Boyf wins again...

Former Member

Im totally stuck in a situation that i didnt realise was this bad until now.
I ALWAYS look to my boyf for his opinion on things even though he doesnt ask mine, one subject in particular is going out.
We've been together two and a half years and i have only been out without him a handful of times, his has to be double.
Tonight i had the oppurtunity to go out without him and i turned it down for fear of upsetting him-how pathetic is that! I feel trapped, but i love him to bits.
If i had gone out i would have been feeling guilty (being the soft type, which i know is my own fault), but now im stayin in im angry at myself.
He has gone out before when i wasnt very well and it upset me so much, so i am lettin him win by me stayin in. I sent him a text saying that i was stayin in simply becos when he did this to me b4 i felt like crap, so i hope he wud return the favour even though he hasnt before. Sad thing is though-im not even with him, im home alone and bored!
I couldnt bare the thought of breakin up with him but i cant bare the thought of needing him so much. What do i do?!

Former Member

I don't really understand the situation. Has your boyfriend actually said it upsets him when you go out without him? Or is it that you don't like him going out without you, so you won't do it to him? I think you need to realise that in a two and a half year relationship you should trust each other to be able to go out and have a good time without anything undesirable happening. You both need your freedom and independence. It's not a reason to break up with him, but you need to realise that it's necessary to have other friends when you're in a healthy relationship. Also, it's up to you if you don't like going out without him, but you really can't expect him not to go out at all unless you're there, because that's an unrealistic and unfair expectation.

Former Member

He told me that he didnt want me going out, which then put a downer on my night and it would have affected me if id have gone out. The point of the thread is that i feel like he has me over a barrel and although ive never thought it before, im always doing things to make him happy even though he doesnt think twice in some situations. I feel trapped.
I know most people would say well get out of it, but it isnt as simple as that because im still in love with him.

Former Member

He told me that he didnt want me going out, which then put a downer on my night and it would have affected me if id have gone out. The point of the thread is that i feel like he has me over a barrel and although ive never thought it before, im always doing things to make him happy even though he doesnt think twice in some situations. I feel trapped.
I know most people would say well get out of it, but it isnt as simple as that because im still in love with him.

Former Member

I have been down the same road as you before......In the end it wore me down that much my love for him faded and I was the one going out, out the door and I never cam back. It was the betthing I ever did, as im now with someon who is my best friend and your best friend wants you to be happy not bring you down. So unless you want something like this to happen sort it out now. Go out if you want to go out, why feel guilty about something that is perfectly normal? Have some respect for yourself! Dont be the typical door mat! Show him you mean business, it will either change his way off thinking for better or worse. Personally I think he will appreciate you a lot more. Dont even bring the subject up again! If your going out your going out, enough said! If he is, wish him a good night.

Former Member

Thanks, thats the encouragement i need! I care too much about keeping other people happy and my mam is always going on about it, but thats the way i am! I need to toughen up though and this is what i am going to try! Thanks again x