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Ingagement!!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
how would you tell your parents that you're getting ingaged??? My boyfriend asked me the other night+i really wanted to say yes, but alls i could worry about was my parents reaction. i really value their opinion (my mum's especially as im closer to her) and would hate it if they started saying stuff like "are you sure??", because it would put doubt in my mind (i dont know why, but its just how i am). They both really really like my b/f, and i 
him more than anything, but i just dont want people to think its the wrong thing to do.
have any of you ever been in this situation before???
please please help, because i really want to be with him+know that'll we'll always be 2geva!!
thank you xx
him more than anything, but i just dont want people to think its the wrong thing to do.have any of you ever been in this situation before???
please please help, because i really want to be with him+know that'll we'll always be 2geva!!
thank you xx
0
Comments
a) how old are you?
b) how long you been with the guy?
c) how old is he?
erm think that's it
Parents are naturally going to be concerned taht you're making the right decision - after all, it's not something to be taken lightly! So I think however you approach the subject, you have to be prepared for them to panic. Still, if you know it's the right thing to do, and they can see that you're happy, then I'm sure they'll be happy for you too.
Edited to add:
Also, listen to your parents. They're older and wiser than you. If you are sure about what you're doing, then there's no harm in hearing them out anywy just to make them happy - but if you aren't 100% sure, they'll have useful words of advice. They've been there before of course, and have much more life experience. So don't just ignore whatever they say just because you don't want to hear it!
Whilst by my own admission, I am more of an expert on lovers who really jerk you around (so tend to see be on the cautious side), I felt moved to give you the following warning/lecture
However, at the end if the day it is *your* life and it is only you (not your parents, goverment, god or internet-posting-board-friends) that have the right to make these choices. If any of these don't like it, it is their problem and they will just have to deal with it.
TheShyBoyInTheCorner has hit the nail on the head, but I would like to propose the following question:
d.) How many relationships have you had before this one?
It takes a few relationships to work out how to make one work, and if this is indeed your first, statistically it has low odds of long term survival, if only because we change so much as we grow older.
Then again, I know of at least two examples of relationships that have so far prooven the above wrong. Whatever the 'odds', this is love, not horse racing. But, I can understand why your parents would be concerned if the answers to the questions are
a.) <20 years old
b.) <1 year
c.) vastly older or younger than you
d.) none.
If any of these answers are close to the truth, you might want to give it some time. You don't have to say 'no', but you could say something like 'I will someday, but I want to give it some time'
On the other, other hand, it's none of my business really
seemed like a good idea at the time, but i had doubts when i said yes (only slight niggly ones like yours - what will other people think, etc.) and after a year i just thought - this is the rest of my life - panicked, and left him.
a lot of young people see engagement as cool, but really, it's the biggest step. don't think about whether you love him now, or will in a year or five years. think if you'll still love him when he's old and wrinkly and quite possibly incontinent and if you can deal with hard times and never putting yourself first and working through everything. think if you could give up ever having those first kiss butterflies the rest of your life. think if you could give up on all the other nice looking guys out there. think if you're prepared to share you life, your whole life, with this guy.
because forever is a really long time.
Bravo! Well put!
~Dr Smith
thank you all for your answers. in answer to ur q's:
a) im 19
b) 9months
c)he's 1 month older than me
d)5 relationships (including one that lasted 2 years)
i think now that my parents would be ok about it, but the fact that ive had doubts perhaps shows that i may not be ready.
i think you had a good point Dr Smith saying "i will, but give it some time"
any other advice????
he he, sorry for the bad spelling also :rolleyes:
party pooper, surely, captain spelling?
An interesting fifth question might be:
e.) How many proper relationships (longer than at least several months!) has your boyfriend had?
As i said, it is not my life, but don't you think that 19 years old is a bit young to get married? Especially if you have only been dating for 9 months.
As kaffrin said, "forever is a long time".
I have a friend who had her boyfriend ask her to marry him after only four months :crazyeyes and she essentially said "I probably will some day, but I don't think I am ready for that yet."
If I was in your situation, I would probably do the same.... lots of couples wear rings as a sign of their love and commitment, but they aren't necessarily hearing wedding bells in their immediate future. Given your current situation, that seems like an entirely reasonable place to be... (However, I am *not* you
But you should DEFINITELY keep the following in mind:
Marriage is legally binding, and once you have signed that register, a breakup can get a lot more complicated than just giving back the ring and dealing with the pain of the breakup!!!! (It usually involves laywers, can be *very* expensive and not something you want to deal with along with all the pain and emotions that get stirred up)
I am not suggesting that this is inevitable, but you should be aware that it is realistically a very possible consequence of getting legally married.
Wait and see. It's the best advice.
What's the old saying again- marry at haste, regret at leisure...
i felt this before i posted here, it just took all your great advice to make me see it more clearly
thank you so much for all your advice and for not judging (i.e. saying stuff like: dont do it, ur waaayyyy 2 young, LOL ):)
cheers
i was thinking of metaphorically 'popping' the balloon - that is the party. dont have a go at me. im leicestershirian
You appear to have spelt "beat me with sticks for" incorrectly there :yes: