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Age difference

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
You might know my boyfriend's gone to uni and we've sort of split up.
I'm happy about this now and am enjoying myself, just having loads of friends and a good time without worrying about him or getting a new boyfriend.
My friends don't really accept this though and seem to think that I should start pulling other people as a way to get over him. I don't really feel I need to get over him as I'm not upset or anything and I'm really looking forward to him coming home.

Don't worry this isn't really another uni-split post.. i'm getting to the point!

Anyway.... I was at a 'gathering' on Friday, there were 5 girls, the boyfriends of two of us and my friend's brother who is fifteen.
We've always got on well, we're interested in similar things although I've never thought of him as more than a friend!
I got really drunk and my friends saw me talking to him and decided that they wanted me to get with him for the evening. I protested and didn't, but was fairly flirty with him.
I'm seventeen, y13 (he's y11) and I really don't want anything right now. BUT if I had decided to take my friends' advice and kiss him wouldn't that have been wrong?
He's only fifteen and I wouldn't want to lead him on, as there's no way a relationship with us would work (even if i didn't still prefer my ex boyfriend!). Do you think it would have been fair for me to kiss him and maybe more knowing this?
Thanks for reading this, and please reply if you have an opinion!

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Age difference

    To be honest, two years isn't a massive difference. And he were two years older than you people would probably not bat an eyelid. But it really depends on what you're like as people.

    However, if this thread is about leading people on, I would never condone that. Don't kiss the guy if it's going nowhere, especially if he seems to like you more than you like him.

    Is this helping at all? Basically what I'm trying to say is that if you really like someone and the age difference is not enormous (I would say that Y11 - > Y13 is OK), then go for it. But under no circumstances should you lead people on. No one deserves their feelings being toyed with.

    Love,
    Picc.
    xxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    purely on the age-related subject. Age differences are kinda sensetive to start with. A 4 year age difference between an 18 year old and a 14 year old is a definate 'no' but between a 28 and a 24 year old there's no problem whatsoever.

    The way i see it, it's more about a maturity difference than actual physical age.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rachie004
    age = a number..

    I personally dont think it makes a difference what so ever..

    So 12 and 18 are ok ? I dont think so, even if the 12 yr old was really mature Id still think that this is not a good idea.

    Back on topic id agree with what piccolo has said about leading people on, I get the feeling this is about leading the lad on. You said a relationship is out of the question so I cannot understand why you would even think about kissing him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rachie004
    guess I find it hard to type how i think

    Hey I dig holes for myself in almost every thread because im crap at typing what I mean, so dont worry yourself :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A two year age gap isnt that bad. Age is just a number as Rachie said. I think it dpends on how mature the people are as to whether a relationship would work..
    When ur young, people tend to make a big fuss about age differences, but when u get older, the fuss gets less and less... U walk around town, n ur likely to see quite a few couples who have an age difference, although it isnt always obvious. Theres a 15 year age gap between my mates mum and dad, and no one takes any notice of that... but if i went out with a 32 year old, loads of people would have a prob with it,...
    IF u wana try it, then try it, its really up to u!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont see a problem with it to be honest. the only thing that is 'wrong' is if you were to go and sleep with him - he's underage and you're not. technically you could have gotten done.

    i started seeing my partner when i was 15 and he was 18, and there was never an issue, but saying that; there were other things going on at the time that people were more concerned about with myself. obviously to some people, befor ehaving met him, or me for that matter, they were like 'god he's a bit old for a 15 year old' or 'dont you think she's a bit young mate', but then they met us together and it wasnt an issue.

    i guess oyu've just got to be careful when it comes to underage sex, but anything else - if we're just talking about the age 'gap' - to be honest; there isnt really one at all.

    although saying that, girls do mature 2 years quicker than guys, so i would imagine theres techinically four years maturity between you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by badabing
    i dont see a problem with it to be honest.

    She has admitted there is no chance of a relationship, so what you are saying is its ok to mess with peoples feelings.

    If she dont want a relationship dont lead the lad up the garden path. Everyone here complains when they are led on, when they feel like they have been used and made a fool of, so dont use and make fools out of people.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i meant i didnt see a problem with her snogging him in regards to the 'age gap' not the whole relationship/leading him on thing. i just looked at the 'age difference' - i should have explained myself better. i apologise x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by badabing
    i should have explained myself better. i apologise x

    Now you have, so thats ok Me Dear :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For a start, Its not ok to mess with peoples feelings :no:

    Secondly, In my opinion and yes maturity will play a part in it somewhere, If the two people in question like each other, love each other, or you know care for each other then that is all that matters, age should nver be an issue ... Narrow minded people who think like that, hate people like that, pisses me right off :) that or just because their a moany old git!!!
    What matters is how the couple in question feel towards each other.

    Rich....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for replying guys.
    I agree with you about leading him on, I really do and I didn't kiss him for precisely that reason!
    Most of my friends though were trying to persuade me to do something and it did seem wrong to me at the time even though i was really drunk.
    I'm pleased you agree with me, I certainly don't regret not doing anything now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good on ya :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rachie004
    age = a number..

    I personally dont think it makes a difference what so ever..

    :yes: i agree with you age is just a number, but not like 13 and 26! lol, we have to put a limit sumwhere!

    gud for u Lilangel, hope u have fun wit everything else. xxxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i hate it when people say 'age is just a number'. cause that's clearly bollocks.

    within adults, age differences don't matter. whether you're 18, or 118, you are all adults, and though some of you will want vastly different things from life, you'll probably find someone who shares views and interests with you.

    if you're under 18, you're a child. and it's not quite so simple. 2 years difference, at that age, is ok. 3 years is a bit dodgy and 4 or more is just wrong, imo.

    but yeah, rant over, leading people on is not on. simple as.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there was three years between me and my partner when we got together and i was under 18. i was 15 and he was 18. i didnt really think it was a bit dodgy, and we're still together now raising a child and very happy indeed. so not all relationships that start with a young party are dodgy. although yes i agree that some are.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by badabing
    there was three years between me and my partner when we got together and i was under 18. i was 15 and he was 18. i didnt really think it was a bit dodgy, and we're still together now raising a child and very happy indeed. so not all relationships that start with a young party are dodgy. although yes i agree that some are.

    I think one of the areas of dodginess is when the older one is around 18+ then you might assume that he was after a sexual relationship, whereas around 15 yo sometimes it doesn't go that far, if you see wher I'm coming from? :confused:

    Like, if I had a 15 year old (female) friend who went out with and 18 year old I would assume (probably wrongly) that he wanted a sexual relationship.

    Mreh :confused: confusing!! :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Age is definitely not just a number. I'm 17 years old and a few months ago I was in a relationship with a 34 year old man. The reason we broke up was partly to do with his age and partly to do with other things. My mother didn't approve of my seeing him. Also, I kept picturing myself 10 years down the line, 27, he'd be 44, 20 years down the line, I'd be 37, he'd be 54. I wanted to go to Uni, and by the time I finish he'll be 38. I want to have children, he already has a son, he'll be too old by the time I have my career on track.

    Also, women, on average live a lot longer than men. So if your boyfriend is a lot older than you, it's very likely he'll die long before you do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by HunnyPot
    So if your boyfriend is a lot older than you, it's very likely he'll die long before you do.

    oh thats nice! :rolleyes: :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *TiNK*
    oh thats nice! :rolleyes: :p

    Just telling it like it is man :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by HunnyPot
    Also, women, on average live a lot longer than men. So if your boyfriend is a lot older than you, it's very likely he'll die long before you do.

    only 2 or 3 years :p

    Hmmm do you see your 'grand future' with every guy you go out with? :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    only 2 or 3 years :p

    Hmmm do you see your 'grand future' with every guy you go out with? :confused:

    Yes. As I don't go out with many guys, and the ones I do go out with, I have to be able to see it lasting the distance.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by HunnyPot
    Yes. As I don't go out with many guys, and the ones I do go out with, I have to be able to see it lasting the distance.

    I see what you mean. Sometimes I can be in a relationship and think 'in 10 years I'm not going to be with her, so whats the point?' - but then on the other hand if you always have that outlook it's going to get you down in the end. A little bit of both is probably best - don't take things too seriously, but don't go out with someone if it's completely static and not goin to go anywhere. ever.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rachie004
    OK I changed my opinion on this..

    Your not allowed to do that :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rachie004
    crucified I be then :(

    Nah you scare me, someone else can have the pleasure :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by girl with sharp teeth
    to be honest badabing, you have a very unconventional relationship, and while it may work for you i don't think that 15 year olds should be encouraged to be in that kind of relationship. it's not healthy, and more likely than not they'll regret their loss of youth when they're older.

    well we'll have to agree to disagree.

    it obviously depends on the situation and the people in question themselves, as i said in my previous post.
    it does work for me, and it always has. even though you may think that i have 'thrown away my youth', actually i've done quite the opposite. i 'threw away my youth' when i decided to keep my baby when i found out i was pregnant. i met my partner when i was pregnant, and was so lucky enough to find him - he wanted to be with me despite the fact that i was pregnant with another man's child. and he's stood by that, and me, for the whole time we've been together, and raises Jazmyn as his own.
    he wasnt a 'typical' 18 year old lad who went out and was a dick head on the local green drinking carling and trying to chat up 16 year old girls. he was a nice, genuine young man who had a good job, and a good education.
    so rather than throwing my youth away, i took the opportunity i had with someone, someone who could make me happy, and help me through what i knew wasnt going to be easy. and i didnt start seeing him for that reason. at the beginning i was very reluctant to go for a drink with him; i didnt want him to all of a sudden decide he didnt want another man's child to raise at such a young age. and in some respect i didnt want him to raise my child. but im so happy with him, he's my best friend, i've never met anyone quite so amazing as him. he took on the world for me at 18 years old, and he hasnt stopped for one minute. and that works for me.
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