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How important is sex in a relationship?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
(i thought this was more relative to the relationships board, before anyone says anythin :P)

Ive been going out with my GF for 4 months almost. In this time we've only had sex twice :( This is due to the fact that we can never get a chance to do it - no personal space.

Well now were kinda breaking up and i know that sex (or lack of) is most probably an important factor from her position.

Funnily enough coming from a 22 year old male, i wasnt that bothered about the sexual aspect of our relationship that much (i still wanted to do it). Sometimes i think im a bit of a freak cause i dont really have a sex drive and i look at most other guys my age(in fact any ages over 13) and thats all they think of !?
In that sense i dont beleive that sex is relativly(sp) high on my importance list.

How important is sex in your relationships?
(and can someone tell me how the f*ck to get my sex drive back)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well... as someone in a long term relationship who had sex on Friday night (With my boyfriend) for the first time in around six months I'd say the most important thing is to believe that you will have it again some time!!

    But seriously - it can be important and I think in a new relationship where both people are consenting and have a history of a good sex life with eachother I think it is important.

    Seems to me that you have a problem and its not just because you have nowhere to do it!! Perhaps your sex drive in naturally low...but my advice...the more you have it the more you want it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends on the relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sex shouldn't be important in a relationship. Only time it really that it is is when two people feel they must have sex, or the relationship is purely on of lust. Been there done it all. It's nice to be in a relationship where sex isn't a neccessity of the relationship every time you see each other or even everytime you're led in ebd together.

    Sex should just be seen as the icing on the cake in a relationship, and the main basis of the relationship being two people having a laugh adn enjoying being with each other.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by byny
    [B
    Seems to me that you have a problem and its not just because you have nowhere to do it!! Perhaps your sex drive in naturally low...but my advice...the more you have it the more you want it. [/B]

    right! wheres those spam emails about viagra i keep recieving :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kazbo
    Sex shouldn't be important in a relationship. Only time it really that it is is when two people feel they must have sex, or the relationship is purely on of lust. Been there done it all. It's nice to be in a relationship where sex isn't a neccessity of the relationship every time you see each other or even everytime you're led in ebd together.

    Sex should just be seen as the icing on the cake in a relationship, and the main basis of the relationship being two people having a laugh adn enjoying being with each other.

    yeh i agree with that, i mean sex doesnt have to be everything does it. I sometimes think that alot of unnecassary pressure is put upon people to have sex all the time because of what we see in the media. Sometimes its good to concentrate on other aspects of the relationship
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rachie004
    and I have lots more to say and I've tried to type it out several times but it makes no sense :confused:

    lol i do that all the time, to the point where i just give up, but thanks for your response
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its a myth that all blokes think about sex 24-7. My husbands got a lower sex drive than me, which does cause problems sometimes, but its not the be all and end all of our relationship. As long as its good when you do have it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sex is an important part of any relationship, but a close relationship without sex is infinitely better than a sexual relationship without closeness. Sex isnt the be-all and end-all of any relationship, though it certainly helps.

    Has your libido always been low, or is it just recently? Depression and stress in particular reduce libido, and libido also tends to increase (or decrease) depending on how much sex a person has. the more you have it the more you want it, I suppose.

    But in many long-term relationships after about 2 years the amount of sex drops away, it doesnt mean that theyre any less strong just because theyre not at it like rabbits in spring.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think sex and intimacy is important. i think it probably creates a stronger bond in the relationship aswell. everyone has different sex drives though so the number of times you have sex with someone doesn't matter -as long as both people in the relationship are happy.
    it is not the most important thing because there is alot more to a relationship than just sex but i wouldn't be happy if i'd only done it twice in 4months. but then thats just me :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sex can be important in a relationship however it depends on the relationship. If it is a seriouse relationship then sex can be important because it is considered to be something special between two people who are in love and it can make the bond between thoose two people stronger.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If Dr. Freud were still alive he would have written SUCH a long post by now. But I'll limit myself to three cents:

    Sex is v. important in the early stages of a relationship, but becomes less so after a few months.

    In my experience, Sex in a relationship either makes it stronger or really fucks things up. Nothing in between!

    I think that it also can be one of the deciding factors in a breakup. But, this is all coming from a man who was dumped from a 10 month relationship (in the later stages, long distance) because she wanted someone who would give it to her more often.

    Bitch :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kazbo
    Sex shouldn't be important in a relationship.


    Nggh.

    I think ppl are right in that sex isn't THE most important thing...but I can't help but think that people say that in order to excuse other faults in a relationship.

    I think when things are perfect between a couple, sex is a a form of mutual communication and intemacy which I think is as essential as anything else in a relationship.

    But to Londonboy - are you sure things are right in your relationship, for you have only had sex twice the entire time? :crazyeyes I mean, there's low sex drive...and then there's non existent!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Quote: I mean, there's low sex drive...and then there's non existent!

    Yeah, some people just seem to have it more than others!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Britney
    Nggh.

    I think ppl are right in that sex isn't THE most important thing...but I can't help but think that people say that in order to excuse other faults in a relationship.

    I think when things are perfect between a couple, sex is a a form of mutual communication and intemacy which I think is as essential as anything else in a relationship.

    yes I agree that sex is a form of intimacy that is needed in a relationship, but people should never say sex is important in a rel. Everyone can go without sex and it doesn't truthfully add much to a relationship. You can gain the intimacy in plenty of other ways.

    Any relationship where sex is needed to keep the relationship together has faults adn the basis of the rel isn't strong enough. There is no way that saying sex isn't important shows faults elsewhere in a rel, if anything it shows that everything else in the relationship is that strong and good that sex isn't required to make the rel perfect.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sex is very important to me but it's not all. It has to be combined with lots of other things for a relationship to work. Luckily me and my boryfriend have the same kinda sex drive but we can turn each other on within seconds anyway. I fancy him so much that it would kill me not to have lots of sex with him. Although, just lying watching tv with him or stayin up into the early hours talking crap and making each other laugh is majorly important to me. Being there for someone and understanding someone is amazing, in times of drastic need or just for a cuddle. Being able to tell him all my fears/problems/wishes/dreams and him relating to me is a huge factor.
    So for me, all of these things together are perfet. Without just one of them I couldnt carry on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: How important is sex in a relationship?
    Originally posted by Britney
    But to Londonboy - are you sure things are right in your relationship, for you have only had sex twice the entire time? :crazyeyes I mean, there's low sex drive...and then there's non existent!
    Originally posted by Londonboy
    In this time we've only had sex twice :( This is due to the fact that we can never get a chance to do it - no personal space.

    erm well apart from doing it in her car (tacky) or renting a room (seedy) it was quite difficult for us, because of living situations.

    Anyway thanks for all of your responses, i have had a few relationships and in all of the ones except the first, i havent really been bothered about sex. Im planning to go to the doctors to ask why i have such a low sex drive cause i know this is blatantly unnatural!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're saying that the lack of sex is breaking you two up, then I'd say sex is very important in your particular relationship.

    It's always going to depend on the two people involved as to how important sex is.

    There is however no sense in blaming sex (or lack of it) for the break up or problems in a relationship. If you're close enough, you should be able to figure solutions.
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