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Has too much happened for us to carry on..........

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hmmmmmmmmmm, well today im really sad and confused. A few months ago i had a really bad time with my boyfriend, he dumped me, and then we got back together and then he dumped me again and basically didnt speak to me for a week and then we got back together.

Before i was completely sure that he was the one i wanted to be with but after all this heartache and make ups and break ups now im not so sure. The thing is, he is happy now, and i dont want to tell him that im not, because i dont know what i want, im not sure if he is right for me or whether im just making a mountain out of a molehill!!

The problem is, because of how he treated me, all my friends dislike him and my mum cant stand him now and thinks i should just get rid. Plus its my xmas do soon and he is coming and i dont really want him too because it will be so uncomfortable because everyone knows at work whats happened as well.

He is also ten years older than me (im 24) and i havnt the resources available to be able to afford to buy a house with him or have children in the next five years. He wants all that and was really mad when he found out i couldnt afford to do them (that was the main reason why we split up). Now we are back together he's not even mentioned it so i dont know whats going to happen.

I dont know what to do for the best anymore, im so stressed out with it, i just want to be happy again.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you just want different things and the age gap is starting to show. Let's face it, he's probably going to start talking about kids and stuff again soon and if you don't want that yet then your relationship probably isn't going to work.
    You'll probably feel better once your single again, relationships are stressful as you say.
    If you do break up, make sure YOU dump him, some revenge is in order I think!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like ye need to clear your head and then think wether you wanna be with him in the long run
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh i know. The thing is ive got so used to him and his family and friends and being in his house and doing stuff together, and its nearly christmas and his birthday next week and ile fel so shit if i do break up with him. Im way too soft i know, but ide also feel crap and i dont know if breaking up is the right thing to do or if im just thinking maybe the grass is greener, that kind of thing.

    Dan, seeing as how you seem like a decent guy, maybe you can give me some home truths.

    Now, he hasnt done this recently, but in all the months we were going out, he was constantly trying to get me to do stuff, like go the the gym and take up and activity or be more sporty (coz he is!!!). He's not very romantic and he never says i look nice when we go out. I dont know if its just me or not but we've only been going out for 8 months, surely we should still be in the honeymoon stage.

    Also, he used to get really mad if i didnt laugh at his jokes, and he said i was miserable (which im not, im always giddy!!) and stuff.

    All my mates think he's controlling and he's trying to change me, which he was in a way.

    And then theres the age thing, he's gonna be forty in five years and ile only just be able to afford to ahve children then, and he'l be really old, and maybe i should just find someone else and let him start again with someone of a similar age.

    He just really frustrates me all the time, maybe he's just too old now to behave like a love struck teenager!!!

    I wish now ide never agreed to see him and just left things as they were because i was getting on fine with my life. But he said i wasnt making an effort and i mustnt have liked him as much as i said i did or i would be trying to patch things up - when he was the one that dumped me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh i just donr know what to do.

    i wanted this relationship to work, and progress into co-habiting etc but its all such a mess, i feel there must be someone out there who will like for who i am and romance me, or am just dreaming!

    Do men like treating women like they are princesses?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are good men out there, im single and i know that.

    Please, I know you're young but life is too short to be unhappy.

    Ultimately, it is up to you but things in perspective, yes break ups are hard and its this that you are dreading but the fact that you could be feeling this anguish and pain of being in limbo for years to come - the break up pain is shortlived in comparison.

    Please think about what the people on here are saying to you, they have experience and sometimes an outsiders perspective can help you to think clearly
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No offence but he doesn't sound like a very nice guy!
    I don't think you have actually said one positive thing about him.
    If he makes you feel bad about yourself then you should finish the relationship as you will probably just plod along and find yourself asking the same questions a few months down the line.
    Relationships are about give and take, not one dominant partner.

    It's hard to break up but imagine how much fun you can have this Xmas being single?
    Rather than sit in with his parents eating mince pies, listening to them badger on about how much they want grandkids and watching the 'Snowman'
    why not, forget Mr Control Freak, go out and let your hair down, have fun. Then you will meet someone who will treat you right, when you least expect it!
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