My ex confusing me-help

Former Member

Ok, so maybe quite a few of you know by now, but my boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. We were the best of friends for two years before we started going out, so we've had this special bond since we were like 14.

Then last year, we sparked, and we started going out. We had a year relationship, was going really well (or so I thought) but then he broke up with me, saying that he still really loves me and cares for me, but isn't in love with me anymore.

So we had a couple of weeks closure, but we still wanna be best friends, we totally wanna make it work. But I've seen him twice now as mates. First time (monday) i got upset, he sat there and hugged me for ages, and then gave me a peck on the forehead and then the lips.... totally confusing me- i mean, i still love him, so how is that gonna help?!

Then tonight we went2cinema. n its not like he was makin moves on me, but he's still quite sorta... 'comfortable' with me, like at the end it was quite moving, and he put his hand on my arm, so i put our hands together...and it was like we were going out again.

Sorry for the rant...but I'm confused- should I just abandon all hope and try and move on? Cos he seems like he still likes me at least a slight bit more than friends...

arg this is so unfair :-(

Former Member

aww poor u. it sounds to me like he still has feelings for you and that's why he's being flirty and kissing u, etc. i reckon you should talk to him and explain how you feel about him. but let him know that if his flirting is just mixed signals, then you dont want it to affect your friendship.
maybe he isnt sure how he feels about you+he just wants a break???
just be honest+he'll be ok with you!!!
keep
hope it goes well, keep us posted!

Former Member

I know what you're going through. After a long relationship which ended amiably, and you stay in contact, it's easy to get confused on how you're meant to act around each other... maybe you need more space from each other for now?

Former Member

when you've been in a realationship for a long time as you had, its hard to get out of the habits that you get in while you are together, kissing and hugging etc. try not to get your hopes up because that could be all it is, im not sayin he doesnt like you, just dot get ur hopes up to high xx

Former Member

this is what is happening to me

i broke up with my boyfriend 2weeks ago. we hadn't been going out long, just a couple of months but it wasn't working due to external factors. we still really like each other though and he texts me everday and we speak on the phone and we hug when we see each other n ended up in bed last week.

i think you really need to have some space. it's a nice idea to stay friends especially because you were good friends before going out but right now you need to get closure. let him know that you shouldn't see each other as often as you do because you still have feelings and it's hurting you. if you keep seeing him on a regular basis then you won't be able to move on. also if you still send as many texts or talk on phone then cut down.

it will be hard and i can't even take my own advice right now unfortunately. but good luck and let him know how you feel, im sure he'll understand.

Former Member

Re: My ex confusing me-help

Originally posted by ryoko_rock
Ok, so maybe quite a few of you know by now, but my boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. We were the best of friends for two years before we started going out, so we've had this special bond since we were like 14.

Then last year, we sparked, and we started going out. We had a year relationship, was going really well (or so I thought) but then he broke up with me, saying that he still really loves me and cares for me, but isn't in love with me anymore.

So we had a couple of weeks closure, but we still wanna be best friends, we totally wanna make it work. But I've seen him twice now as mates. First time (monday) i got upset, he sat there and hugged me for ages, and then gave me a peck on the forehead and then the lips.... totally confusing me- i mean, i still love him, so how is that gonna help?!

Then tonight we went2cinema. n its not like he was makin moves on me, but he's still quite sorta... 'comfortable' with me, like at the end it was quite moving, and he put his hand on my arm, so i put our hands together...and it was like we were going out again.

Sorry for the rant...but I'm confused- should I just abandon all hope and try and move on? Cos he seems like he still likes me at least a slight bit more than friends...

arg this is so unfair :-(

This is exactly what is happening at the moment with me and my ex bf. It is true that it is hard to get out of bad habits that you get in but it's got really bad for me.
I'm going to see a counseller next week about it.

Former Member

Thanks you guys. blonde_batman, i know what you mean, and...it's not like I'm getting my hopes up. I mean, obviously if the day after he broke up he'd told me it was a rash decision, and he shudnt have said it, then i wud've got back with him. But now i'm thinking, if it happened once, maybe we shudnt go out again??

The thing that's kinda helping me is that when we talked about uni before, he really didn't seem to feel like it wud work. Altho even thats confusing me, cos it looks like we'll be going2the same uni next year!! arg!!

And about closure...i get what u mean. but to me, i feel like i shud just be seeing him as mates more often to try and get used2 it, cos if i dont see him for ages i just end up dwelling on stuff and getting upset.

**grunge girl** i've been getting very depressed, bout this thing, and other shit in my life, i was thinking of counselling too.... arg to think that sum stupid break up wud cause me to have to do that...it sucks!