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Relationships with the ex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey every1!

I was just wondering what every1's r/ship is like with your ex's. Cos me and my ex aren't getting on at all. We were meant to stay good friends cos we were really close etc. but now it's like he wishes I didn't exist which I find really hurtful. Some of you mayb think it's cos I'm not over him, but I so am lol.

Anway, any replies would be much appreciated <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

*~OtHeR - wOrLdLy~* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif"&gt;

<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif"&gt;

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You always say, "We'll still be friends right?"
    Seriously, you never are! It's really dodgy though coz it was someone you could speak to bu they've gone. Give it time, it may help... but don't push him into it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey!

    The relationship i have with my ex can only be described as really really wierd!

    I have to work with him once a week, altho im leavin my job next week (YAY!) so wont see him as much.

    Anyway, @times we get on really really well,we can talk about anything, we laff, joke,make each other smile, go out together etc etc.

    But then other times hell go in seriously big moods and wont tell me what iv done.He gets seriosly jealous if he sees me with another bloke (even tho he has a new girlf) and blanks me or bitches to me if iv hurt him somehow. Most of the time im not even aware iv done anything wrong.

    Thing is at the same time, i still love him to pieces, not in a relationship kinda way but just as a person, <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; and it hurts me when i see him with others too <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; I have a boyf as well who is great and a lot better bloke than my ex could ever be.

    Staying friends after a break up is never as easy as it first may seem is it? @heaven scent - The only reason i can think of for the blanking is that he cant handle only being friends with you, he might not be over you entirely, or sometimes if uv been really close to someone it hurts to see them with some one else. Its hard, and i dont really know what u can do to solve it.. me and mens minds dont click very well. Any blokes wana help us out on this one?

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; LXxx

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.contrabandent.com/pez/otn/angels/littleangel.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think your relationship with you ex depends on how you split up, why you split up, who dumped who etc etc.

    Me and my ex still talk and get on but we split up on good terms, we split up coz we'd grown apart and just didn't feel the same about eachother anymore, we was just rowing constantly and we both knew it was ridiculous. At first he was still phoning me for chats and that but he doesn't call anymore, i hardly see him now, but I don't feel anything at all for him now so it doesn't really bother me. We've both moved on.

    It's nice to know though that if i do ever bump into him there won't be any bad feeling between us and we'd still get on.

    Genie x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's just so frustrating cos he was the one who said that we should still be really good friends and stuff...whatever lol.

    *~OtHeR - wOrLdLy~* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif"&gt;

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's one of the hardest things because in a relationship so much is shared and you can't help but feel you've made a friend for life. But most of the time a break-up will be on bad terms, and it's hard to see the friendship go. Even if the break-up was on good terms, it's awkward being "just friends" with someone you were once intimate with and so many people tend to break all ties. In Genie's case the ex gradually stopped calling and now she hardly hears from him (although it's good to know that if they do bump into each other again things will be cool), but in other cases, such as yours, the ex tends to be an arsehole about it and hypocrisy abounds.
    Denial plays a role, the truth is sometimes harder to deal with than we think........and some of never truly let go.
    Give it time.......things might improve.

    Never piss into the wind!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/cool7.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My relationship wit all my ex's is shite. Most of them were only a couple of weeks/months long so i don't care about them but i woz wit my last ex for just over 5 months.

    Like u Heaven Scent HE woz the one that said still be mates.

    I agreed even though i woz really pissed off wit him etc (I dumped him) & he went 2 his Dad's down near Southampton the next day ne way.

    Ne way he foned me a couple of times etc & everything woz fine between us till he got back. Then he just ignored me etc.

    It wasn't until a couple of months later when i'd been wit my current bf about a month that he started contacting me again & being all nice.

    Then he found out about my bf & started slagging me & my bf off etc. Now i don't want ne thing 2 do wit him. I wrote about sum of this in more detail in my livejournal but basically i think he's a complete wanker & want him outta my life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have a fairly good relationship with most of my x's, but theres a few that are still weird with me.

    In my experience, its always strange when you've just split up, but it tends to improve over time.

    Give it time, but dont push to be mates, let him move on if he want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure if I can be bothered to give it time now. I've tried to sort things out but he goes and says stuff like I don't have any room to talk, well at least I'm trying! But now I just haven't got the energy to waste my time on him.

    *~OtHeR - wOrLdLy~* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif"&gt;

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ~*Heaven Scent*~:
    But now I just haven't got the energy to waste my time on him.


    Sod it then!

    If he isnt making any effort, then he doesnt deserve your friendship! Just stop trying with him, let him deal with it on his own!

    His loss, not yours!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww thank you <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    That's just how I feel: if he can't make the effort then why should I! lol.

    *~OtHeR - wOrLdLy~* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif"&gt;

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ~*Heaven Scent*~:
    I'm not sure if I can be bothered to give it time now. I've tried to sort things out but he goes and says stuff like I don't have any room to talk, well at least I'm trying! But now I just haven't got the energy to waste my time on him.


    Exactly hun!!! Thats the way i feel 2!! Stuff em!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    with my first ex we tried to be friends for about 2 weeks afterwards but we argued even more than when we were going out! we did break up on good terms though, we'd been together a long time and we'd just drifted apart and kept finding ways to wind each other up and it wasnt working. but after that he started going out with his best friend and it was sooooo soon after we broke up and thered always been nothing going on with them... anyway it was all nasty, so we stopped talking for a while.

    i emailed him again a few weeks after and we tried to stay in touch, only that didnt work either coz he couldnt really be bothered and wasnt being very nice... recently he emailed me to wish me luck in my exams, and ever since we've been emailing and send each other a few texts occasionally. i think it woudl be awkward if we met up now, luckily he got into his first choice uni that wasnt my first choice! (we applied for the same unis), he's still with the girl he started seeing after me. but i like that i have some contact with him, even if it does make me feel a bit odd sometimes.

    and the other i have no contact with. even though he owes me money <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif"&gt;

    Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am really close to one of my ex's, we went out for a year my longest relationship and we are great friends. He is a lovely person. I still love him lol but never mind.

    My most recent ex I don't really get along with anymore. Its a shame because before we started going out we were really good friends, he was always there for me and stuff and made me laugh, I only got to see the real side of him when we started going out though lol. He's doing stupid wankerish things now anyway like being all over this other girl RIGHT in front of me when I went out recently...and keeps asking me to go out places with him. Strange.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Funny u should ask that <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    When I broke up with her I said we'd be friends but I`ve quickly learned I can`t stand her. Plus she doesn`t seem to be getting the hint so if I have to tell her directly this is gonna turn in to some serious shit.
    So the moral of the story is: never say to ure ex that you`ll be friends when u break up...bad idea.

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."

    [This message has been edited by Talyn (edited 21-08-2001).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my relationship wiv my exes-WHAT RELATIONSHIPS??? with all of my exes apart from a few(3or4)we don't even speak, i'll walk down a road and we will avoid eye contact, we don't speak, we're not on bad terms but we will just pretnd that they were never part of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i tried to be friends but she kept messing me around and trying to make me jealous so i decided theres no point in making contact..... if she wants to contact me fine but as they say 'fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me'

    I need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain, but I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Friendship with ex's - hmmmmm.

    Probably the statement 'we'll can be friends' is well intentioned. We think we can handle it and want it to happen but once the reality of the break up sinks in it can affect us in ways we didn't anticipate: anger, sadness, jealousy, dislike, obsession, regret ... uncomfortable feelings and oops we find we can' t handle it at all.

    Sometimes time needs to pass to let the emotional dust settle before you can do the 'friends' thing.

    Sometimes you realise you were never friends in the first place: Once stripped of the bonds of intimacy there's nothing left in common.


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