship just like that will be very difficult for the obvious reason that she will know you don't want to be intimate with her.

    You might also want to let us in to a little more info, for example, why do you have sex with her? does she have a high sex drive and ask for sex quite often, or is it because you THINK you should keep your side of the relationship 'believable' and that you are actually attracted to her in that way? i.e. just trying to be polite?. If you say you are not attracted to her then you are just disrespecting yourself, but if the above reason applies, then this is nasty, AND disrespectable!

    But hey, good luck......and i hope you don't loose your friend !!! sounds like you have a great friendship <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    just give it a thought mate.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I kinda agree with Phil, if he doesnt fancy her there is no point in going out with her because physical attraction DOES matter!!
    Mind you i dont think you should of strung her along for as long as you have because thats just not nice!!
    I went out with a guy who in my eyes was minging, and it didnt last cos i always thought to myself that i didnt care about the relationship.
    You ashould dump her but do it nicely!
    Luv Lucy xxx
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