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I hate asking for advice :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry but I do. Nothinbg usually comes up in my life that I cant solve but here is the deal. My boyfriiend or fiance whatever you want to call him has handed his notice in work, he wil be leaving in 3 months to move in with me. He lives 100 miles away. However his mum has suggested he move in with him to do his GCSE's as he messed up at school etc. She lives on the south coast. He doesnt know what to do, he will be living there for free and he says he doesnt want a crappy dead end job, he wants a good job with prospects and a better wage for me him and Charlie! (charlie is the name of what our first child will be called, when we have one)
he hasnt decided what to do, hes gona talk about it with his mum then talk to me. He has said if I really dont want him to go he wont. Im just scared he will resent me for it down the line or I will him if he goes. Its more travel time and further away. Ive posted this as Im not gona see him in person until next week and I really need to talk about it, as I dont want to discuss it over the phone with him.
I know he loves me mmore than anything and when he said this t me I was fine with it. However, one of my mates put ideas in my head. When I got home, my mum put me straight but now im all confused.
How do I react to this, this is the first time in my life I dont know what to do :(

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wow. sucktastic.

    i think what he really needs to do is go see a careers advisor or something like that.

    yes getting qualifications would be great for him, but depending what he wants to do he could maybe do something like an apprenticeship where he gets qualified and earns at the same time, and he could afford to live with you.

    if he decides that he wants to move in with his mum, it won't be forever.

    but when he has qualifications and experience, and can afford to support a family, that will be forever, and it'll be worth it.

    i think you knew that anyway though. and yes, it'll be hard, being apart at this point in your relationship is horrid. but it doesn't mean you can't do it. my grandparents spent all of WW2 apart, and now they have been married nearly 60 years.

    if it's gonna happen for you two, it'll happen whether you live together, or are apart.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I think I do know this. Thanks Kaff. I know he misses his mum too and she misses him. I know he wouldnt go if I said dont go but I dont do that. I dont tell people what to and I dont want to start now. Just feel that if he goes he may not want to leave. Think im gona say to him i'll be sad if he does but I want wants best and im here ready for when he is. Whaetver happens me forcing him is not going to make it better for me. Time will tell if it works out or not. If we can get through it then brilliant if not, i'll just have to somehow pull through. Scary thought.

    Just a quick question, how long does it take to do your GCSE's at college?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by VinylVicky
    Just a quick question, how long does it take to do your GCSE's at college?

    i think it would depend on how many you were doing. i wouldn't have thought longer than a year.

    another thing to bear in mind is that you can take GCSEs as correspondence courses and also as evening classes, so if he does decide to move in with you, he could work part time, and study the rest.

    there are loads of options really, you just have to sort out the details between you. and i think it should be a joint decision. maybe he should have more say than you, but you should definitely have your say.

    good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's got three months, that makes it mid May by the time he moves in. More than enough time to check out the courses run by local colleges. Enrolment is in late August, so there's tons of time. If he worked part-time, or to put it a better way, just took on a job/s that meant he didn't work a full week, then he should be able to do three GCSE's in a year without too many problems. Maybe if he limits his hours to 25-30 hrs per week working, then he could do them well, and still have enough time for you and your relationship. Of course, this would make money a bit tight, but worth it once he has the qualifications.
    Which courses? Are we just talking Maths, English, and whatever?

    Mr_Wobble ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We have just had a long chat! He says he wants to move here more than anything and that is what he is going to do. I didnt put pressure on him, we talked about all our options and he thinks this is the best! Thanks Kaff and Mr Wobble :D Everything is sweet again :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh, that's good.

    He could get an unskilled job to keep the money coming in whilst he studied for the qualifications to get further up the ladder- it ook my mum a year to get her GCSEs in an evening course at college, and it's possible to even do graduate courses with the OU part-time, and work the rest.

    I'm sure it'll be fine, just because he's living with you doesn't mean he has to get stuck in dead-end jobs. Start getting the prospectuses for the local HE colleges if he's serious, and he can start in September :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit
    Oh, that's good.

    He could get an unskilled job to keep the money coming in whilst he studied for the qualifications to get further up the ladder- it ook my mum a year to get her GCSEs in an evening course at college, and it's possible to even do graduate courses with the OU part-time, and work the rest.

    I'm sure it'll be fine, just because he's living with you doesn't mean he has to get stuck in dead-end jobs. Start getting the prospectuses for the local HE colleges if he's serious, and he can start in September :yes:
    Thanks :D
    He's gona do an access course at uni. A little bit nearer the time he will be enquiring about it. Plus, I started the accss course last year but had to give it up. We have decided to do it together!

    Thanks again everyone :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How old is he??

    If he's in his mid 20's then I'd say doing GCSE's is a waste of time.

    The UK isn't like the USA or Canada where you MUST have your High School diploma to get a job. Generally the only GCSE's they look at are Maths and English and only to make sure you passed them.

    I'd say at his age he should be doing a vocational course like a City & Guilds

    He might need GCSE's to get on such a course .. but if all he's planning to study up to is GCSE then he's wasting his time ...


    http://www.city-and-guilds.co.uk


    I did a Business Degree and if I knew then what I know now I'd have specialised very early on ...

    No employer ever asked me about my GCSE, A-Levels or Degree and same with most of my friends too form Uni...

    Personally I'd say pick a career he wants to go into and follow the vocational route to getting there which includes a proper on the job training scheme..


    I've been int he situation of hiring people and if I saw on someon's CV they'reintheir 20's and only got their GCSE's last year (rather then when they were 16) I'd probabaly be put off hiring them .. but if I saw they did something vocational like an NVQ then I'd be more likely to consider them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd dissagree DG. I'd say that GCSE's are very widely known and accpeted, and it's always useful to have a good GCSE Maths & English grade.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Mr_Wobble
    I'd dissagree DG. I'd say that GCSE's are very widely known and accpeted, and it's always useful to have a good GCSE Maths & English grade.

    Mr_Wobble ;)

    I know I asked about the Maths & English.. BUT the goal here as far as I understand it is to get the guy a better, more fulfilling and better paid job.

    Having interviewed people in the past and had to read their CV's there's abig difference between people's academic qualifications and their everyday skills that are useful in a job .. my old boss was an MBA form the London Business School and got totally walked all over because he didn't know how to form a contract... his lack of practical knowledge costed the company well over £700,000 and lost 40 people their jobs!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's all sorted now anyway guys :d He's moving in wiht me in May without an persusion from me and his mum is happy for us :D
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