Can I back out of this promise now?

Former Member

I have been with my b/f nearly a year. He is keen on trying anal sex. I tried it once with an old boyfriend and it really hurt. He kept asking me if we could try it, and I told him "on your birthday" because his birthday was ages away and I thought he might forget about it and stop asking me.

Now his birthday is in a few weeks and he has told me a few times "it's my *birthday* soon, remember", with a knowing look in his eye..

I am not sure what to do, should I just get drunk and try it, because I really love him and want to make him happy.. I am not really keen on the idea apart from pleasing him. Any advice?

Former Member

Ok don't ever ever do anything that you don't want to do. Just tell your boyfriend straight up that your are not comfortable having anal sex with him as you find it painful, if he had any feelings for you then he would understand and not presurise (sp) you into doing something that you didn't want to do.

Former Member

Don't do it if you don't want to, simple as. He might be a bit disappointed but it won't be the end of the world and as long as he respects you and cares about your feelings, he won't make a fuss. Also, it'll probably be easy enough for him to tell if you're not enjoying it, so I'm sure it's not worth it.

Don't be completely put off anal sex though, after trying it only once with a previous boyfriend - sometimes it takes practice, and it always takes a gentle and slow boyfriend :yes: - so it might be different with your current boy.

Still, don't feel you have to do it just because you teasingly promised to a while ago.

Former Member

I didn't mean it as a tease, his birthday just seemed a long way away, and I think maybe I could try it but I think I might get tense and it will hurt.

Guys are often so keen to try that, but I don't think they would be so keen for someone to shove a thing up them!

Former Member

Originally posted by Princess Rosa


Guys are often so keen to try that, but I don't think they would be so keen for someone to shove a thing up them!

Suggest a deal...

Former Member

Well why not at least try it?

During foreplay get him to gently grab your arse and play with it first, then after a while let him penetrate you with the finger.
Play around up there for a while-
You have to relax and just let it happen as if natural!

Then maybe use lube- and try it very slowly-
If it hurts still or is not happening at least you tried!
But as i always say dont knwock it till you tried it (agin in this case)

Former Member

dont do it if you dont want to, if hes gonna pressurise you then ask yourself what kind of boyfriend he really is?

Former Member

Originally posted by Char_Baby
dont do it if you dont want to, if hes gonna pressurise you then ask yourself what kind of boyfriend he really is?

He doesn't sound like he is pressuring-
She told him a date and he just seems eager to take her up on it-

She has never told him her doubts/fears

Former Member

Originally posted by Docter Lurve
He doesn't sound like he is pressuring-
She told him a date and he just seems eager to take her up on it-

She has never told him her doubts/fears

well counting down the days till he can get it seems a bit pressurising to me

Former Member

Don't do it if you don't want to - Simple!

Former Member

Originally posted by Char_Baby
well counting down the days till he can get it seems a bit pressurising to me

Not really though is it. She's made him a promise and as Docter Lurve said, without him knowing her fears he doesn't know of any kind of pressure he is putting on her. If he knew she was having second thoughts and he was still counting down the days then that IMO is putting a bit of pressure on her.

But until she lets him know her fears this lad is doing nothing apart from looking forward to bum sex, which is something he obviously wants to try and he wants to try it with her.

Former Member

Asshole = For shit, nothings actually meant to go in there... Only come out... :yuck:

Former Member

You shouldn't make promises you can't keep;)

nah, seriously, a birthday or something would be a good time TO try it. Make sure you take control, and only go as far as you want, but anal sex can be fantastic if it's done right, it can be the best sex you'll have.

Have a dabble, you should, but only do as much as you feel able to- if it hurts, stop. If it's just the pain stopping you then have a go, you won't lose much, but if there's otehr reasons maybe you shouldn't.

Former Member

i went thru this a while back+in the end i explained to him just how nervous i was. he completely understood and never mentioned it again. however, a week ago i decided that i really wanted to try it

my advice: go slow, use lube by the bucket load+its best if he lies down+ur over him, that way u can control it. go in about 2 cm, then stay still until it doesn't hurt anymore, then go in abit more.
it'll take time and patience, but its really worthwhile.

he will understand if he loves you and he sees you are upset bcos uve broke your promise. ul b ok, but just talk about it

hope all goes well

Former Member

I have been told :chin:.......a finger hurts more than a willy! Going slow hurts more than fast. Its a case of pushing it in quick wiith some lube and the pain is over quick. Its around the..*cough* ring *cough* that it hurts.
Dont do it if you dont want though.

Former Member

Originally posted by Ilson-Youth
Like the type of boyfriend thats eager for his loving girlfriend to fulfill a promise...

Its like promising your kid his first bike for christmas, then changing your mind a week before.

Its bollox all like that! My ex used to put things on me like this and it never got him anywhere, apart from me hating him for it and him making me feel sick!
Gir, you should start being honest with him now before it goes further.
Theres only 1 person who has ever got me to do it and thats my boyfriend now. Thats because he didnt pester me and I cam round to the idea in my own time.

Former Member

Bwahah, this guy I got with happened to ask me if I wanted to do it, I was VERY drunk at the time (which I think actually helped!) and I said 'I'll do anything!' like the classy bird I am and off he went and pushed it in. No lube or anything, and aaarrgh, did he go for it. Oh le pain.

It hurt but not TOO badly. I'd do it again but with lube this time. Don't think the first time was too good a time to do that. :no:

Former Member

Meh. All this "promise" lark is nonsense. If you don't really want to do it you're not going to enjoy it for a start and it would probably be even more painful.

Former Member

Originally posted by Ilson-Youth
Yeah, and maybe even in future be honest in the first place?

Not so much once something is promised you cant possibly back out of it, more the way how you promised him he could do it for his birthday having no intention of doing it, on the thinking that he would forget about it, or to shut him up.

There are no set rules, true a promise is a promise but this is a sensitive area. No pun intended! People can change their minds. Why would ber boyfriend want to do somethig to her she doesnt want to happen?

ClaireBear

Originally posted by Ilson-Youth
Like the type of boyfriend thats eager for his loving girlfriend to fulfill a promise...

Its like promising your kid his first bike for christmas, then changing your mind a week before.

And this is a particularly unhelpful thing to say... even if you are just playing devil's advocate.

Princess Rosa - please remember you should never feel forced into doing anything sexually that you don't want to, there's an answer to a similar question here that may help.

CB

Former Member

She already said in her first post that she had already tried it and didn't like it. Honestly just explain to your boyfriend how you feel on the subject and that you really don't want to do it, he should understand.

Former Member

Thanks for all the replies.

I honestly didn't mean to wind him up by telling him I would do it for his birthday, he just kept going on about it and I just said it without really thinking.

I have told him in the past that I don't want to do it because I'm scared of it hurting.

I think, I will give it a go, maybe have a few drinks to relax a bit and just try.

I trust my boyfriend to stop if I tell him too, I think my experience before has just put me off a bit.

Former Member

In a relationship you do stuff you might not be too keen on doing. Be it sexually or in any other area. All these "don't do it if he's pressuring you" posts are annoying, mostly only in this case as it doesn't seem like he's pressuring her. If she really didn't want to try it, there wouldn't be a post on this board asking about it, because she just wouldn't. Honestly though, I think if you love someone you should try things because they want you to even if its not 100% what you want to do. If you live for yourself all the time no matter how ideal it may seem, you won't end up happy.

If this was a different situation, like she said her boyfriend threatened to dump her or something, my post would be different, so don't bother taking the situation out of the context of her post.

Former Member

Originally posted by J
How could I tell my sister that this is a good thing? Anal angels?

Why would you want to?