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I hate asking for advice :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry but I do. Nothinbg usually comes up in my life that I cant solve but here is the deal. My boyfriiend or fiance whatever you want to call him has handed his notice in work, he wil be leaving in 3 months to move in with me. He lives 100 miles away. However his mum has suggested he move in with him to do his GCSE's as he messed up at school etc. She lives on the south coast. He doesnt know what to do, he will be living there for free and he says he doesnt want a crappy dead end job, he wants a good job with prospects and a better wage for me him and Charlie! (charlie is the name of what our first child will be called, when we have one)
he hasnt decided what to do, hes gona talk about it with his mum then talk to me. He has said if I really dont want him to go he wont. Im just scared he will resent me for it down the line or I will him if he goes. Its more travel time and further away. Ive posted this as Im not gona see him in person until next week and I really need to talk about it, as I dont want to discuss it over the phone with him.
I know he loves me mmore than anything and when he said this t me I was fine with it. However, one of my mates put ideas in my head. When I got home, my mum put me straight but now im all confused.
How do I react to this, this is the first time in my life I dont know what to do
he hasnt decided what to do, hes gona talk about it with his mum then talk to me. He has said if I really dont want him to go he wont. Im just scared he will resent me for it down the line or I will him if he goes. Its more travel time and further away. Ive posted this as Im not gona see him in person until next week and I really need to talk about it, as I dont want to discuss it over the phone with him.
I know he loves me mmore than anything and when he said this t me I was fine with it. However, one of my mates put ideas in my head. When I got home, my mum put me straight but now im all confused.
How do I react to this, this is the first time in my life I dont know what to do
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Comments
i think what he really needs to do is go see a careers advisor or something like that.
yes getting qualifications would be great for him, but depending what he wants to do he could maybe do something like an apprenticeship where he gets qualified and earns at the same time, and he could afford to live with you.
if he decides that he wants to move in with his mum, it won't be forever.
but when he has qualifications and experience, and can afford to support a family, that will be forever, and it'll be worth it.
i think you knew that anyway though. and yes, it'll be hard, being apart at this point in your relationship is horrid. but it doesn't mean you can't do it. my grandparents spent all of WW2 apart, and now they have been married nearly 60 years.
if it's gonna happen for you two, it'll happen whether you live together, or are apart.
Just a quick question, how long does it take to do your GCSE's at college?
i think it would depend on how many you were doing. i wouldn't have thought longer than a year.
another thing to bear in mind is that you can take GCSEs as correspondence courses and also as evening classes, so if he does decide to move in with you, he could work part time, and study the rest.
there are loads of options really, you just have to sort out the details between you. and i think it should be a joint decision. maybe he should have more say than you, but you should definitely have your say.
good luck
Which courses? Are we just talking Maths, English, and whatever?
Mr_Wobble
He could get an unskilled job to keep the money coming in whilst he studied for the qualifications to get further up the ladder- it ook my mum a year to get her GCSEs in an evening course at college, and it's possible to even do graduate courses with the OU part-time, and work the rest.
I'm sure it'll be fine, just because he's living with you doesn't mean he has to get stuck in dead-end jobs. Start getting the prospectuses for the local HE colleges if he's serious, and he can start in September :yes:
He's gona do an access course at uni. A little bit nearer the time he will be enquiring about it. Plus, I started the accss course last year but had to give it up. We have decided to do it together!
Thanks again everyone
If he's in his mid 20's then I'd say doing GCSE's is a waste of time.
The UK isn't like the USA or Canada where you MUST have your High School diploma to get a job. Generally the only GCSE's they look at are Maths and English and only to make sure you passed them.
I'd say at his age he should be doing a vocational course like a City & Guilds
He might need GCSE's to get on such a course .. but if all he's planning to study up to is GCSE then he's wasting his time ...
http://www.city-and-guilds.co.uk
I did a Business Degree and if I knew then what I know now I'd have specialised very early on ...
No employer ever asked me about my GCSE, A-Levels or Degree and same with most of my friends too form Uni...
Personally I'd say pick a career he wants to go into and follow the vocational route to getting there which includes a proper on the job training scheme..
I've been int he situation of hiring people and if I saw on someon's CV they'reintheir 20's and only got their GCSE's last year (rather then when they were 16) I'd probabaly be put off hiring them .. but if I saw they did something vocational like an NVQ then I'd be more likely to consider them.
Mr_Wobble
I know I asked about the Maths & English.. BUT the goal here as far as I understand it is to get the guy a better, more fulfilling and better paid job.
Having interviewed people in the past and had to read their CV's there's abig difference between people's academic qualifications and their everyday skills that are useful in a job .. my old boss was an MBA form the London Business School and got totally walked all over because he didn't know how to form a contract... his lack of practical knowledge costed the company well over £700,000 and lost 40 people their jobs!!