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All over the place :-( (long distance again!)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry, I've got a feeling that this post is gunna be long! Don't feel obliged to read, infact I don't expect anyone to, I just wanna get it off my chest!
I'm an emotional wreck at the moment because I'm so frustrated because I'm so/was close to being really happy.
I've posted on here in the past after my splitting up my first ever girlfriend. I met her on holiday when I was 19, it may sound sad but she was my first ever kiss too :crazyeyes mainly 'cos I'm really shy.
Unfortunately the distance meant that it was really hard and she decided to end things after 6 months about a year ago. I was heartbroken, I loved her to bits and cired virtually non stop for a week. We have kept in touch via MSN, email and text, swapped xmas & birthday cards and actually met up in March when she was visiting near me and met up 4 weeks ago for a quick drink.
Anyway over the last few weeks we've been in touch a lot 'cos it was her birthday and she was saying she had never met a more thoughtful and caring bloke as me.
When we met on holiday last year we met another girl and it was her birthday last weekend. She invited me along and invited my ex girlfriend. We went for the weekend and stayed in the same hotel. We left it quite late and all along I said we'd book single rooms. Anyway by the end due to no option and her wanting to save some money she suggested we got a double. I was wary so booked a twin room for two nights.
Basically the first night she said how sorry she was how we split up and said she had realised how much she loved me (we only had a couple drinks) anyway we kissed and she asked if I was ok about it. I said yes but let her make all the moves. Anyway we got back to the hotel and had sex
Over the rest of the weekend we acted like a normal loved up couple holding hands etc and pinching kisses. She told the girl whose party it was how natural it felt with me and how it just felt right with me.
I'm not good at talking but felt I had to say something so just before her train was due I asked whether it was just a weekend thing or did we have future to give it another go. She said she thought the same but suggested we went home and see how we felt in a few days. I agreed but said it was pretty obvious what I wanted and I was positive she felt the same.
Anyway I got the dreaded phone call today. She say's she loves me to bits and her feelings haven't changed. Just like when she called things off before, it's not because of her feelings but because of the circumstances... the distance. She say's she finds the goodbyes awful but I said at least when we say goodbye we know we'll see eachother again and it's not a final goodbye. I said that I felt we could overcome them and was willing to make things work. I also said that I felt a bit used after the things she said to me over the weekend.
I said I had to go and stuff and she said her usual "take care" and I just said bye. I was gutted
She sent a text straight away saying she didn't plan what happened and wasn't expecting what happened. She said that all the things she said over the weekend she meant.She also said she didn't want to hurt me and begged me not to hate her. I simply said that i could never hate her because I loved her to bits.
I'm not angry at what's happened and I don't think she simply just used me. It's not the fact that we had sex why I feel so upset it's the fact that she said she loved me.
She's the only girl who has said they love me and she is the girl of my dreams.
What makes me upset is that if we lived closer things would work meaning I'm so close to happiness. What I don't get is if she feels so strongly about me why can't she think we can work and get over these "circumstances". I know the distance is a big hurdle (only 2 hours by train though!) but if our love is that strong we can overcome it and make it only a small hurdle.
It's so frustrating that we both love eachother but can't see eachother. I really wnat to make things work, I know I'm not "flogging a dead horse" because she feels just as strongly as i do.
How can I make her get this distance thing out of her head??!? I know it's hard but I think it's worth it, u just can't switch off feelings. If we still love eachother after year apart surely it's something serious! I can't imagine being with anyone else (i've dated a few girls in between but it was never the same and they said it was obvious I wasn't over her!)
Whooooooooooooops, just seen how long my post is. Sorry it must be a record. Glad I've got it off my chest though. I bet I sound like a selfish, moaning bastard. I should be happy that the girl I love, loves me but I can't Any suggestions? I'm really sorry but I can't "just forget"about her and move on cheers!
I'm an emotional wreck at the moment because I'm so frustrated because I'm so/was close to being really happy.
I've posted on here in the past after my splitting up my first ever girlfriend. I met her on holiday when I was 19, it may sound sad but she was my first ever kiss too :crazyeyes mainly 'cos I'm really shy.
Unfortunately the distance meant that it was really hard and she decided to end things after 6 months about a year ago. I was heartbroken, I loved her to bits and cired virtually non stop for a week. We have kept in touch via MSN, email and text, swapped xmas & birthday cards and actually met up in March when she was visiting near me and met up 4 weeks ago for a quick drink.
Anyway over the last few weeks we've been in touch a lot 'cos it was her birthday and she was saying she had never met a more thoughtful and caring bloke as me.
When we met on holiday last year we met another girl and it was her birthday last weekend. She invited me along and invited my ex girlfriend. We went for the weekend and stayed in the same hotel. We left it quite late and all along I said we'd book single rooms. Anyway by the end due to no option and her wanting to save some money she suggested we got a double. I was wary so booked a twin room for two nights.
Basically the first night she said how sorry she was how we split up and said she had realised how much she loved me (we only had a couple drinks) anyway we kissed and she asked if I was ok about it. I said yes but let her make all the moves. Anyway we got back to the hotel and had sex
Over the rest of the weekend we acted like a normal loved up couple holding hands etc and pinching kisses. She told the girl whose party it was how natural it felt with me and how it just felt right with me.
I'm not good at talking but felt I had to say something so just before her train was due I asked whether it was just a weekend thing or did we have future to give it another go. She said she thought the same but suggested we went home and see how we felt in a few days. I agreed but said it was pretty obvious what I wanted and I was positive she felt the same.
Anyway I got the dreaded phone call today. She say's she loves me to bits and her feelings haven't changed. Just like when she called things off before, it's not because of her feelings but because of the circumstances... the distance. She say's she finds the goodbyes awful but I said at least when we say goodbye we know we'll see eachother again and it's not a final goodbye. I said that I felt we could overcome them and was willing to make things work. I also said that I felt a bit used after the things she said to me over the weekend.
I said I had to go and stuff and she said her usual "take care" and I just said bye. I was gutted
She sent a text straight away saying she didn't plan what happened and wasn't expecting what happened. She said that all the things she said over the weekend she meant.She also said she didn't want to hurt me and begged me not to hate her. I simply said that i could never hate her because I loved her to bits.
I'm not angry at what's happened and I don't think she simply just used me. It's not the fact that we had sex why I feel so upset it's the fact that she said she loved me.
She's the only girl who has said they love me and she is the girl of my dreams.
What makes me upset is that if we lived closer things would work meaning I'm so close to happiness. What I don't get is if she feels so strongly about me why can't she think we can work and get over these "circumstances". I know the distance is a big hurdle (only 2 hours by train though!) but if our love is that strong we can overcome it and make it only a small hurdle.
It's so frustrating that we both love eachother but can't see eachother. I really wnat to make things work, I know I'm not "flogging a dead horse" because she feels just as strongly as i do.
How can I make her get this distance thing out of her head??!? I know it's hard but I think it's worth it, u just can't switch off feelings. If we still love eachother after year apart surely it's something serious! I can't imagine being with anyone else (i've dated a few girls in between but it was never the same and they said it was obvious I wasn't over her!)
Whooooooooooooops, just seen how long my post is. Sorry it must be a record. Glad I've got it off my chest though. I bet I sound like a selfish, moaning bastard. I should be happy that the girl I love, loves me but I can't
Any suggestions? I'm really sorry but I can't "just forget"about her and move on cheers! 0
Comments
I was going out with with my long distance girlfriend for 2 and a half years, she was about 2 hours away and we were fine. We broke up for a different reason but we're still friends so it's ok.
I remember you posting about this girl and you seemed so upset, so I'm so sorry!
I really think though that there's not much hope - harsh as it sounds to say it, I think you should try to move on. Personally, I'd do that by breaking contact with her for a bit, but if you feel it's easier staying good friends and talking a lot, then do it like that.
But basically, because of personal experience I'm tempted to say that she doesn't care enough. You say you don't understand why she won't try because surely if she cared enough she'd want to make it work - and yes, it really is that simple. If she cared enough, she would try to keep things going - so the love can't be there.
I'm in a sort-of long-distance relationship with my boyfriend (as in, last year he was away most of the time on his gap year and now we're at different universities), and it hurts me horribly every time we have to say goodbye for a while. I have thought about ending it because the distance is so hard, but each time I realise that I'd rather hold onto what we have than just not have him at all. And that's because I really do care about him! Which is what makes me think she's not as devoted as she should be.
Sorry to be a bit rambly, I hope I'm making sense. And hope I'm at least a tiny bit helpful! But really, I do feel for you. Good luck getting over it - lots of sympathy vibes being sent your way...
It's about 180 miles. About 3 hours in the car and just under 2 hours on the train.
Cheers, I'm not after sympathy but it's gratefully received!
I think that same as you, she can't be as devoted as I am which hurts. Even though she say's different.
I'm all over the place
surely she must realise that if you love each other that much and are in a long distance relationship whenever you see it other its going to be much more special than if you live 5 minutes away?
sure its going to be hard leaving each other when you see each other (as i would know) but maybe tell her to think of the good memories of the weekend/week whatever rather than just having the thought of "i have to leave him now for another xxdays/weeks/months"
We've had a chat and she say's her feelings for me haven't changed at all and when she called things off last time it wasn't 'cos of her feelings changing but the circumstances. She say's the feelings are the same but circumstances are the same. She's had a few problems in the past year and she isn't emotionally strong enough for a long distance relationship.
It's really frustrating because I think this is the real thing but I just think she gets scared as we both no we have serious feelings for one other. I can understand her reasoning and the problems she has had (rather not say on here but will do privately). I just can't accept that this is the right decision and course of action. I said that last year and to some extent I think I've proved I was right because we still love eachother so I don't know why she's fighting it!