retaining your innocence

Former Member

me and my bf have been together 8/9months, we're both now 16, we've talked about sex before....but now that its legal and we love eachother i just seem not to want to lose my virginity.i just feel that i wouldnt be 'innocent' any more, or i'd lose some part of me. maybe the thought of having sex scares me? what do ppl think?

Former Member

Yes, you lose that innocence. It's a big step for someone who's not delved into that area before.

It's a shame, as you are no longer seen to be pure and blush crimson at the words of lust and such, but once you have sex and sit back..you realise the whole escapade isn't that much.

Great feeling, but not much to flurry over if you know what I mean.

I'm probably being biased as I'm not a virgin and such, but as the wee gal from American Pie says - "It's just sex, not a rocketship lift-off".



Sorry.

Former Member

Sex is overrated.

Don't make it out to be more than it is.

Former Member

lol every1 says that goose, its just the building up to the sex bit, emotionally realising that ill no longer be innocent scares me :nervous: oh and im nervous

Former Member

It's something that will hapen, just make sure he is the one you want to lose it with. Talk to him about it, see what he thinks, I'm sure he will understand.

Former Member

And make sure he's gentle the first few times.

Former Member

I'd say you were scared, and worried about how others may see you. But you're both 16, you're in love, so enjoy each others bodies. I'm sure you like hugging, and kissing. Well, sex is just a bit further than that really - just a lot more squishy and exciting!
Look for some advice in one of the sections on this site.

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

as an older guy loosing my virginity i was shit scared
and thats ok, i was lucky i did it with some one who had some experience so to speek. made it alot eaiser for me and guys can cry afterwards too. all the emotion of wanting and waiting for
sex can get to u. but im glad ive done it now, sure would have liked to have done it with some one i loved but sometimes its not always available.
I do in a way feel relieved that i have done it now, and look for some one i love now with out worrying about this

Former Member

i dont understand why im so scared tho! i feel like im blowing it totally out of proportion!

Former Member

You're probably scared because it's something new. Something you're uncertain about. Something you've heard both good and bad things about. You worry about being able to pleasure someone else, you worry about something going wrong, and you worry about hurting yourself or your boyfriend.
Sex is also something that's foremost in most peoples minds. You see it in adverts, you see it in the movies, you see it in magazines, and I'm not talking about porn. It's something that people talk about, and joke about, and worry about. It's something that is part of culture and society. You can't excape it.
Being in, and on, your mind all the time makes it seem so important, so naturally you're going to worry about it so much.
Try not to worry about it too much. It's something to be enjoyed, but don't be too surprised if your first time isn't too great due to awkwardness. Have fun.

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

heres a question for people:

should the first time be an 'event' or just a fun time pushing new boundaries?

I used to think the first... but im starting to think the latter due to what i've heard from other people. jesus im influenced easily!

Former Member

Shyboy, in my opinion, too many people believe, and therefore make it, too much of an important event. It's only important because everybody talks about it so much, and places so much emphasis on it. The very fact there is this, and many other threads, about exactly the same thing. It's just society and culture that creates it as a big "event". Sure, it's something we all remember, for good or bad reasons, but too much emphasis is placed upon it - which is why, after the "event" people say sex is overated.
I don't think you loose something, I think you gain something.

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

mr wobble, tell me what you think you gain. maybe it would help me get over the thought of me losing my innocence

Former Member

Originally posted by hybrid
mr wobble, tell me what you think you gain. maybe it would help me get over the thought of me losing my innocence

a bit of street cred? cuz thats about it really

Former Member

Char, i like your av!

Former Member

I think Wobble's got it right.

The media in particular always builds sex up as the best thing ever, and if youre not having sex then youre somehow inferior. Advertising uses sex to sell as it makes people think that product x will help them get laid, or have better sex, or whatever.

Sex isnt the only thing in life, though it is pleasant, its not the be-all and end-all.

But then the old saying that sex is only a problem if youre not getting any is very true.

Former Member

Well, hybrid, I think Kermit's got it just about right regarding sex in the media, and how that puts pressure on people.
Char Baby also has a good point about gaining "street cred", as that's part of the pressure too.
I think you gain a new experience, and knowledge. You get to explore a whole load of new sensations and feelings - masturbation just isn't the same (good, but not the same). It's something great to share with someone. You also gain the knowledge that it's overated (well, it is to begin with, until you practice and get better at it).
The experience, feelings, and emotions, of having sex help complete your personality, or at the least gain another dimension to it.

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

Meh.

First time for a lot of people sucks anyway.

For guys: *pump pump pump splat* "uh is that it?"

For girls: "it hurts isn't it supposed to feel good?"

2nd and third times are much better

Former Member

I know exactly what you mean...

Former Member

Well the thing that makes the most sense for you both is to wait until it happens, don't plan it, don't worry about it either. When it happens it will happen and you will not care about losing your innocence afterwards. Thats my point of view anyway!

ClaireBear

If you're feeling unsure about anything you should probably take a bit of time to think about it, never feel forced into doing anything sexually. Some of the posts in this thread are full of useful suggestions but you could also read some of the information in the sex section of TheSite.

If you think you will sleep with your partner you should also think about contraception - there's loads of info about the different methods here.

CB

Former Member

Originally posted by goose
And make sure he's gentle the first few times.

someone said that to me once...oh how I wish they had never...

Former Member

Originally posted by VinylVicky
someone said that to me once...oh how I wish they had never...

ooo care to elaborate?

Former Member

Originally posted by VinylVicky
someone said that to me once...oh how I wish they had never...

Lipsy, I think Vicky is trying to tell us, in as subtle a way as possible, that she likes a good hard fuck, rather than all that gentle loving stuff. Mind you Vicky, I'm sure if you'd been fucked hard the first time that you may have a different opinion. Hmmm, this is prying a bit. But I'm still interested to know, as is lipsy (though she won't admit that she really wants to know - as does everybody else).

Mr_Wobble; )

Former Member

fuck! I quoted the wrong thing! gimme a min!

Former Member

Originally posted by goose
Sex is overrated.

Don't make it out to be more than it is.

This is the person I wanted to quote, just got the wrong post

Former Member

Originally posted by VinylVicky
fuck! I quoted the wrong thing! gimme a min!

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure :chin:

Former Member

Originally posted by NinjaMaster
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure :chin:

Former Member

Originally posted by goose
Meh.

First time for a lot of people sucks anyway.

For guys: *pump pump pump splat* "uh is that it?"

For girls: "it hurts isn't it supposed to feel good?"

2nd and third times are much better

my god that is the most off putting thought ever :yuck: now im going to be celibate for life

Former Member

Originally posted by VinylVicky
fuck! I quoted the wrong thing! gimme a min!

Doh!
Mind you, we're all probably still interested in whether you prefer a good hard fuck?

Mr_Wobble

Former Member

Originally posted by hybrid
my god that is the most off putting thought ever :yuck: now im going to be celibate for life

Hehehe.

Don't worry mate, it gets a lot better after you've had a couple of goes.

It's like riding a bike for the first time...you might fall off once or twice, but from then on you only get better at it