Gay and shit-scared

Former Member

I suppose that I have fully come to realise and accept myself as being gay for a year. My best friend has been there for me constantly and always helpful, but it's coming to a point where our ideas about coming out clash and I don't think he see's my point of view at all.

The fact is that my parents are racist and also very anti-gay, especially my dad who constantly talks about how 'disgusting' it is and how peverted and Satanic homosexuals 'are'. He once said that some gay celebrity was the Devil's handmaiden, which is very sick. My mum, on the other hand has this superficial perfect idea of her son growing up and getting a high-paid job, married, loads of kids, big car and house etc etc etc... she always pesters me about how I must do well in my studies or I'll be in 'deep trouble'. Also, my sister, who's 9, calls everything 'gay' as it's a term she's come to understand as being either stupid, dirty, or disgusting.

Now it's come to the final year of high school, I have so many fantastic friends and 'life'. I want to tell them who I REALLY am, as I've been constantly shielding my thoughts and restricting my body language (some people call me gay coz of the way I talk or walk anyway, but not my true friends). Like people say, it's a HUGE burden. You may not think that coming out like this is such a big deal - some people can quite happily tell their parents and friends and thats it. But I can't. I just haven't got the will power. Can anyone PLEASE suggest anything?

Thankyou.
xx

Former Member

There is nothing with how u feel, your family and friends will understand this. That is if they r your true friends? I think it's something u have to do. For your own piece of mind.

Former Member

I meant to say there is nothing wrong with how u feel, just missed a word out 'cause i'm worse for ware.

Former Member

If it's going to cause loads of hassle for you at home then don't do it.

I never officially 'came out' to my parents, I just assumed that they had the intellect to figure it out when i moved into a one bedroomed flat with him. They didn't.

The fact is, it doesn't matter if they know or not. It's your life the only person that needs to know is you. And any future boyfriends you may have <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

If you feel you must tell them then by all means tell them, but if your dad is as anti-gay as you say he is it might be better not to.

You're coming into your last year at school you say? So that would make you 15? *can't remember the hazy days that were 1995* I don't think it would be a bad thing if you were to wait till you were a little bit older. 17 or 18 maybe.

I hope you do what you feel is best and it all goes well for you.

---

You have the right not to be killed - murder is a crime.
Unless it was done by a policeman.

Former Member

I dont think friends and people you know would care either way. There's a boy who goes to are school who is gay and everyone likes him.

Your parents are a different matter. Its obviously gonna cause trouble, so i would recommend not telling them. Why not wait until Uni or until you move out.

Former Member

Hi,

Just noticed that your from Blackpool too, interesting mate... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

About coming out, its a difficult one mate, especially at school, I came out as Bi after leaving Lytham St.Annes High and within a week everyone knew (incl. my mates parents) and I only told like 4 people, its just one of those pieces of news that people like to talk about.

I'd say wait until after you leave school, peoples views at college are usually easier going than school, people will view you differently when you tell them, I suppose it depends what school you go to...
I had a mate who came out at King Edwards and he got hell, Blackpool/Fylde College are easy going and run a meetup for gay/bi people to help them meet others likewise.

Your pretty lucky being in blackpool, you've got flamingo's, basils, flying hand(bin)bag and the old odeon near the bus station is being turned into a 3 floor superclub.

As for your parents, difficult one, I only ever told my mum and wouldn't dream of telling my dad as I suppose I'm afraid slightly... my friends where originally quite dodgy with me (seeing as their all straight) and thought I fancied them but gradually over a few months they came round and accepted it and everything went back to normal...

Don't worry mate, its a tricky round but things will all work out... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

Former Member

Some stuff here, including a helpline: http://www.thesite.org/sex/general_sex/coming_out_checklist.html

Former Member

Thankyou everyone.

I've been thinking (you can almost hear the cogs squeaking) about what my friend has said. He said that I should tell my parents as this is something that they really need to know; they would start wondering why I don't get girlfriends and then when it is revealed, that they would be so mad for keeping it a secret for so long that they would be more upset than they would be if I told them as soon as possible.

I've had this thought that as soon as I move out (for uni) I will start a complete fresh, new friends, and really get to be myself, well away from my parents.

Justin Credible - I know that there are clubs in Blackpool but I'm never allowed in. I can get out some nights with mates, but at the moment, it's the local and the only bent things in there are the tables.

I'm just gonna keep my head low about my sexuality for a bit, as I have no choice. But it angers me how I could ever get into this situation. Why are people so against gays?? Why would it change anything??

Having support, such as on this site means a hell of a lot to me. I'll keep updating! Thanks so much everyone.

xx

Former Member

as ya sis wud say stop been GAY (joke)
look m8 if people r goin 2 judge u then thwy aint really m8s r they

been gay is who u r and dont ever stop been u coz if u do then ur not gay u will just b someone who is homophobic

but dont b one of them people whos gay and wants every 2 no it t-shirts flags and all that crap coz they r the ones i and lots others people think r benders, fags and all the other names

good luck

Former Member

im sorta too late and have no more advice to give but i just wanted to wish u the best of luck and hope that in the future you are able to live your life the way you want to and have ur family and friends accept you for who you are <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;