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HELP - so confused and hurt
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
On Sunday my bofriend and I split up and I'm just so hurt and confused by the whole thing I dont know what to think. I'm sorry if this is long.
A week ago last friday I accidently sent him a text that was meant for my best friend (to do with her relationship troubles) saying "be honest do you want to split, if you do its best to get it out in the open" and he texted back saying that at the moment he did because he felt I didn't trust him. I burst into tears and went round his flat to be alone expecting him to be at work. He was there and was holding me and saying he loved me and I said "All I want is for you to hold me, tell me you love me and kiss me" and he did but said we'd discuss splitting when he got home from work.
When he got home from work we started discussing it and he seemed really confused and kept saying that he didn't know what he wanted. When I confronted him with a "Do you want to split up or stay together?" he said that he wanted to stay together and he did hope that we could last. He said he felt so exhausted from work and crap about everything so we decided I'd spend the next week at home to give him time to catch up on his sleep and some space. During this week apart we would talk on the fone and if I said "I love you" he would say "ditto" or "love you too" he also said that he did love me and fancy me and that was probably why he was so confused.
I went round on Friday just gone after 5 nights apart and we got talking again and this time he said that he thought that the damage had been done and he wasn't sure if he could overcome the hurt. He agreed to let me try to prove that I trust him but things weren't the same, he didn't kiss me night night or cuddle up in bed. On the Saturday I went through his text messages on his mobile (I've never done it before) and I found one to another girl saying "I'm quiet this morning as I'm in the car with ann love you and miss you loads sexy bum". I confronted him with it and he said that he'd set up the text with this girl as he knew I would go through his phone (the next day she did phone to see the outcome) However this girl is one that he confesses to having been after a while ago.
On Sunday we got talking again and he said that he wanted to split and was very angry at me. I was crying and begging him for a new start to which he replied "I gave you a new start and the very next day you blew it" He was crying he eyes out and I said "can't we try to work it out" he said "work what out how can we work anything out when I just dont feel the same" He says I've really hurt by appearing not to trust him and no ones ever hurt him this much before. He was saying that he is hurting so much because he's hurt me so much and kept apologising for hurting me. He said he's hurting so much he just wants to be alone. I left and went back and he was staring into space hugging a cushion so we got talking some more and he gave me a really tight hug.
When I got home he said that he deserved to be dead for what he's done to me, he also told me that he got drunk and when I asked why he said "I didn't enjoy it" I said "was it cos you were hurting" and he said "yes" He also said that he had told no one at work because it wouldn't be fair to start crying there. I wanted to talk on the phone to try to build bridges but he said it was too soon and painful.
When we did talk he said that it has never hurt this much splitting up with someone before and that I'm the best gf he has ever had and that I've given him the best 5 months of his life. He also swears there is no one else, in fact he got upset that I even asked and has a point in that he doesn't have time (he works very long hours and Ive practically been living there). I believe him whole heartedly and have never not trusted him I told himI found it hard to accept as 2 weeks ago he was all loving and he said "2 weeks ago you weren't being like this"
What do you make of the situation, do you think it is over? My friends seem to feel he is confused and tired . All I know is I am hurting and confused. We were so good together
What should I do? I've lost the best thing in my life and its all my fault
Sorry its long
Ann Marie
On Sunday my bofriend and I split up and I'm just so hurt and confused by the whole thing I dont know what to think. I'm sorry if this is long.
A week ago last friday I accidently sent him a text that was meant for my best friend (to do with her relationship troubles) saying "be honest do you want to split, if you do its best to get it out in the open" and he texted back saying that at the moment he did because he felt I didn't trust him. I burst into tears and went round his flat to be alone expecting him to be at work. He was there and was holding me and saying he loved me and I said "All I want is for you to hold me, tell me you love me and kiss me" and he did but said we'd discuss splitting when he got home from work.
When he got home from work we started discussing it and he seemed really confused and kept saying that he didn't know what he wanted. When I confronted him with a "Do you want to split up or stay together?" he said that he wanted to stay together and he did hope that we could last. He said he felt so exhausted from work and crap about everything so we decided I'd spend the next week at home to give him time to catch up on his sleep and some space. During this week apart we would talk on the fone and if I said "I love you" he would say "ditto" or "love you too" he also said that he did love me and fancy me and that was probably why he was so confused.
I went round on Friday just gone after 5 nights apart and we got talking again and this time he said that he thought that the damage had been done and he wasn't sure if he could overcome the hurt. He agreed to let me try to prove that I trust him but things weren't the same, he didn't kiss me night night or cuddle up in bed. On the Saturday I went through his text messages on his mobile (I've never done it before) and I found one to another girl saying "I'm quiet this morning as I'm in the car with ann love you and miss you loads sexy bum". I confronted him with it and he said that he'd set up the text with this girl as he knew I would go through his phone (the next day she did phone to see the outcome) However this girl is one that he confesses to having been after a while ago.
On Sunday we got talking again and he said that he wanted to split and was very angry at me. I was crying and begging him for a new start to which he replied "I gave you a new start and the very next day you blew it" He was crying he eyes out and I said "can't we try to work it out" he said "work what out how can we work anything out when I just dont feel the same" He says I've really hurt by appearing not to trust him and no ones ever hurt him this much before. He was saying that he is hurting so much because he's hurt me so much and kept apologising for hurting me. He said he's hurting so much he just wants to be alone. I left and went back and he was staring into space hugging a cushion so we got talking some more and he gave me a really tight hug.
When I got home he said that he deserved to be dead for what he's done to me, he also told me that he got drunk and when I asked why he said "I didn't enjoy it" I said "was it cos you were hurting" and he said "yes" He also said that he had told no one at work because it wouldn't be fair to start crying there. I wanted to talk on the phone to try to build bridges but he said it was too soon and painful.
When we did talk he said that it has never hurt this much splitting up with someone before and that I'm the best gf he has ever had and that I've given him the best 5 months of his life. He also swears there is no one else, in fact he got upset that I even asked and has a point in that he doesn't have time (he works very long hours and Ive practically been living there). I believe him whole heartedly and have never not trusted him I told himI found it hard to accept as 2 weeks ago he was all loving and he said "2 weeks ago you weren't being like this"
What do you make of the situation, do you think it is over? My friends seem to feel he is confused and tired . All I know is I am hurting and confused. We were so good together
What should I do? I've lost the best thing in my life and its all my faultSorry its long
Ann Marie
0
Comments
Look Ann give him a bit of space to sort his own head out, sometimes us guys need time alone and sort things out, if he really truely loves you (from what i've heard from you and him when you first started to date you two loved each other alot) he will come back, once he relised how much he misses you and still loves you,
Okay its not certain he will but i think there still a chance. good luck honney, be strong and hang in there. remember im allways there for you:)
best wishes..
Graeme.
Walk away - look back in a few weeks/months time.
I had a similar text situation with an ex. We had an argument, and when i saw him saturday morning he was behaving suspiciously anyway - ruffled up bed etc - and I read a message on his phone from one of his mates saying 'you dirty dog. have you got rid of the slapper yet?' When I questioned this, he said it was his mate playing around...and believe it or not, that was good enough for me. Pah!!!! :mad:
Move on honey - it sounds like a bad situation to hang around in.
Granted it took me a year to find someone new, but it was totally worth it.
Anyway, just take time out. Don't let the way he's treated you drop. Stay strong. Forget him.
seriously tho...please just walk away xx
that i don't feel trusted as that i asked for one night by my self and i was question why?
I go shopping (xmas as well i might add) and i get 25 missed calls and 13 sms askin where I i am i who am i with what time will i be back
and i say im on way u want to know how long and where
i go to work and i don't have time to beway from u as i recive 20 - 50 sms aday while at work
the girl that i did admit i liked
i also pointed out allmost every day
that i DID!!! (pls note the past tence) like her
and i think the bigger thing is SHE DON'T LIKE ME !!!!!!
the sms on the phone! i think it was rather funny really
as u said u were looking for sloppy sms u sent me......IN SENT ITEMS????????
ive not told any one at work other then my best friend as its work!!
u phone me to build bridges???
we spilt and 2 hours later ur askin me if sarah (the girl i liked but never ever ever ever ever ever will get with as she don't like me) asked me out now what would i say????? WTF!!!
and then next call 30min later u were askin if one day do i think we will go out again???
then 20 min later again... same question
and 20 min later again......same once more!!
....
i work a five min walk from home
so i go to work and i come home?? when do i have time to cheat??
and the other little thing is that every thing we say or do is put on the net some where!!!
so .
u have god knows how many ppl who keep askin u to finish with ur bf and go with them...
if you dont want to be with her anymore then just fucking tell her straight, but DONT come on here trying to humiliate her
Ann stop with all this.. dont feel bad not your fault. and give up on him. i know you loved him and cared for him but you can do a million times better, your a great,pretty,intellegent girl and you don't need to put up with the likes of him.
Anne, I think you need to cut yourself off, go and get over him with your friends, it will hurt like hell at first but you will get over this and save your dignity aswell hun.
Good luck xx
Being heart broken is horrible.
Bird, the damage is done. ((hugs)) Time to go out with the girlies, and do fun single things for a bit.
We've all been there, and it *sucks*
I have to say that I can see nothing wrong in his post. As somebody pointed out, he was putting his side of the story across...
Regarding some of the details, if I were getting 20-50 texts a day from my girlfriend whilst I was at work I would be seriously pissed off. Talk about being smothered!
He HAS told her he doesn't want to be with her, Blonde Batman, and so in no way way his post out of order. There is a lot of anger and hurt between these two people at the moment and so if one person can tell their tale, so can another.
Ann-Marie. This is one of those times you are just going to have to step back (as difficult as it may be) and realise that it just ain't meant to be.
Without being too blunt - it was "only" 5 months you were together - hardly a lifetime and so life does and will go on for you.
Back off, give the boy some room and try to work out exactly why you have these trust issues. If you can't trust somebody (especially if they have done no wrong) you simply shouldn't be with them. Simple as.
- Sorry, this whole paragraph is just bullshit. Complete and utter bollocks! I do think you should think about what you are typing before you post it, mate. "you ever think of her needs not yours" - WHAT COMPLETE ARSE WANK! Seriously, from spending all his time either at work or with her, when the foook do HIS needs come into anything?! Exactly. I have never, and would never want to be in the situation of spending pretty much all my time out of work with a partner. People need their own lives!
This is where I reckon the relationship could have faltered... It just sounds like she has become completely dependant on him and she now lacks anything of her own to fall back on (just reminds me of a couple of friends of mine. She is always the same, even though he is working 65+ hours a week! Badgering him, where are you etc etc etc). Because of this there is a basic NEED for her to know what he is doing every last second of the day. Sorry for pulling this apart but I am completely behind this guy.
Oh - and if anybody went through my fone, I would be pretty fooooked off - it just ain't anybodies foookin' business!
To close. Get your trust issues sorted and get yourself sorted out girly.
G.
Yes I agree 100% with that statement
*takes a bow*
... any other way you would like to show your appreciation VV?
Any particular way you like to be appreciated G?
annmarie, maybe this will be a lesson to you that in future you need to trust your boyfriend. tbh, i don't think you can be in love with him if you didn't trust him.i know love is quite an abstract thing but this quote i have sums it up for me, which i think applies to this situation.
"I know that it's easy to mistake infatuation for love: when he's on your mind 24/7 even if you haven't known him that long; when you cry whenever you say goodbye, even for ten minutes;when you get jealous and possessive whenever he hangs out with anyone without you. A lot of people mistake that for love. It isnt. . Love is something more precious and yet less fragile than that. Infatuation is an emotional rollercoaster that people experience at the beginning of a serious relationship. Love is the tranquil glow that is somehow brighter than infatuation without causing all the burns. Love is about knowing one another through and through. About being able to say anything. About not feeling jealous when he goes out without you because you know that he'll come back. About always having a shoulder to cry on, and always being there when he needs to weep. Love is something that's quiet and spectacular all at once. It's not the huge emotional ride like infatuation, which, like a flashfire, comes and goes before you realize it. Instead, it's something sweet and strong and beautiful. You'll know when it reaches that state."
you shouldn't be so dependent on your boyfriend in the future. he is still his own person whether he's dating you or not. people need space, room to breathe. being so dependent on your boyfiiend is not only unhelathy for the relationship but its unhealthy for you because of the extra heartache caused when you break up.
god i could go on but i want to go shopping..
This is very true, although scares me a tad! My ex I loved very much but still had the infatuation feelings all the way through but I never act on them, I keep it to myself.
My current blokey im madly in love with but I still get jealousy oangs over little things but I know im being silly so dont act on them.
Anyone else like this? I think its just my nature.
After all...you sent the text message to him in error and yet he's using it to discuss trust!!!!!????? what he's really doing is using it as an excuse to dump you and make it look like its your fault (Even though its not)
Woah - just read this and now I know the whole story I'd like to apologise. Noone wants a girl whos going to ring and ring and ring and ring and then make up a story about an accidental text to her friend....sorry mate!!
Nor do you need a girl who doesn't trust you, who violates your personal space and property and who lies to herself so much that she starts believing its true...THEN posts stuff on the net, that she knows you are going to go on and STILL lies...
I take back my previous post..XX
im just fed up of everything i say and do not being quite good enough for everyone else
just forget it. dont expect anyone to understand
But you were so outof order with these comments, particularly as you now know the whole story.
This poor bloke has an obsessive girlfriend who lies!
yes because of course he is telling 100% the truth and shes told a complete load of lies! :rolleyes:
would you just talk to me ffs and tell me what the problem is rather than go upsetting everyone else on the boards?
i never said it was..... just want to know what the fuck your problem is today.
My gawd - you ARE on a downer today.
Basically all your recent comments in this thread are plain silly and seem to be written as you are in a strop about something.
Your best bet would be to chill out and probably not bother posting anything until you calm down...
It's not a case of something being good enough. Our comments are simply in disagreement to yours - which to be honest, was well out of order to begin with.
Understand what exactly?!
Don't be silly - just because people are putting their opinions across and they don't match yours isn't a big deal! Your reaction is just a bit daft...
So - calm down... Take a breather and come back at some point and re-read what you posted... All will look silly to you then.
Maybe there is something YOU would like advice about!
G.
G.
i have to agree with monkey here, no wonder he wants out of the relationship! ann, let him go a bit, maybe go on a break and then after a couple of weeks/days/months/years see how u feel about eachother and go from there?