First time - couldn't get an erection

Former Member

I was in two minds whether to post this or not, but I just don't know who else to ask advice from. I could never talk to my friends about it.

I've been seeing my girlfriend for about a month now, and we tried to have sex for the first time the other night. It was my first time ever, not sure about her. The worst possible thing happened: I couldn't get a full erection. It took me completely by surprise, it was the last problem I expected to occur. We tried quite a few things and took our time, but it was no good. I did briefly get a full erection, but after putting on the condom I couldn't penetrate her (I was fumbling and couldn't find her 'opening' straight away), and the erection went away.

When we kiss, I often get very aroused, and I also get very aroused thinking about being with her when she's not around. I am fit and healthy, I don't smoke/do drugs and I never have done, I rarely get drunk, and I've never had a problem getting an erection by myself/masturbating (I have quite a high sex drive in that respect). I have no hang-ups about my body. So I don't know why I failed to perform. I am very confused, and a bit scared. I love her, and she was wonderul about it. What worries me the most is that it might happen again the next time we try, and that she'll eventually get fed up with me. I don't want to lose her, especially over this of all things.

Can anyone shed any light on it? Has this happened to anyone else, and how did you get over it? I'm sure (and so is she) that I just wasn't relaxed enough. I just don't know why, because I love being with her and I've been wanting to sleep with her ever since we started going out. We get on really well, we have a great relationship. I am a bit insecure about being a virgin, that is the only 'issue' I have right now. I don't know whether to tell her this or not, either.

I think I just need to forget about what happened (or didn't happen rather) and try to be as relaxed as I can the next time. If anyone can offer any advice, I'd really apreciate it. I'm not feeling very manly right now

Former Member

This happened to my boyfriend the first time we tried to have sex. It's just nerves and i think lots of people have had this experience, they just feel ashamed to talk about it. You were most probably just nervous and you will loose your erection if you are nervous or stress.

Don't worry about it, just relax and it will be much easier

Former Member

Maybe you were just nervous/worried about the whole thing? It's pretty normal don't worry

Former Member

Nerves.

Ilora x

Former Member

Re: First time - couldn't get an erection

Originally posted by anon9394
I've been seeing my girlfriend for about a month now, and we tried to have sex for the first time the other night. It was my first time ever, not sure about her.

You've reached the stage in your relationship where you're ready to have sex but you don't know anything about her past? Shouldn't you get to know her first so that you can relax more and let things happen naturally. Its normal to be nervous so don't worry about it. Everything will work fine when you are ready for it.

Former Member

I've got to agree...I think it was just down to nerves.

If you knew that you were going to sleep together at that particular time then maybe you've been worrying about it for a while and the worry got too much for you.

The only advice to give is...Relax

Former Member

Thanks very much for the advice, you've all put my mind at ease a bit. I did pretty much know that we were going to have sex on that night, and I had been thinking about it (although not in a worried way) for the past couple of days. I guess I just built it up too much.

raver, point taken. I know she has one ex boyfriend, I assume they slept together, but I don't want to press her about it (she's not asked me about my past love life). I know I love her, and we use condoms (well, we tried at least!), that's what matters to me.